He is a little boy. I remember my first meeting with him. He was visiting my home along with his grandparents. He was very young just under 2 years, I think. Since there was a language barrier between us, I spoke to him in the language that all children understand – candies, cookies and chocolates. Happily, he grabbed a few, flashing a quick smile while scampering off to play with my sons. The big brothers took him to play on the swings in the park. The child was petrified of Coco, my Labrador, so we had to keep the dog locked away. Else, he is a fearless child.
Even back then, he was a child who was constantly doing something. Picking toys, throwing them, picking things and breaking them. He did not listen to his grandma’s entreaties and threats. He ran amok in the house while we tried to rescue the stuff lying around. It was as if a low-intensity hurricane was unleashed on the house. I am normally very patient and understanding even of unruly kids, but this child was quite something. Yes, we were on tenterhooks till he left. His grandparents profusely apologized for the stuff he had still managed to break.
Next visit was a few months later, again to my home, and his behavior was quite the same. And, then I met him a few days back. This time we were visiting his grandparents’ home. He is almost 4 years old now. He has picked up a smattering of Hindi and English now. His behavior is still the same. He does not sit quietly in one place even for a minute. He hits out at you easily. He hits everyone. And, he is averse to touch. Most kids like being picked up or held, but he wiggles out of your reach.
He will snatch your stuff especially tablets. He may even throw your phone down. You have to be really vigilant around him. He did enjoy playing with my elder sons, but he hated it if they tried to hug him. His grandparents again felt embarrassed at his behavior. The child is a nuisance to be around. You have to be on guard always around him because he will just throw things down or injure himself. He also does not listen to anything you say. His grandma was dealing with him very patiently though she was really stressed.
You must be wondering about his parents. Yes, they are alive and well, but they have dumped their child on their old parents. This is because the wife finds it very hard to look after the boy since he was born. Well, the child did not drop out of the heaven,and they should have pondered that before giving birth to him. They are so callous and uncaring that they only take the child home once in a week and barely for an hour or so. It is really tragic that people have kids but don’t want to look after them. I can see that this rejection is scarring the child as is apparent in his dysfunctional behavior.
Irony of ironies, the parents have another child, a younger daughter, who lives with them. Every time I meet this little boy, I am exasperated at his behavior yet feel really sorry for his circumstances.
What do you think? Is every child with abnormal behavior actually crying for help, and why do people have children if they have to abandon them in this manner?
Pic courtesy: Serge Bertasius Photography at Freedigitalphotos.net
I feel very bad for him..Clearly he is missing his parents but he doesn’t know it yet…And he is the one who will ultimately suffer
You know the parents are responsible for this..And to some extent our society as well which doesn’t let couples breathe till they have one child at-least…
I feel very bad for him too. I have tried to speak to the grandparents asking them to let their son take his responsibility. But they just say that he is not loved by his parents so better that he stays in their home. His old grandmother finds it very hard to raise him. I wish I could give a piece of my mind to the parents. Can you believe that they stay pretty closeby. Yes, the society is at fault too. But, I can’t imagine parents doing this to their own firstborn. :/
This is really sad, for the boy and for grandparents too who are now compelled to look after the boy and all his needs. I really hope that the parents find some way to get the necessary help the boy needs. Or if they are too self-absorbed, the grandparents should put some sense into their thick heads and ask them to take responsibility.
Like I said to Nabanita above, I have tried to speak to the grandparents asking them to let their son take his responsibility. But they just say that since the boy is not loved by his parents so better that he stays in their home. Besides, they have asked their son many times to take him but he does not listen. They do not get along with their dil. His old grandmother finds it very hard to raise him. I wish I could give a piece of my mind to the parents. Can you believe that they stay pretty closeby. What a situation! Makes my blood boil, but what can I do in their personal matter?
This is the most unusual situation I have heard..not of the kid but the boy’s parents dumping their problems on their elderly parents..we should be labeling them as dysfunctional not the little boy. This kid is crying out for help..in his own way and the grandparents have to take a stand and let their children know that they have to deal with their problems. Secondly, Homeopathy works effectively for kids with such problems. As for the parents, perhaps a shot of some horse-vaccine will get them running on track..
Yep, this boy’s father quite takes his parents for granted. They are soft spoken and loving. Definitely the couple is dysfunctional and extremely self-centered. I have tried to speak to the grandparents often, but they prefer to do it their way.
I never have understood people like this. What goes on in what passes for their brains when they so readily abandon responsibilities that they actually chose to take on?
Seriously, I fail to understand what is wrong with people?
I have seen this happening .. In my case, the parents were eminent professionals in well known media houses.. They did the same thing, leaving their child to the parents. They lived away and came only during the weekends..
I do not how they do it .. In this case the child was adorable, only very naughty.
