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Today, I have the pleasure of hosting noted psychologist and mindfulness guide, Aarathi Selavan for a wonderful post on living intentionally that I think will benefit all my readers.

In a whirlwind of emotions, we react poorly, it is but human after all. But when we find ourselves time and again in situations where we end up reacting hurtfully towards ourselves and others, we start to wonder if we can ever catch a break.

Life is tough, no one said otherwise and yet we find ourselves empty handed in the face of difficult times. We find that our resilience tool box is empty; we fall to our knees and curl up unable to grasp at what life has thrown at us.

Living intentionally when the going gets tough is not an easy skill. Our fear buttons are triggered, and we go into the flight or fight mode in the hopes that the easier more manageable aspects of life would envelope us sooner than later.

However, living intentionally is key to meeting with life no matter what is thrown at us or no matter what we stumble upon.

Here are three ways to begin looking at life more intentionally, especially when the going gets tough:

  • Take Breaks to take your mind off what’s going on: When you kid falls sick and needs a few months to recover; when your spouse and you have had fights more often; when grief strikes at you one event after another, and you find yourself constantly walking the thin line between pain and joy, take breaks to take your mind off what is going on. Breaks can be anything ranging from a few deep breaths, to embracing the gifts of the present moment. Taking a break could mean going out for a run, or shutting the door to your room or meditating. Taking a break from the overwhelming in life right now is important in order to breathe, to gather perspective, to just be. In taking a break, we offer ourselves some space, space between what is and ourselves. In doing this, smalls shifts begin to occur.
  • Embrace the chaos but not necessarily the situation: The universe was born from chaos. Chaos is part of the rhythm of our universe. The great Mother Nature lives, thrives and finds peace as a result of chaos. We are a part of this universe. Our chaos, our overwhelm and our difficult emotions are a part of this universal rhythm. In accepting our chaos as being a natural cycle of nature, of being human, we embrace the overwhelm without the story it brings with it. When I can embrace the anger I feel at my spouse, just the anger and not the story that lead to the emotion, I disconnect from the story itself, from the ego that comes in the way of embracing my anger. When I can do that, I begin to see the light in the situation. I see ways that can help me overcome my chaos. 
  • Dive deep and ask the difficult questions, seek a higher perspective: There is always a different perspective to a difficult situation. However, it cannot come to us if we don’t take the breaks we need and embrace the chaos that envelops us. When we are able to do that, we start to create space between our difficult situation and ourselves. Committing to dive deep within ourselves and asking the difficult questions helps us look at our life from a broader more expansive and open manner. This week when you feel a wave of emotion ready to drown you, sit upright and open your journal. Take a few minutes off from any situation where this emotion may burst open or coddle you and write about it. Write about the physical sensation it creates, write about the thoughts it generates, write thus without judgements about the sensations and thoughts you come up with. Once done, consider the temporary nature of this emotion. Invite a broader perspective, one that accepts your emotion and lets your ride it, as you would ride with music you are completely attuned to. Ask yourself this: What are my current views about the situation? Can there be another way to think about this situation? (eg. If your dear friend was in a situation like this what would you say to her/him?).

I fret and fear change; I look for moments when things will start to go wrong. No matter how transient this moment is, I seem to have a hard time embracing change. I wished these pointers were given to me when I was a young gal. But then again, I realize that living intentionally is an invitation to live better, live more free especially when the going gets tough, it is a practice and not some perfection to achieve.

 living intentionally

Aarathi Selvan is a clinical psychologist, Mindfulness guide and a Contemplative artist. She sees clients in her private practice and leads workshops online and in-person and writes Ebooks on mindfulness and creative journaling. 

This april (17-19th) she is leading a workshop on Mindfulness for Intentional Living at Hyderabad. Check out the event details here

You can reach out to her at: Website: www.aarathiselvan.com and www.pauseforperspective.com

FB Page:www.facebook.com/betweenlifesdoings

23 Thoughts on “Living Intentionally When the Going Gets Tough

  1. Agree with the writing down the intensity of the emotion. That has always helped me deal with my feelings very well. I also do the same thing with the emotion- watch it dispassionately. Doesn’t always work especially when I put myself in the ‘I am wronged’ circle, but yes, it does help on most days.

    Thank you for hosting Arathi here, Rachna.

    • Thanks Shailaja for reading and your comments too. Watching emotions dispassionately is soo difficult! I like to think of it as embracing my emotions instead, when I look at the choas I have created for myself. Most definately helps me accept my “wrongs” just a bit more easily. 🙂

  2. Very handy suggestions and steps, Aarathi. Recently, I’ve started to sort of ‘soak in’ the chaos and there is some peace that I find it.

    Pleasure to see you here on Rachna’s blog, Aarathi.

    • 🙂 So wonderful Sid. It definately requires practice, I feel…this soaking in the chaos bit. But when the going gets tough what else is there to do 🙂

  3. Agree completely! I have seen the good it does when we change our perspective about a difficult situation! Like they say, change your fishbowl, change yourself. Thanks for for a thought provoking read!

  4. Really a thoughtful post Aarathi.
    We generally avoid difficult question, and work as per pre- concieved notions.
    Understanding with a bigger perspective is very useful.
    Thanks

    • Thanks Swati. I know, we are so driven by the auto-pilot, to react and survive. A higher perspective is also my saving grace. Glad you enjoyed the post 🙂

  5. I have found mental distancing from the issue at hand – a break – works best for me.

  6. Great tips, Aarathi. I am sure it requires some amount of practice and patience for it to be successful. But we all have to begin somewhere. Thank you. 🙂

  7. Deepankar on March 28, 2015 at 7:16 am said:

    Valuable recommendations Aarathi…need to focus on breaks at d correct time before the pressure or difficulties mount heavy on us…
    Thanks for the tips & suggestions

  8. Nice perspective here! Taking the bull by its horns in most situations helps:) Running away will not!

  9. I agree with the points, specially about taking a break… we need to learn to relax and reflect back on our your lives once in a while, else it becomes too overwhelming.

    • Aarathi on March 31, 2015 at 9:31 am said:

      Breaks come in so manY ways. I feel like I’m an everyday I can’t do without mini breaks at all! Thanks for Reading rajlakshmi

  10. Those are indeed helpful tips. Thanks Rachna and Aarathi 🙂

    I myself had been having to deal with some utter chaos in life lately! I liked it!! Embrace the chaos, but not the situation..

    True!! I always console myself with tough times..”This too shall pass”

  11. Aarathi on March 31, 2015 at 9:29 am said:

    Agreed! Glad you liked the post Rahul❤️

  12. You are perhaps right,but,in difficult situations one is imbalanced that one finds it strange to look for immediate remedies.
    However,I agree that when going gets tough….tough get going.

    • Aarathi on March 31, 2015 at 2:53 pm said:

      Yes and difficult situations are part of our everyday life, more reason to find balance in difficult situations no?

  13. Nice way of tackling obstacles and calamities.I myself believe that rationality helps most of all,but over-sensitive people tend to be drowned in their own motions.
    Happy to read you Aarathi 🙂

    • Hi Indu! So nice to hear from you. I am one of those over sensitive people and easily succumb to my emotions. Maybe that’s why Ive come up with a strong enough strategy to help me out 🙂 Thanks for reading!

Do not leave without commenting. I love a good conversation :).

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