This post was published in DNA newspaper on 2nd April 2011. Here is the link:A young grandmother and her two granddaughters
This 20-year-old girl became the mother of her 2nd daughter yesterday. Just studied till primary school, she was married off at 17 as is the norm in her family. Though her family lives in Bangalore, they belong to a village in Gulbarga. Her mother is a grand mom, and she is just about my age, in her late 30s! Though, she is not sure exactly how old she is. She is one among many daughters and one son in her family, and who remembers the birth dates of daughters? This young lady is my maid’s daughter. I have seen her family life unfold from close quarters. Her mother has been working in my house since 5 years. She is an extremely honest, loving and hardworking lady. She just adores her daughter and her grand kid (now 2).
She told me how she had to take a lot of money on loan to get her daughter married off. Every time her daughter was pregnant, she was sent home for her delivery. All the expenses were borne by this lady, and that meant more loans. She loves her daughter deeply and tries to send gifts to her daughter and her in-laws family every time some one goes to her village. I used to tell her that she must not do that, but she says that I don’t understand because this is a social custom she is expected to follow. I was encouraging her daughter not to have more than 2 kids, as it would be difficult to bring them up. She was keen, but she said her mother-in-law will not allow her to take the decision till she had a boy. Sadly for her, she had one more daughter yesterday. And, who am I to tell her? I have two sons, and my social and economic situation is drastically different from her own.
I remember explaining to my maid’s daughter how it is important to educate a girl or a boy. But, in her village, she says there is no decent school. Her husband stays someplace else where he is employed though he is a good man she says. And she lives with her in-laws. She does tough work in the farmland. She was planning on leaving her 2-year-old daughter with her own mother so that at least she could get educated in Bangalore. My words of advise sounded so empty to her because what do I know of her deprivations and her social compulsions. In this situation, can we hold it against her for not wanting to have a girl child though she loves her daughter dearly. I can only imagine the pointed fingers of accusation she will face now for giving birth to yet another girl. My maid is struggling to educate her youngest son at my behest. I am also helping her in every way possible to ensure that at least one person in the family can hold a job tomorrow and lift the status of the entire family.
Can we imagine the plight of and help these people who are struggling to have a decent existence on a daily basis? As Karnataka falls down in growth and development parameters, water scarcity and drought hits us; there is maladministration all around, police, judiciary and media spar with each other, and politicians do not bother about any of this, it is this section of society that is crying out for some respite from the rising prices, from the high cost of living and from a dreary existence? Can social change come about without economic prosperity and education? How will economic prosperity for all be achieved with this kind of corruption and lack of governance? What should we the concerned citizens do that can bring about a real change?
I want each one of us to consider these questions, as we celebrate Ugadi (New Year) today.
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I dont have the answer those questions.. because everything is so jubled up and in chaos .. its becoming harder and harder to know where to start WHat to do …
I think the first option is to get rid of the politicians nad leaders .. and then one can think of doing something, for no matter what we do how we start where we start , the leaders or the authorities will never let any good thing work for they see it as something against them..
I smile and think what use are these dharnas, rally’s that people do on this issue that issue , they dont make a blind bit of difference…
People are making an effort to help but all efforts are divided in small groups if all unite thats when the change will come .. the biggest problem we have is this divide the poor and rich that has to be plugged till that happens nothing that we do will make any difference …
Bikram’s
We all want to get rid of politicians. But, who will govern and how? Look how horribly haywired Anna’s movement went. When there are loads of people, their egos come in the way. And, who knows once they get power, they might be corruptible too. Yes, dharnas just give us the satisfaction that we are doing something. Generate awareness — perhaps. But actionwise I agree, I am not sure if they have any effect. Uniting groups is another problem. We all want to do something. The intention is there, but no one knows how to go about it.
Rachna i can completely understand what you are saying. I have been to Gulbarga, Raichur and other parts of Northern Karnataka. Absolutely poorly developed places. People see Bangalore and think the state is very well developed! There are millions of girls like your maid’s daughter- it causes us so much of despair!
Yes Meera. I am sure you must be much more aware than me, as I’ve not been firsthand to these smaller towns. Even in Bangalore, there is a huge power and water problem. And everyone milks Bangalore and leaves her bruised in the bargain.
True…just not Karnataka alone..there is this sect of troubled,uneducated mass of people in all of our states. I don’t think there’s much you can do than what you are doing right now. Brainwashing the mother n daughter at every chacne you get may change their mind set to some extent and I believe you are already doing that..until the head woman of each family is educated, the whole system is never going to change..
I am not trying to be negative here, it’s just the way it is..
