relationship tips

Okay, this is not one of my professional articles that has found its way by mistake to my blog. This is a very different blog post. I try to deconstruct these 6 relationship tips that I have read so many times in so many places that they are coming out of my ears. Even celebrities have picked them up and mouth them when asked inane questions about their partners and marriages. Well, inane questions deserve inane answers, don’t you think! So, let’s go on to the pearls of wisdom:

relationship tips

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Don’t go to bed angry

I have never figured this one out. Now, if you substitute ‘hungry’ with angry, I can completely vouch for its importance. Seriously, nothing is worth giving up on that dinner ever! You can’t sleep on an empty stomach and you can be rest assured that you will get some amused smiles when you raid the fridge at midnight in spite of having made tall claims just a few hours back. Never go there. After that digression, let me come back to the point. Why should there be tenure on hurt and anger? Things do not resolve by saying, “Kiss and make up!” Even kids don’t buy that these days. Things resolve by actively addressing the issues behind the conflict. If you can make peace before you hit the bed, it’s great. Else, well tomorrow is another day. Personally, sleeping over problems gives me time to cool off and perspective too to handle with renewed vigor the next day (I meant the nagging, lecturing and sulking).

The way to a man’s heart is through the tummy

Why didn’t anyone tell me not to fall for this one? Do they ever tell you the wretched aftermath of this? No, they don’t. Now a normal dal roti or dal, chawal, sabzi, roti is a puny meal in the family. Sometimes I have to put my foot down that I will not make Chicken Biryani on a weekday. Yes, the bar has been raised high now. The husband will just not be happy with a simple meal. The son (aftereffects of MasterChef watching) gives heavy duty comments on my cooking like “The texture is perfect – crispy on the outside and juicy within” “The meatballs have been seasoned and cooked to perfection!” So, unless you plan to spend most of your life slogging on the stove to protect your lofty reputation, remember to keep burning, over salting or undercooking your food regularly. And also to praise him to the skies whenever he cooks ;-).

Leave notes in unexpected places 

In all probability, he may not read it and just throw it away as some junk paper. And if he reads it, it won’t be too good for my ego to hear him burst into fits of laughter. Love notes can be corny :)! Ummm I am happier telling him to the face. The other day, he came across an old handmade card of mine with a poem (stolen from the net).

“Did you really do that one?” he asked.

Of course!

“Seriously, you ain’t that creative!” he said with a doubtful look. Damn!

Do new things together

This again is a dicey affair. As supportive as I am of what the husband enjoys doing including his gardening, I have realized that our interests are vastly different. I enjoy reading and writing. He loves gardening, carpentry, and plumbing. He also enjoys tinkering with his electrical stuff. Try as I might, I find them boring. New things together may not always be fun. Instead, we give each other space to indulge in what we like individually.

Pay compliments to each other

Absolutely this is true if you look at each other properly which is not so common many years into marriage. Besides, most men get scared of the interrogation that follows. “What exactly did you like about the dress?” will finally descend into “I knew you were lying. I do look fat in this dress.”

Sometimes the compliments may lead to fights or sulking. Picture one such conversation:

Him: “You are looking very nice today.”

You: “So you mean to say, I don’t look nice every day.” (counter question)

Him: Errrr

You: “You never have the time to notice how I look. I got this fantastic hair color done and you did not comment.” (accusation)

Him: “Your hair color looks lovely. What is it, red?”

You: “No it is auburn. When will you understand colors properly?” (questions intelligence)

Him: sulks (why did I bother complimenting)

Communicate with each other 

This one I took very seriously so much so that I am the one who keeps communicating (talking) all the time. My poor husband is mortified every time I say, “Let’s talk.” He pulls his headphones closer and tries to show that he is hard at work with imminent deadlines. Even the kids have learned to steer clear when mom is in one of her lecturing talking moods. Luckily, Coco has no place to run.

So, you see exactly how effective these tips are in keeping romance alive. Implement them at your own peril.

PS: Happy Valentine’s Day folks! Kick the rules. Do what you enjoy and what makes the two (plus one, plus two) of you Tango!

