After a heated row with hubby, I was fuming and steam was coming out of all imaginable and unimaginable places on the body. For the umpteenth time, I asked myself, “Why did I have to get married?” Rosy pictures of singlehood began playing out like a stuck up ditty in my mind – the freedom, no one to nag or tell me how to do things right, someone else cooking and keeping the house clean, no accountability! Ah bliss were those days!

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No matter what I say now, when I was younger, I had some crazy notions about love. Blame movies and Mills & Boons, but I always imagined a benevolent, indulgent, super loving knight in shining armor. In my mind’s eye, I imagined a husband who would smile and mouth inanities while we swirled around dancing ballroom style smiling like love stricken teens at the drop of a hat. Alas, the dream ends very quickly when reality strikes. Real life never plays out like movies. You soon understand that those movie stars are after all being paid for their shenanigans. And novels are written by authors who are fantasizing.

In reality, it is enough if your husband still recognizes your face after all the years of living together while still wondering if it is safe enough to tell you that you have gained weight or that the food you just made tastes awful. You no longer hold hands unless you are crossing a street. The spontaneous hugs and insatiable appetite for each other starts waning while the daily squabbles grow alarmingly. Sometimes to be left alone with a favorite book, in silence is all you crave now.

So what is the whole hullabaloo about love? Is it for real? Of course it is, if your expectations are real to begin with. Love is not a stagnant pond but a flowing river, sometimes placid and calm and at other times tumultuous and raging! Love can be deeply fulfilling yet equally hurtful as well. If you don’t understand that, you can be in for crazy shock and disappointment!

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It is the companionship that makes love so worthwhile. You can share your deepest, darkest secrets with this one person. And he who seems so disinterested at other times is somehow all attention. He will laugh at your silly jokes and hear you repeat that anecdote yet another time with a smile on his face.  And then there are those absolutely precious moments when he does something he does not like only because it matters to you. It is this friendship, camaraderie, trust and respect that make the house a home, your nest, and he is the one who makes it so special to live in. Love matures and evolves just like wine or well brewed coffee. It tastes better and more rounded with time. Romance for me is in the tiny details like reading thoughts without having to reveal them, of letting another sleep a little longer on weekends and bringing coffee to bed, and of  a random murmur of “I love you” for no reason!

Love is loving another without makeup, through their worst moods and with their naked beliefs and opinions!

 

Love is all about manifestation – little gestures, thoughts and deeds. Love is not getting a good sleep if his arms are not around you and turning to him instinctively for a hug when you wake up from a nightmare! Love is not overrated. It is just hyped too much.

Celebrate it every day because it is a blessing; cement it with genuine care and concern and water it with passion.

Do not try to conform to someone else’s idea of love. Discover your own love story!

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You don’t love someone because they are perfect; you love them in spite of the fact that they are not! – Jodi Picoult

Your love is perfect because despite opportunities and temptations, you always go back to him/her not because he/she is the most good looking, the most intelligent, the wittiest, the most moneyed or the most compassionate but because together the two of you make perfect symphony in the music of life!

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Coming to celebration of love, I am all for it – during birthdays, Anniversaries and any other days. Our first Day of Love came about in rather unfortunate circumstances just 4 months after my marriage when I suddenly lost my mother. It was a huge shock and the first major grief that life challenged a young couple with. Every gesture, every emotion, empathy and all his love helped me gather myself, cope and stay afloat. Yes, living through the tragedy with his gentle sensitivity, patience and compassion bonded us tight as we lived the adage, “Through thick and thin…”. It told me that we can weather storms together and emerge stronger. That love was much more than chocolates, roses, wine and laughter. Love was oxygen!

Since then whenever we have been through a crisis – loss of parents, an accident of my toddler son, an almost loss of both my children in a scary situation, and just about whenever life has thrown a spanner in our works — we’ve handled them with dignity, strength, mutual support and love. And, we do not forget to feel grateful for what we have as well as we celebrate every precious moment.

I pray for our love to stay strong and blessed forever even as I feel the next quarrel brewing :)!

Pics courtesy: Freedigitalphotos.net except the last pic which is mine and cannot be used in anyway by anyone.

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109 Thoughts on “Love, Actually!

  1. Bhavana Shankar Rao on November 12, 2013 at 11:20 pm said:

    Very true. Next march it will 9 years of our life together (in fact 10 years after we got to know each other). I am still falling in love with him each and every day and it is not without arguments and fights in between. But as you say it is part and parcel of married life. During Ugadi festival (new year) and after prayers, my parents used to give neem leaf with jaggary together. I always believed in life which had combination of both sweetness and bitterness 🙂
    Nicely written.
    PS: I love that photo. Both of you look so nice..