I do not know, what constraints the parents have and how they do it …
Yes, I have seen some parents do what you have mentioned. There was a mother who was completing her studies in another city and had left her girl with her in-laws. But, she loved the child and visited her whenever she got an opportunity. When her studies were over, she took the child with her. Here these people live closeby and yet do not feel the need to keep their own child with them. The mother is a homemaker so it does not make any sense.
In my case – I meant the case I was talking about …
Got that.
I blame the parents.. why bring a kid when you cant take care of them.. Such parents need to be punished i would say and held responsible.
this is not right. all that the little kid is going through is his parents fault 100%..
Yes, I blame the parents too. Somewhere the grandparents a bit because they are just not firm in confronting their son.
The kid needs help. Maybe his parents need some help too.
Feel so sorry for the grandparents.
Yes, I think all of them need therapy. The grandparents too who find it hard to confront their son and dil. What a huge mess.
Yes, this is a way of attracting attention all the time. He must be very sad because his sister is with his parents and grand parents are old and so he feels alone. Poor boy. How long can he live with the old people. One day they have to take him back then he might give them more trouble. Maybe they will dump him in a hostel. Huh…very bad situation. Feel sorry for the boy.
Yes, it is very sad. He mentions his parents often in his conversations and always defends them or says nice things about them. Poor child! I wonder the same too. But, then we can only say so much to others. It is their family matter after all.
ohh…so many things cropped up in my mind when I read this. First is, is the child really normal? When I say ‘normal’ means, is he a special needs kid in any way? somehow, your description of the child made me think that way. 2nd thing, I couldn’t believe his parents are alive and take him home only once in a while. That too with another kid living with them. I totally understand when parents are not able to handle kids. I was one of them who dropped my son in India for a while because of no other option I had in the US. But, I got him back and tried to handle all the behavioral issues all by ourselves. Sorry for the grandparents….they have to go through all this. The family needs help, seriously. I wish someone tells the parents what wrong they are doing. The child needs attention and love and more patience.
To tell you the truth, I wondered that too about the child. Could he have ADHD? But, it is impossible to broach this with grandparents. You know how people react when you say such things in India. I understand that bit too, Latha. I have seen some parents drop their children at the grandparents due to some pressing obligations like a course they wanted to finish or something. But, they love their children and reach out to them at every opportunity. This case is almost of abandonment and reckless uncaring for one’s own child. Also the grandparents are paying the price of the parents’ apathy. The couple is very brash, and will not appreciate anyone’s interference. We all feel helpless.
In US, I know many couples who take pride in the fact that there kid is with their parents in India and they are minting money here. My neighbor in Boston was very happy one day, I asked her, ‘how the newborn was?’. Her reply was, ‘She is with her grandparents.’ She sent her 2 months old baby, I was shocked. What kind of childhood is that? What kind of parents they are?
I hate such people. Yes, parents are responsible and abnormal behavior is cry for help.
My God! Can’t believe they sent back a 2 months old child..sick
Why have children? Just concentrate on their careers, I’d say. In this child’s case, the mother is a homemaker. The couple’s behavior angers me, but there is nothing we can do.
such children usually develop serious behavioral troubles. The parents must be ashamed of their irresponsible behavior. sad to read about a young life going on not-so-good tracks.
I wonder if the parents are even capable of understanding the damage they are doing to their own child with their lackluster behavior. Makes me so sad.
It’s quite upsetting to see children in situations like these. And yes, I suppose in someways, the parents should have thought long and hard before bringing a life into this already over populated world. Their indifference could only further aggravate the situation. Sigh!
I agree. I wonder if those parents do any thinking. I can never get it out of my mind how they have almost abandoned their own child.
Is that the only reason for the parents to keep the child away from themselves? In that case, it’s really pathetic. His behaviour definitely is a result of feeling neglected and experiencing lack of attention. I feel really bad for the boy. What was his fault? Such people should choose not to have kids.
I really don’t know, Rekha. I haven’t met the father in ages. He stays with his wife a little distance away from his parents’ place. His wife is a homemaker and finds it very difficult to handle her son. She prefers him to be away to her in-laws house. The grandparents don’t like this either but try to do their best for the little one. But, they are also old. It is really a sad situation. I have spoken to them multiple times but they just will not confront their son. :/
I am shocked to read this one Rachna. Have our lives become so self-centered that we don’t even care about our little ones? then why breed if you cannot take care of them! This is absolutely unfair! God bless the little boy and the grandma!
It is shocking and true. Everytime I see that boy, I feel such pity for him. He is so averse to human touch. That also baffles me.
hmm,it happens in a failed marriage where one of partners wants kid and another is reluctant to have one.kids are like ore found on earth.when they are born and are at young age,they are in crude form and their behavior gets refined with time by parenting like we do extract metals after refining ore in metallurgy.if you leave them unattended,they stay in stagnant crude form or crude behavior which is abnormal for refined people.i think these kids parents must be sent to jail and prosecuted.working couples who don’t have time for parenting should stay away from having kids,they should not have kids due to peer pressure coz someone known to you have kids or everyone married should have kids.