Yes, I understand and agree with what you are saying. I am trying to tell her the same. Get her educated at least 10th standard and then something vocational. Then her daughter can at least earn her living and make her life better. I hope that I can help her both financially and motivate her enough to do it.
One of my help working at my clinic shares a very similar story .She is from Andhra and is trying her best to arrange money for her 19 yrs old daughter’s marriage.The boy’s family have a demand of Rs 300,000 because he got a permanent govt job.
And, this saddens us so much. I was telling her that you do not need to pay money to get your daughter married off. But she says, no one will marry her daughter then. That is why I was explaining that she needed to educate her. But, in this situation, what can she do?
we can’t blame it on one particularly, it’s a complicated problem. it involves customs, illiteracy,superstitions, exploitation etc. it’s just like getting trapped in a vicious circle. But we can find solution for this, educating them, providing moral support and helping them to our extent.
though most of the times it may not get success at beginning but we can extend our hands for the right cause.
Thank you Vinayaka for your visit and your views. I agree with you. I am thinking along the same lines. Education will be the key to uplift their status. I will try to help her in achieving it for her daughter.
A sad state of affairs where illiteracy and strong superstitious beliefs play a havoc!
Yes, very sad.
In my opinion we can help one such family by means of education needs; then they should be encouraged to help another; thus setting off a chain reaction.
We can’t help all but one is a good number to begin with, what say?
I agree. I hope that with her son’s education, my maid’s lot will be better. And hopefully, I can encourage her daughter to educate her daughters that can make their lot better. Hopefully, slowly more people will be motivated.
This is so so sad. When are we going to break this cycle. Sigh.
Incredibly sad!
There is no easy solution to this problem. It is really sad and frustrating.
I know the problem is complex.
I honestly have no answer for your questions, but the truth is, such things happen in every corner of the states in India! I wish there’s something as free education for kids until 10th std or so. Govt should take some measures to provide vocational qualifications to young people from these villages. There is always a great scope for improvement.
Free education is there in government schools but the quality is suspect in terms of getting them decent employment opportunities. Vocational training after 10th std could at least provide some sort of options for them. Education can help in my opinion.
No better…TN too fares the same when it comes to women and their well being. Politicians always look around scopes for development in capital cities. But what happen to tier two cities and villages is of no one’s concern…
That is a valid point. But poor people across the board are living in misery.
population is such a big problem..corrective actions one should start implementing in one’s own family..proper awareness and education are the most essential things needed for that
Yes, it must begin from one’s own family, but these people need help. They are poor and illiterate and much more burdened by social mores than us.
I wish I had some answers,butI dont have any.
This only goes to confirm,we live in India and Bharat seperatly.
True Sir.
I actually enjoyed reading through this posting.Many thanks.
List of Colleges in Karnataka
Thank you for your visit and comment.
This in a nation where lacs of crores are being gobbled like gol-gappas The dung of poverty-analysis, being smeared on the face of the nation by the Planning Commission, aquires a sombre hue, adding insult to the injury, in the light of incidents such as those you mention.
Welcome to my blog, umashankar. Exactly, I feel that it is some sort of a cruel joke that all parties talk about the aam aadmi and profess themselves to be benefactors of them. But these people are just left to their own fates while funds are siphoned off or unutilized and then shoddy coverups like the one by PC are executed.
This one touched me so deeply Rachna. The women you and I are talking of are the ones who need to be lifted from the morass they are sunk in. They need every encouragement and push to get them out of it and every little bit helps. We seriously need welfare economy to overcome this gap between our children and our maids’ children. For how much can an individual do? But we continue doing what we can.
I agree with Bikram about politicians trying to stop anyone from doing something because they feel threatened. Anna movement was a victim of these conniving politicians too. It is so easy to trash something and someone in our country.
Thank you, Zephyr. I feel similarly. We have to help these women and their families to come out of the deep despair that their daily lives have become. I continue helping in my way, but how many people can I honestly reach out too? We need more dignity for them and especially education. The state of government schools is so bad. We have one close to our house where my maid’s son studied till 7th. The teaching was quite bad and below par because now he is in a missionary private school. God bless them for assimilating him and offering him almost a full waiver on the fees with help to cope with the standard which suddenly seems higher.
The politicians are experts at smear campaigns. Common people like you, me and Anna are no match to them. Sadly, they manage to stifle every good initiative.
its very sad ..wish could do something..the rituals ,culture and illiteracy makes it worse..
all I can say to this young lady ..is not to have more kids and try to work frm home some sewing work or something at home to earn and educate the kids!
