I was watching this advertisement on telly. There was some banter between a wife and a husband. The wife says, “I used to be more independent before marriage.” So I turn to my husband and say, “I used to be too.” He gave me ‘the look.’ You know the fun and sometimes the exasperating part in a marriage is when we either roll the eyes and give each other the looks. J These perfectly convey what we wish to say without saying a word and sometimes are very convenient in stopping the conversation from treading dangerous territories.
Anyhow, so well, I went on to talk as I always do (even when the other person has quickly put on headphones). I said that I meant it in a good way. I used to be more independent because then I didn’t have a life partner to share the load with. That made me think how comfortable I am with the knowledge that there are things I don’t know well and can’t do well enough. I mean, I know of women who stress that they don’t know everything or can’t do everything. I have a slightly different approach. If the spouse knows it better I just let him do it.
What is wrong with depending upon someone? Don’t I handle so many things at home almost single handedly? He tells me, “You are better at this. Take care of it. “ And I do. Not for a moment does he feel inadequate because of that or any less capable. But for some reason, I’ve seen that women try to ace everything. At the end of the day, our goal is happiness. If your routine does not burn you out already, go ahead try to do it all, whatever all is. Me, I am just trying to somehow get though my already full days.
This is not to say that I don’t advocate that people be self sufficient. Both the husband and wife are individuals who should be able to manage the home in the absence of the other. That way, it does not stifle one person or ties them to the home and hearth all the time. That independence is needed. Hence both should know how to manage their food, drive/travel, do groceries, handle finances, manage the kids, do the basic household chores and basically function well. I have known women who take pride in their husbands being unable to do a single chore at home. Why would you want that? Isn’t that bizarre — an adult unable to find his bearings around the home. Not me. I take pride in him being able to manage things on his own.
I think most importantly we need to have freedom in our thought processes. Independence comes from having the open mind to give each other space, to live happily with a contrary opinion, to have a mindset and attitude that can take on the biggest challenges in life and come up tops and to avoid controling the other.
On second thoughts, I am perhaps more independent in my thoughts and deeds now than before. I have the courage to buck the trend and the strength to follow my ideals and convictions.
What is independence to you? Do you equate it with financial freedom or your other traits?