Today, I have Janaki Nagaraj of Memoirs of a Homemaker fame gracing my blog. She also has a photography blog, Vithika. I have known Janaki for years now. At least it feels like forever. Our friendship grew and developed over time. Though the qualities I admired about her of her warmth, openness, honesty and caring nature were apparent right in the beginning. I have seen her genuinely encourage and enjoy the success of others. She is the beacon of good news to many and is a refreshing change in the duplicity of this world with her disarming warmth and happy disposition. I have seen her writing grow and mature with time. She expresses herself fabulously both in prose and poetry. And, blogging has really found her a unique place under the sun. She recently got published in an anthology of poems. It gives me extreme pleasure in welcoming her here with this lovely, pensive piece…

janupost

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives. Do good anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight. Build anyway.

People really need help but may attack you if you do help them. Help people anyway.”

 – Kent M. Keith, The Silent Revolution.

 We all want to do good; give something back to the society. So, we do charity, give donations, give away alms, and distribute books, food and sweets, sometimes in remembrance of our departed elders. Probably we do all this to feel good about ourselves and score some brownie points with our Maker to balance our Karma. I am not mocking you all…because I do all this too. My point is, even though we all do good…goodness is scorned upon. If you are good or nice to people, which is your inherent quality, it is most likely that you will be called a people pleaser, goody-goody, Ms. Goody-two-shoes. There is a probability that you may even be called fake!

People these days look down upon people who say “Rama, Rama” or “Krishna, Krishna” but think very highly of people who say WTF! Or Shit! Some 14 times in a 15-word sentence. (Now, don’t WTF me, am just citing an example) I am no saint. I too judge people, but I also know that everyone is unique in their own way…so, I never over analyze them. I am as much grounded as anyone of you…my name conveys it all. 🙂

I had a friend. Our relationship ranged from practically living in each other’s house to bumping into each other very rarely.  At some point in time, life became a bitch and she was in need of money. Her pride stopped her from asking me for loan. I, sensing that, helped her willingly. I felt good and her moist eyes conveyed gratitude.

I did not ask for the money when she started working. I did not want to ask. I wanted her to give it back on her own. More than a year later, when I was in need, I asked her. She gave me 90% of the amount. I did not mind. It was enough for me at that time. She did not return the balance even after she sold her property in her hometown. I assumed that she would be thoughtful like me.

A month back I messaged her saying that I wanted the money back. She said, “For some time now I have been thinking of returning it to you. I will give it to you tomorrow.” (She had thought about it but never got around to returning the money) The next day, she messaged me saying that she was tied up and said she would come the next day.

I replied – “It’s ok. Don’t stress. I have no problem.”

“Why do you always do that?” she asked me.

I was zapped. What did I do? Always! Let alone talking to her on a daily basis, we did not meet or talk even on a monthly basis. Our paths rarely crossed.

“Did I offend you?” I messaged back.

“You are always making me feel guilty,” was her reply. “You have this pattern. We all have patterns.”

Now, I was hurt beyond words. She had misconstrued my good intentions. If I could wait for more than 2 years for my money, another day was not going to hurt. If she has seen the ‘pattern’ in me, why did she not tell me when we were meeting everyday? Why did she pretend to like me all these years? And, why did she have to tell me this now, the way she did, when she was to give back the money she owed me?

We exchanged some messages, not so pleasant. Though she had said she could not come, she came home to give me the money. I was hurt to the point of infuriating. Then I did something I have never ever done in my life…I asked her to leave my house.

Undoubtedly, I was upset. She too was. Later that night she messaged me and apologized. (Why apologize when you are sure that you are right? To safeguard a non-existent relationship in the name of friendship?) She told me what was happening in her life. She wanted to make amends with me. But, something had snapped within me. I had never judged her, never interfered in her life, never asked how much she earned, never asked what she was doing, never poked my nose in her affairs. Then, why all this drama!