Pics courtesy: Pinnable image and Featured Image Shutterstock

86 Thoughts on “6 Relationship Tips that will Keep the Spark in your Romance Alive — Busted!

  1. Absolute Rocker! Seriously, the net is so full of such tips… guess people don’t even wonder whether they will work or not before writing them. 🙂

  2. Lovely post. Though I have tried my hand at a whole lot of such tips, somehow, there are only a few that really work. Like appreciating him to the skies when he cooks 😉

  3. Hahaha, you hit the nail on the head. Exactly what I feel, specially about the first three! Don’t go to bed angry never made sense to me–and ‘the way to a man’s heart is through the tummy’ simply annoys the hell out of me!

    And ah, writing love notes! I did that when I was very young and very foolish–and was rewarded with peals of laughter from the husband!

    Happy Valentine’s Day to you too 🙂

    • hehehe Scribblehappy, I am laughing with you on the experiences you shared. I guess realism dawns on all of us sooner or later :-). Thanks much for reading!

  4. Happy Valentine’s day, Rachna, with or without rules… 🙂 Fun blog!

  5. You nailed it Rachna! Hilarious but true. 😀

  6. hahaha….I liked the cooking part so much!! You nailed it Rachna…And the notes thing ! haha I just put up an entire letter on my blog dedicated to S and he’s being so shy about it! Of-course, I knew he’d do that but it’s so funny to tease him..

    • hahaha Naba! When I read your letter, I knew that your poor hubby must be turning all shades of red ;-). It was very sweet and I understand the emotion behind it. Wish you a Happy Valentine’s Day!

  7. Interesting take on the “demything the popular “tips”” Rachna. I agree, there are some seriously questionable ones out there. But I suppose some things do work for some. Like me for eg, I find it incredibly difficult to go to bed both angry and hungry. Hungry ok, is a given. Angry doesnt give me a good night’s sleep. Of course, I’m also of the opinion that we need to give each other their space, and luckily for me, JP is a woman after my own heart. So if we are about to get into an argument at some point after dinner, one of us takes a break and walks away. That way, we both get some time to cool off, and 99% its always ok before we go to bed. Term is silly, but it’s just something that we’ve been used to.

    The tummy thing I agree. And I don’t believe in it. If it was true, I’d be in love with lots of female celeb chefs…and some males too. But yes, a good home cooked meal made with love is definitely a mood booster either way.

    Leave notes – though not frequent. I still do it sometimes 🙂 Communicate – Yes, this can be a disaster. Mood swings etc. But in general, sometimes impromptu chats can be really good.

    The compliment thing – Again it depends on the other person. Luckily for me, mine just takes it and doesn’t counter-question. So I suppose that’s why it works. But yes, i’ve also known it to back fire sometimes !

    And yes, do new things together – you’re quite right when you say that what one person enjoys, the other may not. But sometimes you can try before you say no. JP was never a trekking sort of person. But I was..and back when we were in the UK, most of our holidays (pre-Rishi that is) ended up being trekking holidays, And it wasn’t because I planned them. Similarly, I was always iffy about spas. But she got me to try it and now I can’t think of anything more relaxing.

    Of course, I get the point behind the article. And yes, sometimes they make you wonder why people wrote it in the first place. But sometimes what works for one, may not work for the other, no? An interesting take nevertheless 😀

  8. You had me giggling from the word go. By the third ‘tip’ I was laughing out with my kids looking askance at me wondering if their mother has finally lost it!

    The tongue- in-cheek irreverence of this post is exactly suited to counter the mush-fest this day promises to bring. Thank God for sanity…. thank God for your reasonable expectations- from yourself and from others. Plain, wholesome goodness. The kind that fills the soul with the same contentment that a simple plate of dal- chawal with a slice of mango pickle gives. Bliss! 🙂

    • Dagny, I am so glad that the post gave you a few giggles. That is all I had intended when penning this :). If I praise you; I will praise myself (in the words of a very wise, fantastic writer) :).

