It was my mom’s 11th death anniversary just a few days ago. She passed away in 2001, just 4 months after my wedding, quite suddenly, just 52. This is a repost of a post I did a couple of years back on her.

It is not as if I do not feel the pain of losing her, but it has become blunt with passing time. A beautiful lady, too beautiful actually… as kids while growing up, my sister and I used to wonder why we could not have inherited her flawless beauty — beautiful straight hair, a radiant, glowing complexion and great features. Her slim body is what we have surely inherited :), at least. Coming from a well-to-do family, she had a very strict upbringing. She was extremely adept at cooking and also knew sewing, stitching, embroidery and crochet work. She knew how to make finger-licking pickles (I have inherited some of her passion for food). A vegetarian, she could churn out fabulous non-veg dishes without so much as tasting them. She was extremely friendly and social to my father’s reclusive nature. She was a simple homely lady, soft spoken with a warm demeanour, very dedicated to her family and extremely loving. When I was growing up, dad was a person we were afraid of — distant and strict. I hardly ever remember him giving us a hug or showing his emotions towards us, but mom more than made up for it with her affection. She kept the family well-knit and balanced.

As a kid, I looked up to my father more because of his intelligence, his well-informed self, his self-assured confidence and his professional integrity and success; that was how I wanted to be. Mom was someone always there for me – not someone I hero worshipped. I loved her no doubt, but I did take her and her role in my life for granted. It was only when she went away suddenly and then when I had my kids that I missed her the most. There were times when I picked up the phone to call her and then quietly put it down. Oh how brutally I missed her. I can relate to her so much more, now that I have my own family. I want to share stories about my kids with her. I want to swap recipes with her. I want to learn from her wisdom of bringing us up. There is so much talking to do, but she is not there. There is this huge void in my life with her absence, which will always stay with me. Every time, I visit dad, I sort of look for her in his home. So cruel is fate.

I cherish my memories of her, and I derive my strength from her when I am lonely or sick or feeling sad. I regale my kids with incidents of my childhood and make sure that they know their nani from their mom’s eyes!

I miss you terribly, and I love you deeply, mom. You were the best ma there ever could be. Thank you for blessing my life with your love, strength and resolve. I hope you are always watching over me.

PS: It is true that a mother’s soul rests in her kids. When she was very sick, my brother and sister were in the same town. I was in the US and was flying back. She was watching the video of my marriage, seeing my pictures and albums and hanging on to dear life for me. I remember crystal clear that when I arrived early morning, my sis whisked me straight to the hospital where she was. I spent time with her; she was in the ICU. In the evening, she slipped into coma and passed away 4 days later. And to think that I always thought that she loved the elder sister more than me!

Comments

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75 Thoughts on “My mother…

  1. What a lovely tribute

  2. Lovely tribute Rachna – I’m sure she is watching over and feeling very proud

  3. A touching post.Mom’s have an unique place that no one else can fill.I feel sad that her end came in her young age.You can foster memories by imbibing her pleasing traits in your kids

  4. I remember this blog about your mom very well.
    I is so true, we take or moms for granted, we can never think, a time would come we she won’t be there for us. I still miss my mom too, after so many years, as you have rightly said, they keep the family together. Now without her the home doesn’t look like a home at all, her presence would always be felt.
    I was lucky, she came all by herself and stayed with me for ten days,and we managed to take her to meet all her very close relatives in Bangalore whom she had not met for a long time, she was happy. She died after 10 days very unexpectedly having a massive heart attack on the X-ray table in the hospital where she had gone to check her knee pain, in Madras. I feel very privileged, that she chose to come and spend her last few days with me, as if she wanted to bless me personally.

    • Yes, rama, and I remember what you said then. Moms are the stable influence in our lives. They are meant to be around always. We rely so much on them without realizing. And, even though we are grown up, we always crave our mom’s affection and presence. Dads influence us differently, yet we love both of them. Amazing to hear about your mother and that she lived with you before passing away. I remember you had told this to me earlier. Touching!

