Today, I have the pleasure of hosting Subhorup Dasgupta of Subho’s Jejune Diet on my blog. Informative and prolific, Subhorup is a blogger who offers something for everyone out there. Over to him for this very different and thought provoking post on gardening.
Three Easy-To-Grow Plants
One day, some years back, I looked out and realized that the garden was overrun. Creepers and weeds had snuck in, and aided by neglect, they had chosen to grow as they pleased, lending a wild yet somewhat artistic appearance. I was reluctant, perhaps lazy too, to fix it since it looked pretty in its own morbid way, like having a scraggy mountainside outside the window.
When I looked next, it looked even more sickeningly real, and almost unrecognizable. The flowering plants had been devoured, and the fruit bearing ones were slowly being choked of their sustenance by the parasitic climbers. The path had been buried to where it was impossible to see. It was becoming difficult to see beauty in the snarling struggle for survival. The landscape resembled a war zone with the victors gloating over the wounded. This madness was methodical yet without any meaning.
After much effort, the garden was overhauled and brought back to the minimalistic, zenlike synchronicity that grumbles but only just, like a well-tuned engine at the top of its range. It was not entirely painless, since some of the shrubs and trees were beyond repair, and some of the weeds and creepers that I had come to love had to be uprooted and burnt. I learned that some fruits were not only poisonous to those who plucked and ate them, but even maligned the air around them. Some flowers were pretty traps while others had pungent acids instead of nectar. In short, like bad teeth, I had to let go of a good number of the plants I had grown fond of over the years.
In the course of this learning, I discovered that there are some plants that grow easily, quickly, and without any investment of your time and energy. This post is my life-hacking gift to all budding gardeners out there. Here are the three easiest plants to grow in your garden.
Avaritia mortalis (Common Greed)
This hardy fellow does not even need to be planted. A cancerous mutation of our natural survival instinct to fulfill our needs, Greed can show up without really showing up, and you might not even recognize it till it has consumed all it can. Like I said, you don’t have to do much to nurture it. Infants learn it from their DINT (double income, no time) parents, who outsource parenting so that they can earn enough to send their offspring to colleges they will not be embarrassed to tell their neighbors about. Adults are fed on a diet especially conducive to this species with an entire industry dedicated to ensure its survival – advertising and marketing. No matter what you procure, there is always something better, newer, larger and shinier staring back at you from the billboards and the webpage banners. The good thing about this plant is that it can kill the you inside you in the most pleasant manner, engulfing you in an illusion of comfort, self worth and even meaning. By the time you reach the most painful part of dealing with your losses, you have been desensitized to the point where it doesn’t matter any more. Research says that this plant might be the answer to all the unrest we are seeing in the recent years.Governments and corporations are working overtime to ensure the widest possible propagation of this miracle plant.
Ira intoleratum (Scarlet Rage)
This plant has been misunderstood and criticized without reason. Most people confuse it with the more useful member of the same family, the one that redresses wrong and wrongdoing. Certain members of this family have strong psychotropic or mind altering qualities and are banned in some countries, but thankfully not ours. Like Greed, Rage does not need too much of care. All you need to do is go slow on compassion and understanding. Do it consistently for a few days, and you will find Rage thriving, and ready to flower at the drop of a hat. Or whatever. Sometimes this plant mimics the mint family, exuding a cool and controlled aggression that can tear into the soul of its target. In all its forms, this plant can appear to destroy that which stands in its way while actually obliterating all traces of humanity from its host. A wonderful plant that has caused wars, terror attacks and counter attacks, and countless broken homes, this is a must for every lazy gardener.
Vanagloria ignoratum (Meadow Vanity)
This beautiful plant can give stereotypes a complex. Closely related to Foolish Wattle, this grows without any effort. With no need for nourishing courage or the water of reason, all forms of vanity imbue a garden with a glow of prettiness that is extremely satisfying. It prevents other harmful plants like wisdom or perspective from flourishing. The great philosopher called this plant the fear of appearing original, but in truth, it is a handy way of merging with nature, facelessly, flavorlessly. It filters out the ability to look beyond and grasp the true disposition of things around you, and helps you to live with a sense of confidence and arrogance that can seem to last forever. It deadens very convincingly the pain of responsibility and taking ownership for one’s own actions. It makes the tedium of life more bearable, at least till such time that consequences overtake you. Till then, and it can sometimes be a lifetime, it is a handy plant that seems to ask for little in return.
There is a simple acronym to remember these three easy-to-grow plants: Greed, Anger and Stupidity, or GAS. Tanked up with this GAS, you can make your garden stand out from the rest. You can reside in the home that tells the world who you are; you can throw people behind bars because you don’t like what they say; and you can be the Ghana cocoa bean that makes the finest dark chocolate. In a world that only recognizes the flavor of the month, why be anything less?Pics Courtesy: Freedigitalphotos.net
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