    • Glad to know that the two of you share such a beautiful relationship. Indeed, I enjoy that Ugadi ritual here — so symbolic of real life. Thanks for connecting with the post and reading as always!
      Rachna recently posted…Love, Actually!My Profile

  2. such a love filled post, my girl. You have said it all. I am sucker for romantic things…yet I know that happens only in movies and novels. good luck for the contest.
    latha recently posted…Learned to let it go…My Profile

    • We all are a sucker for this. And it is fun once in a while to indulge in those too as long as we know that larger things in life are a reflection of love not how many gifts he buys for you :). Thanks!
      Rachna recently posted…Love, Actually!My Profile

  3. Lovely post Rachna… Hope everyday continues to be a Platinum day of love for you both. Good luck for the contest

  4. Such a lovely post, Rachna! Amen to the last line!!
    And good luck for the contest too 🙂
    Shilpa Garg recently posted…I Don’t Understand ThisMy Profile

  5. Hey There!
    I just loved this post… Very honestly written with ground realities not exaggerating anywhere… Yes this is love and not the ones shown in lovey dovey movies or in novels…..I Loved the entire para where u end with “Perfect Symphony in the Music of Life!”

    Good one!
    Deepsi recently posted…Book Review- Tantra by AdiMy Profile

    • Thank you, Deepsi! Welcome to my space. So glad that you could connect with the sentiments here. I have a huge problem with the unnatural expectations we attach with love and then sulk when they do not come true. If only our fairy tales would convey differently. Thanks again for your warm words!
      Rachna recently posted…Love, Actually!My Profile

  6. Our title for the contest match 🙂
    So do our concept of love. I agree 100% with all you’ve said and said so beautifully. ‘Love is not overrated’ – so true!
    All the best for the contest. And lots of love!
    Nisha recently posted…Love, ActuallyMy Profile

  7. Very thoughtful post. The definition of love differs for all. We must invent ours and talk of it. All the best for the contest.
    Diwakar Narayan recently posted…The Storm in my Mind… by Ayaan Basu – Book ReviewMy Profile

  8. Such a lovely post filled with so much love (pun unintended). Glad that you found your definition of love, ATB for the contest.
    Jairam Mohan recently posted…Clash of the moronsMy Profile

  9. Wonderful post. Stay blessed always.

  10. Very nice. I am sure you will Win this one – it is at the same time from the heart and nicely structured.
    The Fool recently posted…Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy SeriesMy Profile

    • Thanks so much, Karthik! The fact that you found the post balanced and worthy of winning means a lot to me. This is the way I’ve always felt about love and relationships. Thanks for reading as always!
      Rachna recently posted…Love, Actually!My Profile

  11. May you celebrate every precious moment together. Truly, made for each other.

  12. I love this post, Rachna! For someone who is having a not-so-good-time with parents going crazy about getting me married, this is sound advice. We all need a companion but we shouldn’t have unrealistic expectations. It is all about accepting the other person as they are and putting in your best into the relationship. Did I get it right? 🙂

    I am sure you will win this contest. Something tells me so. And even if you don’t, this post is a winner!
    Destiny’s child recently posted…Thanks for the compliment!My Profile

  13. Oh, and stay blessed, all of you, forever. 🙂
    Destiny’s child recently posted…Thanks for the compliment!My Profile

    • You have been reading me long enough to understand what I haven’t said too :). I am so glad that you connected with the post, and thanks so much for the thumbs up! Thanks for your wishes too! Makes me feel so blessed!
      Rachna recently posted…Love, Actually!My Profile

  14. Such an heartwarming post. When we build dreams around fairy tales and picture perfect dates, love is all about the small things we do for each one.