  5. I am speechless.
    I am going thru a phase when I am worried whenever there is a phone call from home lest it be some bad news. And I don’t know how I will be able to handle it if anyone departs. And I understand what you are saying here. My mom has been my support system and I am scared about losing her
    Hugs Rachna.

  6. i don’t know what to say Rachna. my mother passed away 2 years before my marriage and yes, though the pain is reducing year on year, the void will always be there. she was in her early 50’s too when she went. now with my own family, i miss her all the more and know what we meant to her when she was raising us.
    its really nice of you to have re-posted this piece. and yes, she is beautiful – your mother
    and just like you, even i am keeping her alive and passing on very tender memories of her to my daughter

    • Thank you Sujatha for your heartfelt comment. You are the only other person I’ve known who is almost in the same boat as me. How much we understand our mothers especially after we become mothers. And, there are times when I felt an impulse to pick up the phone and chat with her. You know, even now I dream of her sometimes…

  7. Rachna, This was one of the best tributes to a mother from a doting daughter! I am sure she would have felt proud to see you walking tall today!

  8. Pradeep on April 19, 2012 at 5:52 pm said:

    Lovely tribute, I am sure she would be very proud of you !!

  9. Beautiful, Rachna. Although I had to frown when reading this bit: “I have inherited some of her passion for food too”. I wonder, if you inherited “some” of her passion, how much did your mom actually have?!! 🙂

    • Good one, Bart. You made me smile :). She had the innate ability to wean out cooking tips and recipes from the most conservative and secretive aunties. Even apart from cooking, she used to be so good at knitting that she would see someone wearing a sweater and would be able to replicate the pattern exactly without having any other guidance.

  10. Very touching! Indeed her love remains! The best tribute is to pass it on!

    Love & hugs!

  11. Now which one is you? The one in the far right I believe.

  12. A touching tribute to your mother and am sure she is watching over you and your family. Physical void that a mother has left behind will be missed for our entire lifetime. I lost my mother in 2010 and till the day of her death she used to care and worry about our (me and my two sisters)well being in our present lives (i was 53 at that time she used to still treat me as a small child.
    Thanks for sharing the tribute

  13. 52 is much too young. Losing your loved ones is terribly sad, especially mums. Lovely tribute, Rachana.

  14. Anonymous on April 20, 2012 at 6:46 am said:

    wow u r lucky Rachna. I can never imagine sharing thoughts, recipes with my mom , the answer was in your Elders post

    She has suffered and done a lot but somewhere the friendship with parents was never seen in my family.

    • Oh that’s sad. It must be terrible that you can’t share a friendship with your parents and share your experiences with them. I wish people would loosen up especially after their kids turn adults and be more approachable.

  15. Touching tribute ,tears welled up in my eyes Rachna.Your mom looks lovely and it was easy to recognize you in the picture just by the way you stand – tall and confident.
    this is my fifth attempt in posting a comment here ,I am facing some problem with my internet ,have complained too ,hope to get some technical assistance soon.

    • Thank you, Kavita. Your words mean a lot. Oh, that’s terrible about your internet connection. Hope the problem gets rectified soon for you. I was wondering why I am not seeing anything from you on FB either.

  16. very touching post! and it is true in most of the families that fathers are hero worshipped and mothers…woh to hain hi..But mothers are missed most when they are not there…nobody can fill that void.

    • Thank you Renu! I think both dad and mom have their own unique place in our lives. They are both special for different reasons, and I wouldn’t place one above or below the other.

  17. touching post indeed..mom sweet mom..sometimes v do feel words r not enf to reflect what v feel, right na rachna? i just lost my dad and undersnd what losing someone very imp in life is..hey, btw, i was reading about the italian footballer who died recently..he had lost his mom at 15, lost his dad imm afterwards, his special child bro committed suicide and this guy died at the peak of his career..wonder what pleasure nature gets..OK OK say 100 things about god and reason and bla bla..

    • Thank you Ramesh. Yes, words are not enough for sure. Yes, like you mentioned about the footballer, sometimes one does feel how cruel destiny is. yeah, rest is blah blah blah. It is just that this is your fate, and you have to deal with it.