  9. ROFL Rachan… I just can’t STOP laughing! Oh my! Why is it that you sound like my should sister…and your Hubs such a replica of mine… and the situations and the comments – oh well… so similar LOL!
    I love your son’s comments on the cooking – and by far my favorite is – *so unless you plan to spend your life in the kitchen…..*** hahaha! Too Good, Rachna, loved this post.
    We can’t even watch a movie at home these days that we enjoy together. Where are the so-called *date-nights*, *movie-night* things happening 😀

    • I must tell you that I have the same doubts as you mentioned in your last sentence :D. Many of these tips are meant to be read with huge pinches of salt. Thanks for reading! Glad you enjoyed the post :).

  10. This is funny!! But I personally feel the compliments thing and doing new things together work most of the times :). As for MasterChef, that show is the reason my five year old says words like ‘flavor’ and ‘presentation’ at meal times!

    • I am happy they work for you, Fab! I never hesitate in giving compliments and hardly ever quiz him when he gives me one. But I know of women who do that. This is more written in jest with an intention to point out that all tips are not really meant to be taken seriously. I tell you MasterChef has completely spoiled our children :). Thanks for reading!

  11. This is so true and so hilarious! Eventually it’s all about giving space. I agree! And the compliments bit had me chuckling 🙂

  12. I am currently reading the book 5 love languages, and everything you said resonated with it… you are absolutely right about never going to bed angry. The compliment bit doesn’t work with my hubby though, he is a scorpio 😛

  13. Hahaha! And quite true – as they say – the road to Hell is paved with good intentions and you have listed five of those pavement bricks 🙂

  14. Hah, well, you did your bit by bursting a few myths on the most important day for the creators of Love Myths! Better be covered well to face the blazing arrows that come your way from Cupid himself now!

  15. hahah Super post and much needed after the over dose of sweetness stuff read all over the net 🙂

  16. Ha ha. Great tips Rachna. You should do this more often. The subtle wit and masti is refreshing. And no point asking, ” Am I looking fat?” We will never get the right answer. Better ask your kids. They are honest.

    • Thank you, Alka :). Your encouragement provides me a lot of motivation always. About the husband, oh I have long back stopped asking him. The two boys fill in nicely when I am hankering for compliments ;-). Thank you for reading!

  17. Loved your practical, no-nonsense take and the humour! Can’t imagine who keeps churning out all those totally impossible-to-adhere to relationship advices all over the web. Must be living in denial.

  18. Happy Valentine Day, Rachna. Hmm!! Love the list and quite a fun filled list..Let’s Talk is quite something when a woman says these words, it means you are in deep trouble:0

  19. You are absolutely right about when a woman wants to have a conversation, it is an ominous sign :). Thanks for reading! And wish you a Happy Valentine’s day as well.

  20. Omg.. you nailed it .. specially the point on complimenting and communicating.. I end up counter questioning so much..

  21. Hahahaha 😀 Never go to bed angry is what I don’t understand too. I tried that once in my early years of marriage and it ended up increasing the fight even more 😛 Neverrrr tried it again.

  22. Good reading for a Valentines Day.

  23. Very nice take of your own on the mentioned tips. I think, I will follow yours if, I need to follow any 🙂 Sometimes I think, leaving each other alone also works… If not for the relationship then for the peace in the house :))

    • haha Poornima, very wise words those “If not for the relationship then for the peace in the house.” Do follow my own tips at your own risk :D. Thanks so much for reading.

  24. Agree on all the points. Most of the time he is not there only….and whenever he is there TV is his valentine. That’s my story.

  25. LOL, Rachna!! You sure know how to debunk these pearls of wisdom!! Though, my parents bought into the first one when they were young! My mom used to say that after the fight, neither wanted to say sorry, but they also refused to let the other sleep!! Finally, out of sheer exhaustion, they used to make up!! 😀

    • hehe Rosh! Just doing some velagiri. That was an interesting tactic used by your parents :D. If you can’t resolve, just do it by driving the other to sheer exhaustion. I will keep this one in mind for the next time ;-).