Yes, there is this stupid pressure from society that often forces couples to have children when they may not want to. Even more baffling is that the lady is a homemaker and yet is reluctant to look after her own child.
And that is why Indian parents should not force their children to make babies. This is what happens.
I don’t think that is the real case here because these people have two kids!! Wonder what is the reason behind all this. Needless to say, I sympathies with the boy here.
I wonder too. The parents of this boy live very close to their parents and the lady is a homemaker yet they don’t keep their own son with them. Very strange.
This is a slightly tough one, Rachna. I know of a boy who was brought up almost completely by his grandparents, while his twin sister was with the parents. The main reason was the grandmom who wanted to bring up the boy and well, the parents didn’t really protest the idea. He was very unruly, practically unmanageable and would get into the most dreadful scrapes ever. But, he also grew up to be one of the kindest, softest and most large-hearted souls I have ever known. Did the parents do the right thing? I am not sure. I don’t know if I can judge them for what they did. He is now very close to his parents. So, I guess, what I am saying is there is always more than what meets the eye in situations like this one. For the boy’s sake, I hope it all works out for the best.
Thank you for sharing the story, Shailaja. It gives me hope that all may turn out well for this child. The only difference in this case is that the grandparents do not wish to raise him. The grandma told me multiple times that she finds it very hard to discipline the child, and that she has asked her son to take him away, but he does not. This boy’s parents live pretty close to their parents’ place. And this boy’s mother is a homemaker. It is really very baffling, the entire situation.
Rachna,world has changed and I feel miserable when I watch the real world of today.
I know of a case where parents left their new born alone just because it was ” Recession” and they couldn’t afford to have him with them.
Let’s not blame any child for unreasonable behaviour.
Why give birth to a child and then abandon him? There are so many methods to ensure that you don’t have children if you don’t want them.
Well, a very strange fact for me that they keep daughter with themselves and abandon their son! Normally, I’ve seen people fond of boys and abandon their daughters.
Yes, I have seen that phenomenon too, Ravish. This definitely is weird.
I wonder what kind of parents they are! …Feeling sad for the poor kid…
Me too, Mani. :/
Tough one, Rachna, especially when we know sketchy details. It’s not as if the Grandma is doing a bad job of bringing up the boy. Like you said, she’s incredibly patient. I think the boy needs disciplining along with his parents :/
She is a lovely lady, Purba. My own kids have played in her lap. But she is old and diabetic. And she finds it really hard to run after a little boy who is extremely energetic. Besides, she herself said that she does not want this responsibility which has been imposed on her. She also pities the boy as her own son and dil care so little for him. It is such a heartbreaking situation. And she and her husband are way too mild to confront the son. :/
Really touching, Rachna.
It is the parents responsibility to take care of the child. Strange that they have handed over to their old parents…
Strange indeed, Anita.
In the entire story I feel terribly sorry only for that little guy… The parents don’t want him, the grandparents think he is a burden and nobody seems to bother about the real reason behind his behavioral challenges…. He is like totally lost in this entire drama… Having said that Rachna I believe we must not get judgemental here …. For all we know there could be some non selfish reasons that we do not know do be fair to the parents …. It’s very easy to comment about others right ? We do not fully know the story .
I am trying to be very non-judgmental here, Jaish. Believe me, I know some really unpleasant details that I have kept out of this post. I know this family very closely. I sincerely hope that all works out well for the child in the end. I just feel very sorry for him and am unable to help him in anyway.
Your description reminded me of another child I had heard about. I think a lot of these behaviors are associated with ADHD kids. We many a times think that a highly active child has ADHD, but ADHD children stand out in their inability to function normally. Its possible that the parents left the child after they found out about the problem. In any case, quite sad. As the callous attitude of the parents is bound to have an even detrimental effect on the child.
I felt the same, Asha. I thought that perhaps the child is suffering from ADHD. Because he is a handful, his mother refuses to look after him since he was tiny. I have heard horrendous tales of her beating him to rein in his behavior. :/ But these folks are conservative and will not seek any help especially of the psychiatric kind. Like you said, their desertion is perhaps making him even more unruly and lonely.
This sounds so awful!! I have heard the exact story from my boss whose brother-in-law and his wife dump their kid on the grandparents because they are just lazy; they watch movies till late at night and don’t want to be bothered to wake early for their child!! And, the child displays the same aggressive behaviour of hitting and being very unruly.
It makes me so angry that people pop out babies and then refuse to take any responsibility for them!! And, I feel really bad for the grandparents too! I wish they would refuse to take charge and put the onus back on the parents!