It feels surreal, doesn’t it? Despite having lived through bomb blasts, riots and even wars, somehow my life wasn’t touched in this manner for such a long duration. But this crazy virus has turned all our lives upside down. No not upside down, it has actually changed our perspective on life.

The Uncertainty

I oscillate between very low periods and anxieties to hope that the normal as was known before will be back. Initially, when I saw the cases rise globally and death tallies go up crazily, it sent me in panic mode. So many what ifs went through my mind.

Will we live through this? Then I thought of all the positives that I have healthwise to console myself that maybe I can fight this virus in case I get infected. You know, crazy thoughts!

Then I slowly started cutting down on the online news. I hardly spend any time on Twitter and Facebook these days and when I do I try to stay away from news and opinions of doom. There is enough restlessness in us anyway. We don’t need the hyper anger on social media too.

Plans in limbo

2 trips have been called off. Yes, who knew vacation plans would be crushed this mercilessly. My older boy could not even complete his Board exams as they were called off in a rush. The younger boy missed a few papers, and this has to be his annual exams ever.

Suddenly we are all at home, and instead of being joyful we are anxious. We also had some other major plans for April. Two big decisions that have now been put on hold. It’s nerve wracking.

Family at home

There is someone with a real crazy sense of humour up there. So most of us who always complained about not having enough time because well commute, work etc. Now everyone is home.

Some of us could not work out due to lack of time, and now we can’t due to anxiety. In the first week of lockdown, I stopped working out which is sort of rare for me. But now I have pulled myself up together and try to at least get a walk in daily (with social distancing).

I think every person in the family is struggling to an extent. House work has grown manifolds. Our helps, who really are our lifelines, have not been coming these past days, and it takes a toll. My swollen, dry, peeling hands are witness to it.

Even when everyone does something, the chores feel unending and mundane. The kids have been a huge help in this time taking on the load as well as my moods pretty well.

For once in their lives, I have no screen time or other limits set for the kids. For the husband and I to work peacefully, it is important that they do what they like. So yes, it’s okay to give your children more leeway right now. These are unprecedented times, not a joyride.

I have been encouraging the kids to call their friends more often. We are all doing more video calls because I miss seeing people. That when I was never a very party goer or socializer kind of person.

Our work timelines have changed too. The husband has meetings and calls at all hours. I don’t start working till mid-day because that is as long as it takes to finish the chores and start on lunch. Have you noticed how working from home is almost implying no switching off?

We are all so much more cranky. I know I get really irritable and to not have space from the other members is driving us nuts. I think we all work as a family if we get good enough time gaps when we don’t see each other and also have other things to do. Well, that option is currently not available. I can’t imagine how people with abusive marriages and mental health issues are coping right now.

Cooking

Yes, I love cooking but I wonder if I would continue to love it after this lockdown. There is no respite of eating out, ordering in and simple lunches made from leftovers.

It has become such a pain to plan meals with limited supplies and to cook really large quantities so as to avoid cooking all through the day. There are days when I want to scream or even punch someone. And I know a lot of women and men who are similarly placed.

I wonder

Will we really go back to the normal of eating out in a carefree manner, of hugging people, of not moving far away when we see a stranger approach and of looking forward to working from home?

I mean, the world seems so uncertain now. We are seeing cases increase in India, and I am praying that we don’t see an exponential rise because that would be catastrophic. I pray for all the seniors, my father, my mother-in-law and everyone’s parents to pull through this tough time.

It is not easy but in this circle of life, I am grateful for family, for providers who are working hard so that we have groceries, fruits and veggies, milk and essentials, for our healthcare professionals, for our governments, for a roof over my head, for Netflix, Prime and Hotstar, for friends who care and a mind that says – This too shall pass!

How are you guys coping? Also do let me know if I can help in any way. We can do a video call and fool around if nothing else. 🙂

Comments

comments

9 Thoughts on “20 days in Lockdown

  1. Madan Chavan on April 11, 2020 at 8:10 pm said:

    Well, It is understandable when we get distanced form our daily chore of work, because we have been programmed for our mechanical act. There going to be lift of lock down today or tomorrow, our country is not going to be as worst effected as other. you will feel relieved from this act of lock down very shortly near future.
    But I am suffering different kind of lock down in my home. One thing is , I was been on constant move due to my professional responsibility till last August month.I was been asked remain in home as my wife wanted share the family responsibility. Some times remaining 18 years away from home and coming back to remain with them become challenge. I am been lock down for a year and no scope for esape.

