I always tell my elder boy how important it is to lose with dignity in any sport, how humility is a really appealing quality to possess. When he was younger, it was a bit difficult for him to understand. I mean everyone feels bad when he/she loses, so what is the big deal in showing it? I explained to him that people who don’t let either success or failure go to their heads are the eventual winners. He has come a long way from the days when every trivial game was a matter of sore disappointment and life and death. These days I find him handling his losses quite decently.
And, yesterday he had the opportunity of witnessing exactly what I have been telling him. There was this older lady in a game of chess with another lady. As I was in the final which I later won, I went to watch this semi-final match right towards the end, and he came along always curious. He won the first prize in Chess in his age group. Now this older lady was in a messy situation and about to lose. She was doggedly fighting (nothing wrong with that) in a lost cause. She was turning the rules on its heads, making moves and changing them continuously and taking ages for each move. The other lady being very patient was bearing it silently. Finally, when this lady lost, she started arguing with the organizers that she wanted to play another game, that it was unfair, who had decided upon the format etc. As a parting shot, she even commented that she had won the first prize in another event. All this for a puny Competition that is more for fun than anything else.
My son was quite shocked with this behavior. He commented on her being a sore loser. I asked him if he learned anything from this episode, and he said he actually could see how undesirable and ugly this kind of behavior is. What was more surprising was the age of the person. He felt that older people are normally benign and balanced! Well, sometimes real incidents teach much more than morals.
That should be one incident very fun to watch..Some people take wins and loses (in games) to heads..They dont think about the dignity of participating
A game… is well a game.. not to be taken too seriously 🙂
As we grow, we unlearn important lessons; as the ego shields us. That was a good example. I am glad you shared it.
🙂 This lesson he will never ever forget
A wonderful learning for the kid!! He will never forget it now!!
@Tomz It actually was quite hilarious and pathetic at the same time. A middle-aged aunty behaving worse than a kid.
@Emmy Absolutely :).
@Insignia So true! I mean kids do this all the time, but an adult behaving this way was quite horrible.
@bbsearchingself I hope so :).
@Shilpa Seeing teaches things in a much better way is all I’d say.
The real world connected with his upbringing, awesome!
You teaching right.. One shud lose in dignity always .. moreover I dont think there is that much shame in losing .. As if we look logically ..
we lose more then we ever win.. in a race Only One winner rest lose ..
Thank you for sharing …
Bikram’s
A really nice post. It was good that your son could see for himself, and also understand, what you had taught him.
That is one lesson he will never forget all his life. I really appreciate your teaching the kid the right way to take wins and losses. It is so important that these things are taught early.
@Bart Indeed, the real world offers so many examples of what we try to teach through stories or lessons.
@Bikramjit You are absolutely right. Logically, of course, we lose much more than we win. Yet, we are ill equipped to handle even the tiniest losses and behave like cry babies.
@rama Thank you, Rama. I am also happy that he got a practical lesson.
@cybernag.in Thanks a lot! Your appreciation means a lot to me, as it comes from someone who has seen much more of life and is very balanced. I know, these days we just forget to teach our kids how to accept a “No,” how to face defeat gracefully and how to come up when faced with hardship. Especially more important from the parenting point of view because they lead privileged lives.
One point comes out clear.
It is the parents who are the real guiding spirits to the childre.
congrats on winning!
we always expect this much from old people at least..dignity in any situation.
@BKChowla Yes to a large extent, parents and the environment and peers contribute immensely too.
@Renu Exactly! That is the least we would expect from older people.
Rachna, Congratulations on the wins. And yeah we learn with what we see. Practical teaching is the best of the sort. These kinds of losers are losers in life where ever they are I guess.
Rachna, Congratulations on the wins. And yeah we learn with what we see. Practical teaching is the best of the sort. These kinds of losers are losers in life where ever they are I guess.