I was just being a friend while she was analyzing my motives and me. She did carry some emotional baggage; she had to deal with insensitive and selfish people…maybe she generalized everyone to be like that. She said I questioned her ‘loyalty’ to me if I invited her to my place every time we met and it made her guilty that she could not come to my place! She misunderstood plain courtesy. I was flabbergasted!

The damage was done. And I broke off my friendship with her. I was plain offended and I tried to figure out where I had gone wrong. While leaving my house she did plant that little insect (keeda) and it gnawed my insides…my brain and my conscience. Was I really that? Did I have some annoying patterns? Why had not anyone told me about this till now? Was every one being polite? Was I in denial? I then talked to my friends who I have known for years and asked them point blank. They said “NO”…you are not what she says.  One of my friends restored my faith in myself. She said, “There is a lot of negativity and bad in this world. Good people are rare. Be yourself. “

I read this passage in the book – A Walk to Remember.

Jamie was the kind of girl who would pull weeds in someone’s garden without being asked or stop traffic to help little kids cross the road. She’d save her allowance to buy a new basketball for the orphans, or she’d turn around and drop the money into the church basket on Sunday. She was, in other words, the kind of girl who made the rest of us look bad, and whenever she glanced my way, I couldn’t help but feel guilty, even though I hadn’t done anything wrong.

I am not comparing myself to Jamie. It is just that the actions of some people irritate the hell out of others even when they mean well. Why?

Why do people always search for some hidden motive if you are doing some good? And why do people put you down or taunt you in front of others in the name of fun? Why can’t they just see things as are they are instead of dissecting them way beyond recognition?

Do you have answers?

Comments

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85 Thoughts on “Goodness Gracious!

  1. Lovely post there Janaki. And glad to have “met” you through Rachna’s blog 🙂 As for the answer to your question, I doubt anyone has it. “Why, indeed?” When someone does something good, most people assume that there is an ulterior motive behind it. Because most people do. The one’s who just want to be nice, are few in number and a rare breed. So as they say, sometimes, it’s once bitten twice shy. And we can only assume that they had a bad experience at some point and now paint every one with the same brush. Somethings are often over-analysed as you said, and I guess the “trust” that was “once there” is now no longer the basis of any kind of friendship. Or relationship sometimes. Thought provoking post Janaki. Absolutely loved it!
    Sid recently posted…Music and Lyrics – Part OneMy Profile

    • Thank you so much Sid. I have read a few posts of yours too.
      I grew up seeing my parents going out of their way to help others expect nothing in return. Some people appreciated it, some took it for granted. The jibes did not stop them from doing good…it sure hurts but, then that is ok.

  2. Rachna…I am proud to grace your blog. As I said before, it is because of friends like you and the constant encouragement you give that I am able to evolve the way I have. Thank you so much…and words are not enough. 🙂

  3. Great question, Janu! I can only assume that it was guilt that made her, and others like her, lash out like that! Do good anyway! 🙂
    Roshni recently posted…Mother and Daughter RelationshipsMy Profile

    • Yup, my belief in myself is reinforced Roshni. As I said in my other post, I can’t let the perception of others to define who I am. Thanks.

  4. Very true..nowadays, being good equals being fake! Such a sad state of affairs.
    Pooja Abhay recently posted…Angels are for real!My Profile

  5. Janu you are the most positive and uncomplicated person I’ve ever met . No one can ever take that away from you . You have not committed a crime by asking your money to be repaid to you . Hugs and may your spirit nurture more in the days to come 🙂 <3
    sridevidatta recently posted…Guest Post by jaibala RaoMy Profile

  6. Thank you Sri. All we have in life is these interactions, be good, talk good and leave good impression. That’s all. Why complicate?

  7. Asking back the money you gave someone is difficult and then some people make it more difficult by reacting like your friend. I don’t know why they behave this way, but like the quote in the beginning of this post, do good anyway. 🙂
    Destiny’s child recently posted…Are you a social animal?My Profile

    • Even I was taken aback by her behaviour. For a long time I was replaying the events, the chats and sms messages wondering where had I gone wrong.
      Thanks DC.