    And a very cute picture of you both. God bless you with more happiness every day 🙂

  15. Love is many a splendored thing and there is no real definition for the word:) Best of luck for the contest, Rachna!
    Rahul recently posted…Will Love ForeverMy Profile

  16. Lovely post Rachna! We all have dreamt of M&B like romances havent we 🙂 All the best for the contest!

  17. very nice post. best wishes for a strong and struggle free lovely life 😀
    Amar Naik recently posted…Love Unites After a DecadeMy Profile

  18. loved it…pls read my post too…
    Aditi Soni recently posted…Platinum Day of Love- AnkaheeMy Profile

  19. Very true. Love lasts through thick and thin. Best wishes for your life and the contest 🙂

  20. And you have done it again! Standing out in the crowd, this voice of sanity. Rooted! So real, and so true, Rachna. Beautiful post. 🙂

    • And you always do it for me, Sakshi! Your comments are always so warm and encouraging that they brighten the dullest of my days! I am so glad you connected with the post, but then knowing you I knew you would :). Thanks for reading, as always!
      Rachna recently posted…Love, Actually!My Profile

  21. This is such a wonderful, such a beautifully written post Rachna. I so agree with the part where you say Love is real when your expectations are real. And its always when you are going through a tough patch that you realize how true the love really is. And such a lovely pic of both of you. !
    Ruch recently posted…A New Home for Old Friends !My Profile

    • Thanks, Ruchira! I just loved the fact that different people chose different quotes that they could relate to. As you rightly pointed out, it is the rough patches in our life that show us the true mettle of our relationships. Thanks for reading as always!
      Rachna recently posted…Love, Actually!My Profile

  22. Love is precious, be blessed with it forever 🙂 All the best for the contest.
    Jas recently posted…To the Rising SonMy Profile

  23. This was such a tempered balance between the reality and the idea of love. And replete with quotable quotes, too!
    Rickie recently posted…The First Diwali – The Untold Backstory Of What Transpired When Lord Rama Returned HomeMy Profile

    • Thanks, Rickie, for finding the post balanced. Gurdev is calling me Love Guru since he read the post. Luckily that quarrel that was brewing got immersed in the fountain of love that I unleashed ;-)! Those quotes are all mine, fashioned from experience! Thanks for reading, as always! *crosses 1 out of 20* 🙂
      Rachna recently posted…Love, Actually!My Profile

  24. This one is surely different… and quite clinical in approach. NIce post.

    Arvind Passey
    http://www.passey.info

    I have written two posts on this topic. Your comments on my posts will be appreciated…
    The bike ride to Dehradun: http://passey.info/2013/11/the-bike-ride-to-dehradun/
    The Platina Mystery: http://passey.info/2013/11/the-platina-mystery/
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  25. I vacillate from ‘why I got married’ to how can I manage without him maybe ten times a day and sometimes within minutes 🙂 But yes love is over hyped in our movies as well as books. What I look for as you rightly said companionship. We may fight and bicker but let anyone come and try to tip the balance. That person will be gone. 😛

  26. Beautiful testament to togetherness, dear Rachna. I’m enjoying reading all these posts on love and togetherness. Wishing you luck for the contest.

    Joy always,
    Susan

  27. Beautiful! How wonderfully you have described love, the essence of it all!

    Wonderful Rachna… Wish you both many more years of love and togetherness…
    Nabanita recently posted…Ouvrir Ô! Tempest Of LoveMy Profile

  28. Such down- to- earth sensible advice Rachna. I loved this one. May your love be as resilient and pure are platinum.

    xoxo

  29. Beautiful post.

    I can not say how many times I have wished for the single, carefree days and the peace and quiet in the house. But, when I take a deep breath and look, I do not think I would have wanted in any other way if this is the only way I could have my husband in my life. It seems worth the teeth clenching arguments then…
    Aathira recently posted…Sad but true…My Profile

  30. this one piece is just near to reality among all the posts I read . Yes Through thick and thin is the most important part
    God bless u both and all the best for the contest !
    Enjoyed reading this specially when u said its not overrated its too hyped 🙂

  31. Quarrels make love grow stronger 🙂 If there are no quarrels that normally means that the couple are still being diplomatic with each other – which means there is still a lack of oneness in them 🙂 Thus spake the bachelor 🙂
    chsuresh63 recently posted…Praise MeMy Profile

    • That is one interesting way of looking at it. However, too many quarrels can make the relationship very bitter as well. And the bachelor can speak in matters of relationships I am sure :). Thanks for reading, Suresh!

  32. The best part of what you have written is about having realistic expectations of love and about discovering your own story and not someone else’s story of love. I guess the day people realize that they aren’t perfectionists but accepting the imperfections is what would make them a perfect couple 🙂

    • Thank you, Ashwini! I think love is bashed so much because the expectations are utterly unrealistic to begin with. Thank you for connecting with the post and reading!

