My Dear Coco

It will be seven months tomorrow since we lost Coco, our dearest Labrador boy slightly shy of his 13th birthday. He was a senior dog, and we were sort of reconciling ourselves to his failing health. He had two weeks of terrible diarrhoea that never went away. But, when the end eventually came, the pain and grief was sharp.

Even thinking about it makes me tear up. Those who have known me over the years know of Coco. If you met him or played with him, you were blessed, like we were.

Looking back, he came into my life at a time when I was least expecting him to and did not feel a need for a pet. I love dogs. I have always loved them. So I knew the huge responsibility that having one is. With two young boys and loads of work, I didn’t think I had the time or energy to raise a pet baby.

But what do I know? The husband just springs a surprise and brings a puppy home. His impulsive decisions can be frustrating, but this one was definitely not. Our tiny Coco with his beautiful blue eyes and a chubby shape quickly melted our hearts. My younger son who had just started school found a perfect friend and little brother who tolerated his mischief.

My older son loved his new companion. And I had found my best mate and son. Coco was supremely friendly yet gentle. Like other Labradors, he was always looking to make a friend and game for some extra petting. Little kids came home to play with him. His patience and affection were immense.

Initial year was hectic as we trained him and housebroke him. But after that, he was such a joy to have around. He would be bouncing, jumping, talking and also indulging in lots of naughty behaviour. Coco loved car rides. Just picking up the car keys would have him begging us to take him along.

He was afraid of heights and would not allow us to carry him once he was fully grown up. He would always be stationed around my feet when I worked on my laptop. I would occasionally pet him or run my hands through his fur. He was the calming presence around me, quietly giving me company, satisfied in just being around.

He was also always game for hugs, and he really listened. You could crib to him, and he would listen with a very saintly expression. He was also an extremely well mannered boy, so good that we actually nicknamed him achchi (meaning good). It’s another story that he had so many nicknames over his lifetime.

While he recognised Gurdev as the master and was also slightly afraid of him, with me he was protective and pure love. I guess all dogs are like that with their mums. I fed him and took care of his needs, and I was fiercely protective of him too. He was a constant presence in my life, and such a positive influence too. He would talk to me and patiently sit facing me for his food. He would also come and put his head  in my lap If I was ignoring him.

He was a beautiful boy who had us wrapped around his paws. The years went by so quickly. We did the maximum road trips so that he could travel with us on vacation. He loved beaches. He loved farmhouses. He loved the outdoors a lot. All he ever wanted was to have his family around him and nothing else mattered.

He barely wanted any toys or anything fancy. A used carton, his brothers’ basket ball or tennis balls were perfect for playing. He loved fetching and playing ball. He was a constant companion on our evening walks and loved to sprint. Best of all, he was so compassionate, kind and nice. Truly, he was one of a kind.

Then as he grew older and started ageing, it was hard to see how he started sleeping through longer hours and started walking much less. His joints started giving him trouble, and he grew slower. His eyes got hazy, but his spirit was always up. He did not like puppies and their extra energies much. He had a couple of nice doggy friends but otherwise did not really seek other dogs. I can bet that he thought of himself as human.

Then, he passed on 5th April this year. Life after him was very tough, the initial week being the worst. I was unable to speak to anyone at length or share my grief. I am truly grateful for all the messages and phone calls of friends and family who reached out. But, I had clammed up.

We constantly felt his presence around the house, and the routine of cooking and feeding him was difficult to leave behind. We got his cremated and brought his ashes home. Each of us would make a trip to his room to hold on to his memories and to speak to him in our own way.

Slowly, as time passed, we began to cope. But Coco is a constant in my thoughts. I have dreamed of him on numerous occasions. He pops up in my photos often. And, we miss him on our milestones. Our road trips and Diwali family photos, our birthdays and special occasions, there is an emptiness that will always stay.

Truly, only those who have pet babies only know how deep and enriching it is to have one. The crushing part is how short their stay is with us and the gaping hole they leave behind when they are gone.

If you want to experience unconditional love, give a dog a home. But also be mindful, that is like raising a child. Think 100s of times before you get one, as you must have the time and energy to give them. 

My Coco, I will always love you. I don’t know if I have it in me to have another dog baby. Can anyone ever match up to him? It’s not even fair to expect that. As I always felt, he must have attained moksha because he was just the goodest boy there ever was! I miss you!