  8. Rahul on March 10, 2014 at 9:53 am said:

    A thoughtful post! I believe that we must be guided from within and not from pressure of peers or society if we plan to do anyone good!

  9. Pingback: MY GUEST POST. | Memoirs of A Homemaker

  10. There are no easy answers to why people behave the way they do. The fact is that everyone’s personality is based on several factors including genetics and childhood circumstances. This again changes throughout their lives as people come in and go out. It’s hard to say what’s going on in everyone’s heads, which is why that quote at the beginning of your post is so apt – just be nice in spite of not knowing how it’s going to turn out. Absolutely loved this!!!
    Fab recently posted…Outfit Post – Bright and Sunny!My Profile

    • That was a FAB comment 🙂 Well, I knew this friend of mine carried a lot of emotional baggage. Initially I did try to reach out but she had her mind set on many things. So, I thought it was better to leave her to her own devices.

  11. Janaki if you personlaize this doing good thing to a seed, like we do with plant seeds, we have to nourish this seed too. So when you nourish this seed with wather and manure; there will be some weeds which will start growing besides your plant too. These weeds will start growing faster than yours and try overtaking you.
    What you have to do is slowly uproot these weeds one by one and let your plant grow. It will need a lot of love and steadfast determination but grow it will. Does this make sense?
    Bhagyashree recently posted…A spark that changes livesMy Profile

    • This makes a whole lot of sense Bhagya. Thanks for this advice. I probably could not differentiate between the two.

  12. People who do good only to ‘look’ good in society ,feel threatened when they encounter genuine goodness and they react aggressively by being rude The mild and softspoken are misfits in the eyes of these postgraduates in bad behaviour. You are a gem! Ignore…..

  13. A pertinent question Janaki. I think it is a person’s own insecurities that come to the fore. As you said, one still needs to keep doing good.
    Jas recently posted…With a child suffering from autism, it’s a fight not worth losingMy Profile

  14. I can so identify with this one Janaki. My father, being the eldest sacrificed his career and life for his siblings and now that he is gone, some relatives feel my mother makes them feel guilty about it. I guess the feeling of guilt is inside. It all depends on how we think. And those who keep doing good without expectations are not liked. It’s like, ” how can they manage everything on their own and not ask for favors?”

  15. Janaki, this was just what I needed this morning. I have a similar, even worse person in my life who I can’t shrug and ignore. This person makes my life a living hell. It’s not as if this person is bad, but the negativity and the nature of constantly criticizing and passing judgements has eroded my nature and turned me somewhat raw. Difficult to remain positive and “continue doing” in these circumstances when the surface has been eroded to leave a raw wound.

    But reading your post has given me some, I don’t know how to put it, patience maybe. Stillness of my mind, if you will.

    May God bless you, and may there be more people like you.
    Gauri recently posted…Three questions about the two latent women in my life.My Profile

    • Thank you so much Gauri for your kind words. I do sincerely wish that you could do something about this person…it is not easy I know. May be you can try counseling.

  16. I have no answers, Janaki. God knows how I myself swim in such turbulent thoughts in my mind. I have only come to realise that we tend to believe our versions of everything as The Truth. And then, even if our best friend does not match up to our version of good, bad, ugly, charitable, honest, caring, funny, we tend to label them away from our personalities and our lives. Your post is pertinent throughout, but it is the last para full of questions that takes it to another level of relevance altogether. I wish we all ask ourselves those questions. I wish we all realise, that knowingly or otherwise, we are mocking our relationships away. All, just for a moment of pride. Just for a moment of feel-good-about-ourselves.
    This post provokes thoughts. It should!
    sakshinanda recently posted…The Numbers this MarchMy Profile

    • Sakshi, I was afraid to talk to my friends about this…what if they said that I had ‘patterns?’ All sorts of thoughts crossed my mind…sometimes it requires another person to point out our weaknesses. I was afraid that my friend was true. I am glad she wasn’t.
      Thank you.

