Parenting is a befuddling, bittersweet journey. When you start out, you are the sole providers, care givers and opinion makers in your children’s lives till they watch cartoons and have friends that is. Then they grow older, acquire a vocabulary and interests. You also get some sanity in your routine as you leave diaper changing and continuous feeding behind. Life looks rosier. But, wait, It is time to adjust to not being the decision maker in your kids’ lives. They now have a mind of their own and how. Google gives them teeth to dispute every fact you can think of. They have a million influences and your grip on them loosens further. All parents grapple with letting go little by little. The grip on their hands loosen till one day they fly the nest. But the hold on their hearts and minds are forever yours. I still sometimes hear my parents’ voices in my head. Such is the beauty of upbringing. And, you know what, you realize that while you have moulded their lives and thoughts, their influence has been no less on yours.
Being a parent has been among the most rewarding relationships in my life. Actually, I think I underwent the maximum change as a person when I became a parent. Overnight, I became a worrier for life. Seeing a living, breathing life emerging from me was one of the biggest marvels of nature that I had the privilege of experiencing. There are times when I look at them with such intense pride and joy! They are mine. I have created them. How big is that! But bigger was the responsibility that parenting brings with it. Every second of every day, you try to do your best.
I am a damn good mother even if I say so myself. I have taken things from my own parents who were extremely liberal, trusting and hands off in their own approach at parenting me. But they were more detached. I am more involved, better read yet democratic in my parenting. I am their friend when I need to be, which is quite often, yet when it comes time to crack that whip I won’t hesitate. I am their parent first and foremost. Any discipline in their habits, approach and behavior is imbibed by watching their parents and being made to do things in a certain manner.
Within this larger framework of order, they have a lot of freedom for chaos.
Here are the lessons I learned from them:
It all begins with empathy
Just yesterday, my son was telling me about a project in which he scored pretty low marks. I was fine. I said all I wanted especially in this subject was that he learned it as best as he could. His marks were not of concern to me. He knows that too. He said he was so relieved, whereas the other boys were already nervous as to how they would face their parents.
The look of joy on his face made me feel good about myself, about him and about how we go about doing things in our home.
The son showed me that compassion pays.
Love wholeheartedly and forgive easily
There are times, many times, when I lose my patience. I will not take complete blame for it because I am human too. Sometimes, they know which buttons to press and then I give it back after adequate warning. Later I feel terrible for my harsh words. And, I reach out to them. I apologize and even through their tears they always forgive. Immediately they will smile and give me a hug. They do it easily and effortlessly. I never cease to admire this quality. If only, we adults could be as easygoing and forgiving. Sigh!
It is not too tough to tread the right path
My younger son is extremely observant and has a marvelous eye for detail. He also finds joy in small things. Sometimes, one does not have to do big, lavish things for them. An outing with family, a movie, a home-cooked meal which is their favorite suffices. My children are amazingly adapting when it comes to food, clothes or even gifts. I got tired of birthday parties from very early on. They felt fake and useless to me. I stopped throwing parties after each of my sons turned 5. They readily accepted, didn’t throw a tantrum or argued. And you know what, I see them make the effort to eat healthy hardly ever hankering for chips or colas. It makes me appreciate their wisdom and adaptability. And their intelligence in bucking the trend and peer pressure to tread the right path.
Knowledge knows no age
Of course, they are way smarter than I at knowing gadgets. Even my little son is better than me. I don’t bother even disputing that. 🙂 See how they teach grandpa here.
But it is the other life’s lessons that I’ve mentioned above that I marvel at.
After all, I would have thought that I was going to do most of the teaching when I became a parent but here we teach each other every single day about life, love and relationships.
All pics are mine and must not be used by anyone.
Pinnable image courtesy Shutterstock.
Lovely experiences. We all grow together with our kids…these days more so, as they know a lot.
Good luck with contest!
Oh absolutely. Being a parent has made me a better human being and more capable as well. Thanks, Alok.
Good article. All the best for the contest.
Thanks, Sabina. Welcome here.
