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I was sitting and having tea with the husband and having a chat when his mobile phone rang. One minute into the conversation, he offered to the person at the other end in a honey-drenched voice, “Why don’t you talk to my wife? She has been handling this issue and knows much more than me.”

Before I could say, “Who?” the phone was shoved in my hand, and he had proceeded to move away to the living room to sprawl himself in front of the couch where a mindless (seen-to-death) movie was playing. As I spoke to the person, I realized it was about a recent distressing incident from one of the parties involved. I spoke at length with the man at the other end. After 15-20 minutes, he had finally seen my point of view and said that he will do everything in his power to help me. Feeling triumphant, I went over to hubby and said, “Looks like he will handle the matter to our satisfaction.

The husband replied, “After that much talking, he would have willed his entire estate to you!

I should have known better, I guess. 🙂

This is not the first time that he has ‘praised’ my talking skills. Very early into the marriage, he realized that getting into a prolonged conversation with his wife was a losing battle. Smartly, he would pretend to turn deaf or actually dose off while I was animatedly explaining something to him. There are times these days when I am having ‘stimulating’ conversations with the kids when he walks in, rolls his eyes and walks off casting a sympathetic look to the hapless children. The kids take the break in the conversation as a signal to run off chasing each other like maniacs around the house. We do live in a madhouse. 

Well, I have what you call the gift of logical gab. I can talk on most given topics. Speak from both sides and bamboozle you with my carefully-curated arguments that have been honed by years of research, reading, incessant mulling, discussions and content writing experience.

So much so that I am the best antidote to errant kids. A talk with mausi (aunt) is dangled to bring the most mischievous kids to fall in line. Imagine the prospects of having a long chat with me where all your arguments are torn apart mercilessly; your spirit is broken and you are made to write off your soul to your parents. After one or two treatments of my talk, no one bothers to get into that mode with me.

Coming back to dear husband, he milks this prowess to death in dealing with pesky customer service, errant service providers and generally people he does not like much. I am very polite yet very firm and forceful. And, I have seen strangers often getting blown away (literally) when I unleash my well-articulated verbal diarrhea on them. Scared for their life and mental stability, they think it best not to talk further.

Huh, you thought MBA education was a farce? Absolutely not! I majored in Marketing, and let me tell you there are very few things I cannot sell to you.

Also, to aid my unmatched tongue, I have a sharp memory that remembers that you told me last time that your bracelet was a gift from your husband and today that your mil gifted me. Or that you have badmouthed that blogger to me and are sucking up to them like long-lost siblings on their FB profile. Blah! At least lie sensibly if you have to. It is another thing that I stifle a grin and will not tell you to your face. I am very understanding that way. 🙂

Well, within the family, the kids know it is best not to lie to mom. She has hawk’s eyes and an elephant’s memory and it is best not to trample the tail of a sleeping python.

If there is one thing that unites this household it is that ‘Beware: Mom talks and how!’

52 Thoughts on “My unmatched prowess

  1. LOL! Can I borrow you and your prowess please. I have to negotiate with the carpenter for much needed repairs. And after that, I need to get a raise from the boss for doing the same amount of work as I am doing at a lesser wage.

  2. Been there. Done that. Still do that.
    J is the voice of logical reasoning in our household 😉
    If it comes to emails though, I take over !

  3. LOL! Is this post a warning for certain people who have been bugging you lately? 😉

  4. Hahaha! NOW I am frantically trying to recollect everything I ever told you 🙂

  5. Ha Ha… the mom sure knows the best… in most families it is

    ” Ane de tere Papa ko woh batayenge”

    but it seems the other way round with your family 🙂 🙂

    But I do hope this Budget air case is resolved in your favor asap….

    • Woh mere mummy ke time ka dialog tha. Aaj kal ladies have a lot of pride to admit that they don’t know something. 🙂

      I hope so too. Tired of chasing them. Will only find peace when the refund reaches the bank account.

  6. Rakesh Pandey on August 27, 2015 at 1:38 pm said:

    A precious gift, I say! Hope to God that I don’t ever have to confront you. I’m not much of a talker and like the caller in this story, I may end up willing you my entire estate, which comprises of a bike. 😀

    A brilliant self analysis! Oratorical skills are truly a boon and you are the lucky one to have it.

    • haha Thanks so much, Rakesh. Well, I don’t know how to ride a bike, but my husband would like your bike, I guess. 🙂 Yes, I realize that it is a great skill to speak well. Thanks for reading.