    • I completely agree with what you say, Sakshi, especially these lines “I wish we all realise, that knowingly or otherwise, we are mocking our relationships away. All, just for a moment of pride. Just for a moment of feel-good-about-ourselves.”

  17. The Fool on March 10, 2014 at 12:14 pm said:

    Interesting experience. Well – guess the world has all kinds of people. Again catching you on a guest post, Janaki. Hopefully next time I will catch up with you on your own blog.

  18. That was written nicely.But for an answer one needs to hear both sides.This comment is based on what you said and certain surmises.
    She was warm and friendly earlier before you parted with your money.
    Otherwise you would not have given in the first instance..Obviously she was in financial difficulties and possibly taken loan from many others without interest.You never pressed her for returning hoping she would give on her own.Even when she sold her property she might have liquidated the dues of those who were pestering her.When you asked she returned 90%.She could have explained the troubling circumstances and asked for some time.Nevertheless she paid you ultimately the full amount.
    Possibly you felt that she was obligated to you and should plead for mercy for the delay in settlement.If she had the wrong intention she could have avoided paying you at all. When you asked her to get out, with no reason given for your rage, she still apologised in the night.Yet you spurned her apology and severed connection with her.
    Firstly monetary dealing between friends invariably leads to breakup.Having given out of compassion,you should be prepared for the delay especially when someone sells assets to settle dues.The parting could have been smooth and without loss of dignity to a financially not sound person.
    Remember there was no cheating at all.
    Just a frank expression of my opinion.May be I am wrong.
    KP recently posted…Empowerment of womenMy Profile

  19. You are right when you say that there are two sides of a story. But, it was more than 2 years since we stopped meeting regularly on a daily basis. I did not want to mention this before but she has issues with her family. She was suffering from depression, she is not married and is taking care of her mother who is having health issues. I never asked her the money back because I knew that she had to clear her debts if there were any. I never felt very high or lofty for helping her that she should plead for mercy. If she had felt obligated she would have returned the amount when she had the first opportunity to do so. This is a guest post and so I could not write the whole story. And, I never talked about the money at all…until I was in need.

    You are entitled to your opinion. Thanks for viewing this post objective. I have had the same thoughts as you have. Every relationship has a different equation.

  20. I have always wondered if it is our insecurities about our relationships which makes us behave in the manner your friend did. Was she too insecure about you and started assuming every action of yours in a negative manner? Fear can make people behave in all possible irrational ways…. . In addition to this I think the perceptions we form decide a lot of what we expect from people. We have a certain idea of a person.. and that need not be how they are. When the reactions do not match our expectations it tends to cloud our thoughts leading to all those questions that we start ruminating over… a good piece Janaki, sure made me think..
    Seeta recently posted…The Goan ParadiesMy Profile

    • Actually this is a good example of insecurities causing such incidents… I came back to read all the comments this post would have generated and noticed that mine was among the few comments that you hadn’t replied to.. immediately the thoughts that crossed my mind were “oh she did not like what I said,. did I say something wrong? Was I completely off mark???…”
      🙂
      Seeta recently posted…The Goan ParadiesMy Profile

      • See, how we fall into that trap, Seeta? It happens to me too. I am sure, Janaki just missed replying to your comment :-D. So as bonus, I am here for you!
        Rachna recently posted…Goodness Gracious!My Profile

      • Seeta, I am sorry. So many comments and I missed this one. Rachna pointed it out.

        You know she was suffering from depression. I reached out to her when nobody else did. I tried to draw her out. But, it doesn’t work that way. As I said she had low self-esteem. If she wanted me to listen to her, she should have had the courage to listen to me too.

        Thank you so much.