Ah, Kids! They teach us so many things, don’t they? Good luck for the contest, Rachna. May we all continue to learn, adapt and evolve more as the little ones grow up.
Amen to that, Sid. Thanks for the wishes.
A nice post Rachna, touching upon different aspects of parenting, What I liked most is that instead of inducing your kids into the single minded focus on marks you are stressing upon understanding the subject better Yes we have a lot to learn from our kids and in turn instill the right values.
Thank you, Somali. Parenting is so intuitive. Some techniques we have imbibed. Some others we introspect and adopt. Always trial and error but a lot to do with your own values and thinking. Thanks so much for the appreciation.
Your kids are lucky to have such a good mom. 🙂 No wonder they turned out well!
Oh, that is such a lovely thing to say. Thanks so much, Debbie.
Children can teach and inspire us so much if we are willing to pay attention. Loved the post. All the best for the contest Rachna 🙂
Thanks, Jaibala. They do.
This is such a lovely read, Rachna. So full of a mother’s tender and warm love, a wise and compassionate love, love that knows when to indulge and where to draw limits, what to hold on to and when to let go. I was touched by the way you express here the loving beauty of the special bond you share with your sons. I can just feel how proud you are of your sons 🙂 Wishing you and your family the best for all times to come.
I loved your comment, Beloo. I read it so many times. You made me feel so good about myself. Thank you for validating me. Thanks also for the lovely wishes.
Its like growing up in wisdom.
Nice post.
Well put! Thanks, Swati.
A highly recommended article for parenting, Rachna. I’m impressed by your understanding of core of parenting. A few things I’d like to highlight why I’m saying so. The idea of not being the decision maker in ones kids’ lives is top on it. One should tell kids about pros & cons, and let them decide & bear the consequences. This is must for their strong personality. Second is: Kids learn from what their parents are practising, not from what they are preaching. If parents apologize to their kids for their bad temper or wrong deeds, they are teaching the best way to instil humaneness in them. Kudos! 🙂
Your comment delighted me, Ravish. What astute observations. The point you mentioned about not being the decision maker, I have imbibed from my father. Even now when I lay out a situation and seek his opinion, he never says what I must do. He tells me the pros and cons. It has always been like that. This approach benefitted me immensely. It made me think my decisions through, take responsibility for them and learn from the failures. I think often we bring our egos into relationships driving wedges in them. Thank you again for this uplifting comment.
A great read, Rachna and loved it more because I could relate to it. Truly we learn with our kids….every day…that’s the joy of parenting… 🙂
All the best for the contest… 🙂
Thanks, Maniparna. Every day indeed.
You are an amazing parent Rachna…I know I have learnt a few things reading your posts..Hope to be able to do well in this department in future… And also I must say it makes me happy that you are raising such wonderful kids… They are our future after all..All the best for the contest..
You are so kind, Naba. Reading your comment makes me feel warm and fuzzy. I am sure you will do a great job when the time comes. Thanks so much!
Oh, there is so much to learn from kids and through them as we undertake this journey of parenthood 🙂
Good luck for the contest, Rachna!
Thanks, Shilpa.
There is always something to learn from your posts….
GOD Bless…
Thank you so much! I am glad that you like my posts.
I hate Google for that reason. You are no more the person they look up to. In our days, teachers or parents knew everything.
I feel kids are a reflection of parents and you have done a great job with them. And seriously, birthday parties shouldn’t be allowed after a certain age. It should be more of a family affair. Very cool of you to be ok with marks, very reassuring for kids when parents accept things that worry them.
Couldn’t stop giggling on – they are mine, I created them. Kinda super sweet too. 🙂
I can’t hate Google. It is so useful to us too. 🙂 But it definitely undermines our authority as parents. Thank you for all the lovely words. I guess each parent tries to do the best they can. But it is a tough job.
It is a pretty huge feeling when you see their living, breathing forms emerge out of you. Of course you don’t own your kids. But you have created them hence the responsibility to bring them up right is really quite immense. Thanks for reading, Saru.
A delightul read like always, Rachna!