  7. Ha ha ha. This brings back all our lunch time conversations from yesterday and how we use our power of the spoken word.

    Oh damn! Now I have forgotten which people I spoke about with you 😉 Must play it safe.

    • Yes, I thought everyone could do with some humor. 🙂

      You, my dear, are always prim and proper and a pleasure to be with. You have nothing to worry. 🙂

  8. Lol….my good ness…I should watch what I speak to you now and when we meet…:P
    Happy to know that the customer service is finally acting properly. BTW, in my household too…I am the incharge of all the customer care etc…I used to think, I was the smart one to deal this….later realised he is the lazy one and escaping to do stuff and happily enjoying while I spend hours and days to get things resolved….grrrr

  9. Ha ha 🙂 Wonderfully written, Rachna! Loved every bit of it:)

  10. Loved the expression – Well articulated verbal diarrhea. Serves as a warning to the readers. 🙂

  11. Hahaha, in my case too, Saru leads (in a slightly different way though)…i don’t have that much of a patience to talk to errant people.

    I am more of an assertive and quick to get things done person…don’t like to wait on them long or even the people who do so…such calls go to Saru!

  12. While I pride myself on my logical reasoning abilities, my memory can fail me at times. You have the lethal combo. Respect. 😀

  13. LOL!! I, like Shailaja and Prudhvi am now frantically thinking about all our discussions and hoping that I have been consistent! 😛
    I also handle the customer service phone calls in our house but mainly because The Husband is just too impatient to deal with them!

    • hehehe You know how much I enjoy chatting with you. So stop pulling my leg. 🙂 Yes, impatience is the keyword. I guess if it is convenient for men to do that.

  14. ROFL, so like me. Not only I remember those finer details and speak like you, I know which phrase is most appropriate in a particular situation.

    Leave blogging, let’s start a law firm. 😛

    I can totally imagine the situation at your place.

  15. Lovely post.I am at the other end of the scale 🙁

  16. I need to be careful if we ever met 😉
    Can you really talk to the customer service folks politely? Now that’s something I must learn…I get so annoyed by them.

    • Oh yes, I can talk very politely. Actually, I mostly talk politely even before I slam the phone down. 🙂 You don’t have anything to worry. I am sure we will have a great time whenever we meet.

  17. Ha ha ha… beware the mom…. i like that. All I can say is that I am envious. I can never remember who said what or even what I said to whom which is why I make for a poor liar.

    • I think it is a gift and a curse in true Monk style. Sometimes, I wish that the person I liked would not lie so. But overall, I know how not to use the facts for personal confrontation.

  18. JAHANPANAH tusin great hon 🙂

    I better be shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

  19. I thought you are writing about me! My husband never acknowledges me when I am talking about something ‘important’…maybe important to me! I am not a good ‘talker’ like you say you are! Children…mom is always wrong!

    Good analysis!

    • heheh Husbands over the years sort of switch off when the wife is talking. I think it is harmless and fun too sometimes. 🙂 I like his confused look when I suddenly question him and he has no clue. 😉

  20. that was a very smart light hearted post and am happy i will meet you and you will remember me 🙂

  21. I never had the gift of gab and hence I am always in awe of people who do. I cannot talk to save my life, infact I’d probably ruin a good situation, ask me to write though, and its a completely different story.

  22. I’m rather jealous. Actually I admire this so much you have no idea!!:) I always think if I could answer people when they challenged me or argued with me in writing I’d be set. I can think clearly in writing. I am lousy at defending myself, explaining myself, arguing. debating etc., in person but it is skill I much admire. I don’t know why I lack in this area so much…worried about not being “nice”? Fear? I don’t know…but I know people like you who are eloquent and logical with their words and I can only wish I had that same gift…:)

    • Thanks so much, Colleen. I guess all those presentations way back in college and public speaking experience honed my skill. Also, since I remember things well, it often adds to the impromptu experience of speaking. I guess I am good with words both written and spoken which I feel very proud of. Of course, it is another story that the family feels rather cornered at times. 😉

  23. Ha..ha..the gift of the gab and so many animals rolled into you…enjoyed this one immensely!

  24. Gift of logical gab! Wow, that’s an unmatched skill indeed! Enjoyed reading this post! 🙂

  25. Pingback: Life - here and there - Rachna Says

  26. Udayashankar on September 10, 2015 at 7:51 pm said:

    Haha Im sure u have faced situations where people quite often bow down and ask “Madamji Charan Kidhar Hain Aapka”

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