        • I think your friend might have felt ” she is always right, she is always there – somewhere she started placing you on a pedestral.. that might have not been something she liked much…..just a thought…

  21. Prathima Rao on March 10, 2014 at 3:12 pm said:

    Hi Janu,

    Read this with great interest.
    I can fully empathize with what you are feeling. Without condoning the behavior of the person who has been helped, if he or she is feeling guilty for not returning that help, it does also mean that they acknowledge the help given and that his/ her conscience is working, which in itself is good news.
    It is also true these days that so people get into philanthropy or doing good only to feel good about themselves & to look good in the eyes of the society as you mentioned. It has become rare to find people who do good for its own sake and with a genuiine intention to help someone. So, it has come to a stage where people have started to look for an ulterior motive behind any good deed.
    At the other end of the spectrum, we also have people who think it is their birthright that others help them. As if everyone exists only to cater to their whims and fancies. There are also others who expect, oh yes, expect that if they help someone then that person should “attribute” any / all of his / her success in life, to them. Such people like to usurp all the credit of the hardwork put in by the poor guy to succeed.
    We are not conditioned to ask our money back from the ones we have lent it to in good faith, Janu. We have so much hesitation in asking for what belongs to us. I have not been able to figure out why this hesitation exists.
    As it goes in one of the variations of Kent M Keith’s ‘Paradoxical Commandments’, attributed to Mother Theresa:
    “In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.”
    As many here have said, don’t ever change your good self for any of the crappy people you come across. Such people are not worth it.

    • Thanks Prathi.
      I was wondering why she put up with my ‘patterns’ when the going was good between us. She could have returned the money without saying a thing…as she did for years. Why now?

      Hey, even my friend said that this quote is attributed to Mother Theresa. I found the full quote on ‘goodreads.’

  22. typical gaslighter. this kind of surgery is required now and then Janu…no point in keeping such people in your life. Yeah and next time…be a little selfish – don’t offer monetary help unless someone specifically requests you.
    Moonbeam recently posted…InterludesMy Profile

  23. Very often guilt makes people lash out at the ones that have been good to them or been altruistic and supportive. Also, because they see themselves and their own behaviour and reactions in others’ too and that makes them angry. Seldom do they see their own faults and negativity before accusing others of the same. This woman obviously felt you had ulterior motives because SHE had them, see? You are better off without such friends and friendships. Throw out the keeda and let it fester elsewhere. I am sure this woman will find others to cozy up to, till they also see through her. It is HER pattern, you see 🙂 Hugs to you, Janaki.

    • Thank you so much Zephyr…for days I was thinking about this. Maybe she could not handle people like me. It is her loss. Hugs to you too.

  24. I guess the only reason that I can think of for people doubting your honest intentions would be the fact that these are deeds they would themselves not normally do under any circumstances. It takes somebody with a large heart to recognize and appreciate large hearted gestures, and therefore anybody who doubts such gestures probably doesn’t have the heart to do such things themselves.

    Of course it could also very well be a case of ‘once bitten twice shy’ as some of the commenters above have mentioned. They might have had instances in the past where such ‘good deeds’ have been used as a precursor to ask a favor or take advantage.
    Jairam Mohan recently posted…Letting goMy Profile

  25. Janaki….firstly very well written. About what you say, yes true people judge us and our actions and it is really sad sometimes that people who have been with you and close to you for years fail to understand you. And I know that you are amongst the most kind hearted, people I have known with a very beautiful soul that shines through. I learnt that you need to be who youvare and never doubt yourself based on how others treat you. Do and never expect.

  26. Glad that you are off with that friend. Your good will always be there for you, no matter what..We (hubby and me) had been in that spot many times. Many many times. Helped dozens of friends and then they altogether avoid us as if we have done some mistake. We keep burning the midnight oil trying to anaylse where we went wrong..what can we do to make things better? And at the end, don’t understand anything at all…:( All of it done without expecting anything in return… Like a cycle, I keep doing the same things again. But instead of others feeling guilty, I donno why I feel guilty..I am learning to stop making the guilt trips..
    latha recently posted…Locks of love….My Profile

  27. Our biggest problems arise from the fact that we assume so much about situations but we never make the initiative to ask the person upfront. Had yoru friend cleared her thoughts and assumptions to you, instead of bottling them up such an ugly situation may not have arisen !