Our maid in india had (9) children …. now We whole family helped her to get them married and jobs for boys … it was pathetic state ..I had been sending money as and when to help maid since she was so loving and helping us all the time…
education is must and it should be free upto 12 grade like US to educate everyone!
You are doing good. I wish that each of us could help one family to make a beginning. Yes, it would be desirable to offer free education for the poor, but seeing the implementation I am not so certain that the funds will be optimally utilized.
Most of them are married to men, who feed off their wife’s earnings and beat her when they get bored. It makes me angry just imagining the plight of these women.
And we should never stop stressing, it’s education that can provide a better future to their children.
Yes that’s true. My maid’s husband was an alcoholic who used to beat her. Apparently, he has mended his ways now like that is a big consolation. I agree that education is the key for them, and we must try to at least help one child gain education.
Sad state of affairs!! And it’s a vicious cycle, today her mother is doing for her, tomorrow, she will be doing the same for her girls and like wise… more debts, more burden, never ending misery!
I agree Shilpa. Change can only come about if her daughter succeeds in getting minimum education and some vocational training to pursue some career of her own.
I was very sad after reading this post. It is a very sad plight for her and many more such poor souls. It is really wonderful you are doing your bit to help the family in every way you could. And you have put so many important questions for which we are still scrambling for answers. I totally agree with you that their upliftment should be happening more institutionally, at least the education. A very important and thought provoking post
Welcome to my blog, Raj. Thank you for your kind words. I hope each one of us does a little bit to help poor people like her especially to help educate their kids.
Recently I posted a Photo fiction in my blog which revolved around some similar family. I still dont get the point who is responsible for such a disaster in the state. As an initiative can we atleast provide basic informal education to our maids if not the formal class going, score oriented competitive school/Education market.I think that makes some sense.An eye opening post Rachna.
Thank you Sujatha. I feel so terrible about how Karnataka has slid in these social parameters. I guess the situation is bad all across the country.
Recently I posted a Photo fiction in my blog which revolved around some similar family. I still dont get the point who is responsible for such a disaster in the state. As an initiative can we atleast provide basic informal education to our maids if not the formal class going, score oriented competitive school/Education market.I think that makes some sense.An eye opening post Rachna.
Recently I posted a Photo fiction in my blog which revolved around some similar family. I still dont get the point who is responsible for such a disaster in the state. As an initiative can we atleast provide basic informal education to our maids if not the formal class going, score oriented competitive school/Education market.I think that makes some sense.An eye opening post Rachna.
Recently I posted a Photo fiction in my blog which revolved around some similar family. I still dont get the point who is responsible for such a disaster in the state. As an initiative can we atleast provide basic informal education to our maids if not the formal class going, score oriented competitive school/Education market.I think that makes some sense.An eye opening post Rachna.
Recently I posted a Photo fiction in my blog which revolved around some similar family. I still dont get the point who is responsible for such a disaster in the state. As an initiative can we atleast provide basic informal education to our maids if not the formal class going, score oriented competitive school/Education market.I think that makes some sense.An eye opening post Rachna.
Recently I posted a Photo fiction in my blog which revolved around some similar family. I still dont get the point who is responsible for such a disaster in the state. As an initiative can we atleast provide basic informal education to our maids if not the formal class going, score oriented competitive school/Education market.I think that makes some sense.An eye opening post Rachna.
Recently I posted a Photo fiction in my blog which revolved around some similar family. I still dont get the point who is responsible for such a disaster in the state. As an initiative can we atleast provide basic informal education to our maids if not the formal class going, score oriented competitive school/Education market.I think that makes some sense.An eye opening post Rachna.
Recently I posted a Photo fiction in my blog which revolved around some similar family. I still dont get the point who is responsible for such a disaster in the state. As an initiative can we atleast provide basic informal education to our maids if not the formal class going, score oriented competitive school/Education market.I think that makes some sense.An eye opening post Rachna.
Don’t know how to react for this post but i wish every parents should have awarness and know the importance of women education and let them study and get a degree…
Yes and they need financial support for that because they are already so poor. A welfare state could offer them that.
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You are absolutely right about Education being the only way out. Girls in particular. It’s a sad state of affairs. Everyone needs to pitch in to help educate as many as possible. Being literate itself is a challenge in many remote places in India. Being educated is a distant dream. But then, every drop will add up into an ocean. While I was in Kerala for a few months during the academic year beginning last year, there was this ad on radio. It was about wrapping up a spare book, scale, pencil, pen and other stationary and dropping them at a certain newspaper office, which will then be collected and given to children who can’t afford them. I don’t know what the outcome was, but the initiative has to be appreciated.
I agree with you Jyothi! Instead of being cynical, let us try in our small way with small initiatives to enable education of poor kids.