Thanks, Rahul.
I feel the proudest when my daughter silences me with ‘chill, Maa, I can take care of myself.’
The perks of having your children turn into adults, I guess. 🙂
Lovely lovely post that was, Rachna. Glad I didn’t miss it. I was nodding at how the grip needs to be loosened and how it all happens slowly but surely. Experiencing a similar phase of letting go with my elder one as she steps closer to teens every single day. Like you I believe parenting has been the greatest gift of life. Every episode, every incident, every experience is a treasure by itself. So much of combined learning I would say. Glad to have stumbled upon this on an otherwise gloomy dull day. Thank you! 🙂
Thank you for your unbridled appreciation, Rekha. Brought a huge smile to my face. 🙂 Parenting and its experiences binds us in a common thread. That letting go is difficult, it is. I am already thinking that in just a few years, the teen may move out of the house for studies. And that makes me get cold feet. Oh yes, we are mutually learning and growing. Thanks so much for reading!
I can so relate to it, Rachna. They amaze us in more ways than we can imagine 🙂 It surprises me how they forgive and let go and I can’t as easily as they do. Mine also never fuss over chips and soda which I hardly buy. Truly, it is a blessing. Good luck for the contest. I am detached in a way with my kids like my mom was with us. So, I think letting them go won’t be that hard on me…let us see….things may change any day…you never know 🙂
That is what all of us think. But when they actually walk out that door, they take a part of your heart with them. Happy to have the kids we do.
Enjoyed reading this post, because you try to be objective and honest simultaneously, and admit you are not a super-woman, nor super-mom! 🙂
Thank you, Iliana. 🙂 Yep objective and honest alright. I am no super whatever, just trying to do my best in every role that I play.
Sid, the elder son, reads all my posts. He read this and commented that this was a nice one. That was the biggest validation.
Nice write up. All the best. 🙂
A Rat’s Nibble
Thanks so much.
Very sweet post, Rachna!! And, this statement, “Actually, I think I underwent the maximum change as a person when I became a parent”, I agree with 100%!!
Thanks, Rosh. I became a better person too.
That was a great post and I can see parents found it so relevant. i would say you are doing a great job. those words show how considerate you are as a mother. Your boys are lucky 🙂
Thank you so much, Parul, for such warm words.
It’s wonderful to read that you emphasize on empathy rather than demanding that your children excel academically.
The relief your son felt reminds me of another instance when a mother told me about a conversation with her daughter. Her daughter wasn’t getting admission in some good colleges and the mother said “No matter what happens, I love you.” The disbelief on the daughter’s face was coupled with relief.
Lovely post…
I think excellence follows if one’s skills and interests are nurtured. Pressure doesn’t help anyone. I am happy that my kids are focussed on learning rather than marks.
Thanks for sharing the experience of your friend. I am sure she must’ve been quite surprised.
Thanks for reading.
I was nodding along with every point , Rachna. I am pretty much the same when it comes to apologising and the marks business too. She gets worried if she loses marks. I honestly tell her it doesn’t matter, because I have personally seen the hard work she puts in. Ultimately, the test is just a memory game, after all. What matters is whether she understood the lesson 🙂 How much we learn from them even as we teach them, isn’t it? So beautiful. Hugs to you <3
You are such a sensible and empathetic parent, Shailaja. There is a lot that I learn reading your parenting experiences in raising Gy. Like you I see the hard work they put in. It would be wrong to measure it by just marks. How much we learn from them! Hugs back to you. <3
Such a sweet and insightful post, Rachna. These lovely little creatures do have a lot to teach. We just need to be receptive to learning.
P.S. Love the new blog layout.
Thanks, Shantala. 🙂 I agree. We have to open our hearts and minds and there is so much to learn.
That is one of the sweetest posts I’ve read. Becoming a mother changes you like nothing else does. Those life lessons are priceless.
Thank you so much. I am glad you connected with the post. 🙂
Beautiful post Rachna. Yes, we learn so much from our children. Its a very humbling experience.
Thanks, Asha. We do indeed.