  28. True Ruch. There were so many occasions when we had heart to heart talks. We could have sorted it. If it had been any other time and situation, I would have welcomed her opinion.
    Thank you.

  29. Janu,

    As is my won’t, I look beneath the surface of people’s behaviors. There are many reasons people will assume the worst about you, even with no provocation. Some of the reasons have already been cited by the various readers. Sometimes, the reason could also be fear.

    People fear getting hurt if they repose their trust in someone and that trust is abused.

    People are also afraid of their inability to deal with a possible mistake if they trust someone. The thought of having to face their own mistake is downright traumatic for some.

    They’d rather look with a jaundiced eye upon everyone that be compelled to face their fears.
    Dagny recently posted…Song Of LuminescenceMy Profile

  30. Yes Dagny, there were many times when I tried to reach out and change her perspective about things and people. She was a smiling person who hid her problems very well. I guess she did not want to let her guard down.

    Thank you so much.

  31. It is when people start using x-rays to look for motives behind our every move, that I start to respect what Farheena (or people like her) is. She has taught me a lesson that you can be love and be loved in return without thinking too much over it.
    Well written post Janaki.
    Farida Rizwan recently posted…bed time ! ZZZzzzzz…….My Profile

  32. The question is so poignant Janaki… And I’m so sorry that you had to go through that… And I very well recognise this keeda that was planted in your mind..I have had moments when I stopped communications with so called friends when they hurt be beyond repair but to this day sometimes I blame myself! What if I was wrong..? But then again I think that do they really think about us as much as we do…? Too many questions !! I don’t know why can’t relationships be simple…
    nabanita recently posted…Of Pursuits NewMy Profile

    • I agree with you Naba. There have been times when I think I am the only one who is staying in the place when everyone else have moved on. Thanks.

    • afshan on March 12, 2014 at 10:14 am said:

      Relationships are never simple, specially when they are with women half of things are puzzling, atleast to me 🙂

  33. Priyanka on March 10, 2014 at 11:53 pm said:

    I so identify with your reaction..how can people be so insensitive? How can they not see what’s been done for them , leave alone reciprocate the same way ?
    But over the years I have learnt that its not for them that u do good..u do it for yourself..so its not fair to even expect them to understand…like they say neki kar dariya mein daal..

    • I was left wondering…is this the same person I knew. When the situations change, circumstances change…people do change. But we should not forget where we came from or how we traveled!

      Thank You Priyanka.

  34. Some one said this once, “People look at you the way they see themselves.” And I must say this has to be a classic example. We don’t quite understand why certain people behave the way they do, yeah for some they are insecure while for others it’s got to do with their past and yet for some it’s probably the only way they have learnt to deal with people!

    Great post! Glad to have met you here!
    Danny Simon recently posted…Motivators Part Two – The Greatest OneMy Profile

  35. Janu, that was a great personal anecdote for you to share. It does set us thinking. I feel that it all comes down to the most primal emotion that humans have – i.e., to behave like sheep. The need to do what everyone is doing. Like your friend said – there are very few good people – we are (like sheep) supposed to take any good that anyone is doing to us with a pinch of salt. It is ingrained in us to be suspicious and to imagine there to be an ulterior motive behind any good deed. You will agree, in many cases, there is an ulterior motive behind it anyway.
    Sadly, this broad brush-stroke makes genuinely good people feel terrible. And, also, sadly, good people stop being good because they fear that their deeds may be misconstrued.

    Great piece, Janu. Thanks, Rachna, for hosting!
    Rickie recently posted…Aam Aadmi Ki MaaMy Profile

  36. True Rickie. If it was someone else who was just a casual acquaintance or some one not so important, the hurt would have been and may be the situation expected.
    Thank you.