  33. Such a beautiful and heartfelt post Rachna. Loved some of the lines like ‘Discover your own definition of love’ 😀 Wishing you many more wonderful years in symphony 😀
    jaishvats recently posted…Scenes unfolded – 100 words on SaturdayMy Profile

  34. You said it, Rachna! Love is in the tiny day-to-day happenings. Beautiful post! 🙂

  35. amazingly written … good one Rachna
    sangeetha menon recently posted…Ayurveda – New Section in Bumps n BabyMy Profile

  36. A very beautifully written post. I have the phases of Why did I get married, but then one look at all the Boys and I know I could have never asked for anything better in my life!
    Pratibha recently posted…Natural organic baby skin productsMy Profile

  37. Rachna I wonder if its serendipity or some weird sign from universe. I was having a similar conversation with two of my friends over phone. And surprisingly the narrative went exactly as you have written. I believe all great humble, awesome, out of the world intelligent, amazing women think on similar lines 😀

    On a serious note, the stories of all ‘loves’ goes a similar way but most of us forget to appreciate it for what it is…
    subzeroricha recently posted…Babe In the AirMy Profile

    • haha Richa! I agree with you about the awesome women bit :). Exactly right, Richa! The stories don’t have to be spectacular but the relationship can still be.

  38. That was such a beautiful post Rachna! You’re so right about love being in perfect sync with each other through and despite your imperfections!

    Here’s to you and yours 🙂

  39. Despite the ugly arguments, those days when you felt like banging your head against the wall in frustration, wishing for some space, it’s him you look forward to every evening. Because no one understands you like he does. He’s your best friend, the one who’ll love you, no matter what.

    All the best for the contest, Rachna.

  40. So cute all hearts picture! I fell for that first and then obviously for your story! Very well written! Best wishes for the contest!
    sindhoooo recently posted…Wild Beauty: Vernonia cinereaMy Profile

  41. Lovely post Rachna.
    The movies and romantic books do leave us with all the wrong kind of impressions. 🙂 Some people live with those impressions for their whole life. The reality is quite different, more beautiful and more fulfilling.
    Best of luck for the contest. 🙂
    Amit recently posted…Boiling Water – IIMy Profile

  42. Muses of the Heart on November 21, 2013 at 12:09 pm said:

    After reading your post the one word that struck my mind was “Wow”. Its really inspiring 🙂 Loved every bit of it!

  43. Thank you, Muses of the Heart! That compliment really made my day. I am so happy you related with the post!
    Rachna recently posted…Letting go!My Profile

  44. Hello ma’m,
    You really define “LOVE” in a very well manner. I totally agree with your each & every line. Now a days, i am trying to write blogs and beleive me, this blog is so much inspiring, especially your writing skills are awesome.

    Definitely, from our childhood, what we see/ read in movies, serials & novels for love, we assume that as a kind of reality but truth has different face.

    Awesome work. Well done.

    Cheers
    Nidhi
    Nidhi Agrawal recently posted…There is something definitely in India still……….My Profile

  45. Aww! What a cute post to celebrate the relationship! Yes, love truly is not overrated; it’s just misrepresented in all those ROM-COMs and M&B books!
    Roshni recently posted…Our Diwali tradition continues!My Profile

  46. A realistic and honest account of love… could relate to every word you’ve written! Spoke my mind 🙂
    Venice recently posted…Platinum Heart-beats of LoveMy Profile

  47. Congratulations on the win Rachna ji 🙂 Loved your post !!

  48. aayeshahakim on January 8, 2014 at 11:40 am said:

    Lovely entry 🙂 Straight from the heart 🙂
    Congrats for the win!

  49. Hey, such a lovely post. I had missed reading this one but glad that I read it now… You know in a way, there is so much advise in it but without meaning to do so. I am going to share it with my special someone 🙂
    Poornima recently posted…A Birthday Party – Theme: Mickey, Minnie and FriendsMy Profile

    • I agree, Poornima. The post is filled with wisdom I have accumulated over the years. Thanks so much for reading and for sharing with your special one :).

  50. Just read this and I must say, disillusioning the age old idea/fantasies of love this way reads so right and real 🙂 Well deserved win, Rachna! Congratulations!
    Deepa recently posted…Mumbai Madness – Slow Down!My Profile

  51. So true…after some years of togetherness, we do crave for that “me” time…then some instances make us realize the beauty of this togetherness…congratulations!

  52. beautiful thoughts on marriage and relationship… congratz on the win 🙂

  53. Lovely post! Liked your candid picture! So bright…:)

  54. Hearty Congrats on the win!
    Manjula recently posted…Is Happiness Elusive …or we just fail to find it!My Profile

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