Rachna, Congratulations on the wins. And yeah we learn with what we see. Practical teaching is the best of the sort. These kinds of losers are losers in life where ever they are I guess.
Rachna, Congratulations on the wins. And yeah we learn with what we see. Practical teaching is the best of the sort. These kinds of losers are losers in life where ever they are I guess.
Rachna, Congratulations on the wins. And yeah we learn with what we see. Practical teaching is the best of the sort. These kinds of losers are losers in life where ever they are I guess.
Rachna, Congratulations on the wins. And yeah we learn with what we see. Practical teaching is the best of the sort. These kinds of losers are losers in life where ever they are I guess.
Rachna, Congratulations on the wins. And yeah we learn with what we see. Practical teaching is the best of the sort. These kinds of losers are losers in life where ever they are I guess.
Rachna, Congratulations on the wins. And yeah we learn with what we see. Practical teaching is the best of the sort. These kinds of losers are losers in life where ever they are I guess.
Congratulations on his win :)Thanks to your good teaching that he identified and distinguished between right and wrong .Glad that you shared .
@Ashwini And yet such few actually understand that. Isn’t it strange? BTW, love your new profile pic.
@kavita thanks! I think each parent tries to teach something good to their kid without fail.
Aww!!! thanks for stopping by my blog! hope you’ll become a follower. I am def. going to follow you
@linhy Thanks! Of course, I will.
Great post Rachna! I also liked Bikram’s comments. Second that!
So, how is the little feller doing these days?
this is a life lesson he will never forget. truly life teaches us a lot more than books/preachings do
its sad that the elderly lady behaved so
@NRIGirl Thanks :). The little fellow is doing just great.
@sujatha You are so right. I realized that as well.
Rachna, right values go a long way, and felt good to read this post! One should learn to stay like a spring which can bounce back to shape after compression!
Value education with example, the best way to teach. And congrats to both mom and son on wins.
this was a lesson for us too…
Thank you Rahul. Sometimes the easiest lessons in life are the most difficult to learn.
@The Holy Lama Thanks a lot! Indeed that was helpful.
@Jon Sometimes seeing ourselves from others’ viewpoint helps us to improve ourself.
every thing teach us something..
we just need to find out..
real incidents teach much more than morals…yes thas d ultimate truth yar…
very true!
no pain no gain ..worship the game!
…it good to teach kids with examples at right age!
winning skills can be implanted …But when we loose it should be taken supportively!
Sometimes older people behave like kids…and viceversa
One of the reasons why I am so paranoid about young kids participating in contests. For most of them it is about winning rather than just participating and learning. And parents with unrealistic expectations don’t make things any better.
I am glad that you have inculcated the right spirit in your son.
It is such an important thing to teach to your child….it comes in handy throughout life.
This is the age to inculcate values, once they cross 16 its difficult to get through boys.
Some boys are such sore loosers.
@sumukh Welcome to my blog. You are absolutely right. Every experience teaches us something.
@Harman Very aptly put.
@ashok welcome to my space. Absolutely, I have seen that too.
@Purba I agree with you. Sometimes, I have seen parents go downright ballistic if they see their child lose and also publicly reprimand them. It is not as if this is the Olympics. And even if they were, parents are meant to support and encourage. Perhaps, they are trying to do through their kids what they could not achieve, and thus end up messing up their children’s lives.
@alka You are right Alka. I feel at this age, my son has the intelligence to understand and even logically debate values and moral issues. This is the right time to mould him.
A good lesson.
Grace and dignity does not come easily to those who strive to win even before the game has begun. The real winner is not the one who gets to carry the trophy home, but the one who plays the game to it’s best.
Cheers…
Nice story! I’ll quote a line from ‘Sex and the city’ – “Sit, watch, learn…” Sometimes it’s as simple as that 🙂
@PN subramaniam Welcome to my space.
@Arnab Well said! Welcome here.
@IGBG True :). With kids, we need to keep reinforcing the morals with stories and loads of talk too ;-).