  2. Have you noticed how working from home is almost implying no switching off? – Oh Rachna, you couldn’t have said it any better.

    There is so much to be done no matter how much you do. I have managed the house without maids for five years now, but not having a break from the scene is not going down well on me. Like you, I love cooking too, but I’m not too sure if I’ll continue to love it if the lock down continues.

    I work for 8 hours a day and get the household chores done as and when I can. Slowly, I’m getting used to the new normal, but I cannot wait for all this to end.

    The uncertainty is killing me. I’ve stopped following the news and checking SM about this. It has helped control my anxiety, but the niggling sensation is always there.
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  3. It is important to keep reminding ourselves that this is only temporary.
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  4. This too shall pass. It may be overwhelming, yes, but it’s here for a reason. a reason unbeknownst to us.

    Let’s hold on to all that we have and pray this is behind us soon.

    Keeping you and yours in my prayers, Rachna. Take care.

    https://natashamusing.com/2020/04/palacio-do-deao-a-charming-mansion-in-goa-wordlesswednesday-wednesdaywisdom/
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  5. Oh yes, how things have changed! Like you rightly said, work from home has ended up being work all day. I never used to carry my work laptop home unless it was absolutely necessary. The reason being, at home I liked keep things separate. But now that is all gone away! I end up working non-stop and cooking all meals for 3 people on a daily basis is tiring! On those rare days when I’m not on a call around 6 in the evening, I go for a walk on my terrace. Because I need those few moments of peace! I just hope things get better!

  6. You left me thinking, Rachna. It’s been a month since I traveled to the UK. Since then it has been a month of setting up the house, getting accustomed to the weather here, buying the groceries and shopping every other item – (mostly online, rest the husband takes care) just being inside the home. I started taking walks inside our community because of getting stuffed inside with work. I’m not the one to go out frequently and I don’t prefer either, but even I got a bit annoyed staying inside all the time. It took me more than 2 weeks to adopt to my daughter staying at home again. She used to go to her playschool for close to 3 hours. We came with a plan that she would continue that and now we are all under the same roof. Though we cherish the time we are spending together (since we’ve been away for 6 months this time), we also want that space again. Managing the toddler away from the TV and phone is not an easy task. My husband and I switch our playtime with her apart from the chores. We try to include her in our chores and though that’s a big mess, we’re happy she is not glued to the TV. Thanks for sharing the thoughts most of us have been pondering over time due to the pandemic. This too shall pass!

    On a funny note – I haven’t spent so much time in the kitchen in the last 4 years of married life. ?
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  7. You’ve said it so well Rachna. Those are the exact thoughts I’m having. household chores have increased like crazy with no maids and with everyone being home. I wake up and head for the broom. And yet I cannot complain given that there are so many people in much worse conditions.
    The biggest problem for me is my workout. I have always struggled with consistency but now it’s gone for a total toss. I really really need to get back. Even if I manage 15 minutes everyday I’d feel good.
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  8. You summed it very well, Rachna! A lot of people have the similar concerns. For me – the only thing I am doing well is working out. Not sure what triggered but I am more regular than before. Having to cook is hard for me. VT pitches in to clean and together we are managing. Work went up manifold and that is because my core job is people resources.
    I also stopped tracking news and numbers. I am okay a little cut off. Take care, Rachna! I keep checking and trying your recipes now and then.
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  9. Vishal Bheeroo on April 26, 2020 at 12:14 am said:

    It is surreal. What we saw in futuristic Hollywood movies, a sense prevailed that it shall never happen, right! My India plan in April was called off. The post-Corona is going to change the way we see things and we cannot rely on the usual. Perhaps, call our loved ones and every week, I speak to the best friend on WA. We might have an India college days reunion next week and just downloaded Zoom. To tell you, how we need to go back to basics. First time in my life, I hosted a workshop on video conference and discovered what a live class in, conquering fear. Stay safe!

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