  37. Pingback: Tangy Tuesday Picks-Great posts to be read written by Indian bloggers

  38. Team BlogAdda on March 11, 2014 at 6:12 pm said:

    This post has been selected for the Tangy Tuesday Picks this week. Thank You for an amazing post! Cheers! Keep Blogging 🙂

  39. afshan on March 12, 2014 at 10:10 am said:

    I read each line carefully yesterday Janu . Much needed post for me now. Often we find various categories of people. Better to get rid of them rather than analysing their behaviour or our own ! U did something which U never did. Recently I did something too which I never dreamt I would do. ! Broken friendships and moving apart are just part of life ! Rather than faking yes it is better to move on ! There is another category where , if u ask help even in polite tone, it is considered U r using them or taking them for granted. We have all kinds of mentalities and unlimited ways of thinking around us.

    U did it right. I can sense how much U were hurt. Specially if it is expressed in chatting so openly, it feels so Odd ! God bless her and May God bless U more than her 🙂 😉 Love – Afshan

  40. Thank you Afshan…yes, there are all kinds of people and sadly I wanted her to be the way I thought she was…and probably she thought the same too. Now that I have put this down, I am ready to move on.

  41. I have been let down by so many people who I thought I was being nice to. I’ve come to believe, people will see what they want to see irrespective of your intentions. If they have been deceitful, betrayed someone’s trust, they expect the same from others. Rather than getting affected by this negativity, it’s better to maintain a distance from such people.

    You did the right thing, Janaki. But don’t let such people change you.

  42. Thank you Purba. I am glad that I wrote this post or else I would still be searching for answers for my ‘patterns.’

  43. No clue Janu! Why indeed?
    It’s become harder to accept help as well.. because most folks think with some sort of motive!
    This money business is very irritating! I have a friend – he asks me for money every 2 years once. I say no. he stops talking to me. then he comes back and asks again. WTF is that all about?!

    But, I still try to lend a helping hand to my friends.. not with any motive of course.. but just because I simply want to help them out…

    Lovely introspective post Janaki! Thank you for having her over Rachna! 🙂
    Pixie recently posted…Hope springs eternal. Always.My Profile

  44. Well, some people are like that only. Once I had a ‘friend’ who wasn’t my friend at all but a friend’s friend. This was when I was in college…one day she just landed at my home with a bag and said that she had left her home after fighting with her parents for some reason and wanted me to allow her to stay at my place till the time she found an alternative! Imagine my plight. It was a firm NO from me. Once they come to know that you are a bit accommodating, they just latch on.

    Thanks Pixie.

  45. So beautifully written Janu and yet again, another question !!

    When I do certain things, I do it to perfection – I can never do half-baked things. And among my relatives circle, its not been appreciated rather ppl try to avoid me. I’ve always wondered why !! Because I do things for them with such honest affection on their part and there is no reciprocation.

    Then it hit on me like a slap. They do that to me because they are jealous of me doing things perfectly. They are unable to do it and so they ditch me in all conversations. Its a pretty hard world out there – goodness is never appreciated.

    Rachna – what a wonderful guest you got here 😀

  46. Very beautiful post Janu! I can completely relate to it. it reminded me one of my friends who used to borrow my books for studying and asked for returning them , she made me feel guilty by describing at length why she had not been able to study even a single word from my books. At that time I was so foolish that I could not say anything, but now I can laugh at it. Regarding people having problem with your good qualities, I think they are being jealous. I was always a hardworking student and I have achieved a successful career through hard work, but most of my relatives discuss my achievements as some negative quality. The best way to deal with these negative people is to ignore them!

  47. I know the feeling Ratna. I used to go to the library, read and make notes while most of my friends happily xeroxed them. I did not really mind it because I liked to help them but, over a period of time it was taken for granted that I have to do all the slogging.
    Thanks for sharing your thoughts here 🙂

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