  26. Thats one hilarious read Rachna 😀

  27. Interesting–it was time someone gave candid commentary on such tips.
    The first one does not work at all because both are fuming and sulking from a spat-best to sleep on it.

    But yes i do think that compliments received now and then can cement the rapport.

    • Indu, it was just meant to be written in jest. Compliments always work :). Yet, every relationship needs to figure out what works and does not work for them. We cannot have universal pearls of wisdom :). Thanks for reading!

  28. Loved the post, Rachna. Perfect in its irreverence and tongue-in-cheek humour. Especially loved the one where G asked you if you had written that poem. Couldn’t stop smiling through the other myths that you busted with such relish 🙂 Hugs.

    • Thank you so much, Zephyr :). Glad you enjoyed it. I quite giggled when I penned it. G does have a wry sense of humor that I absolutely adore. I would hate it if he went all sappy romantic all the time ;-). We quite love pulling each other’s leg in fun! He actually guffawed when I made him read the post.

  29. That was a fun read indeed.

  30. Didn’t see this comments section… thought you had changed it to the facebook one!
    Lovely post…like I said earlier, complimenting and not going to bed angry is something we practice all the time…there’s nothing like getting compliments from your life partner!

    • I am happy, you practise those tips, Danny! Like I said earlier, by all means do each one if they work for you. But don’t feel bad if they don’t. I guess each one in a relationship figures out their tips :). Thanks for reading.

  31. That ‘way into a man’s heart is through his tummy’ nonsense was probably somebody’s supposed-to-be-great idea to make us keep cooking. 😀

    I actually like the ‘don’t go to bed angry’ point. I can’t fall asleep without making up. But then, I’m the only one who loses sleep over that. The better half falls asleep as soon as his bed hits the pillow, no matter what 😀 😀

    I hope you had a good Valentine’s Day, Rachna. Belated Wishes. 🙂

    • hehe Divya! You know I agree. Someone chadaoed all women to keep slogging at the stove and yet not feel bad about it :). I completely am with you on that sleep as soon as he hits the bed bit :-D. It is me who just keeps playing it in my mind. He doesn’t stress over them much. He knows wife is there to resolve them :-D. Yep, I had a good Valentine’s Day. Lots of fun and laughter. Of course, I cooked something good too :)! Hope you had a great time too.

  32. Psst…Did you just replace tips to make your relationship work with your own gems? :p

    On a serious note, I think our parents are our best teachers. It is from their mistakes we learnt 🙂

    • hehehe Purba ;-). Exactly what I am telling everyone to do, create their own gems. You are right! Parents are great teachers. I admired mine to be perfect role models for being a romantic, respecting and loving couple. I guess that rubs off on us somewhere. But G and I are more fun. We can laugh with and at each other apart from being romantic too.

  33. Indeed, these tips remain fresh like a rose on Valentine’s day and this month of cupid, Rachna:)

  34. Was nodding all the way through the post! Lovely! 🙂 I have never understood why we need a particular day to celebrate love and found it rather amusing watching people go ga ga over it.

    • haha Seeta! Me too feels similarly. I especially find it amusing that people spend truckloads on this day. Why not buy the gift or flowers a day before or after, the love remains the same and it is so much lighter on the pocket ;-).

  35. LOLOL…so so true re…I can visualise my house and my lectures while reading the post. Sach mein naa…You know S can never live hungry for more than few mins…so he never strikes his food, cos he doesn’t know how to cook. It was me who stopped packing lunch once for a week..hehehe…and the unexpected notes, he wouldn’t even notice..he might think that could be one of my grocery lists I make 🙂 And compliments, just the other day I tell him, you know you look handsome when you are exercising in the gym (with all sweat) his turn to give me that look…okay, let me stop..I can go on and on 😛

  36. LOL 😀 Spot on all the points!! A lot of myths have truly been busted!! The notes just dont work. I remember I was away on my anniversary 2 yrs ago, so I bought a gift along with a card and asked him to see it at the place where I had kept it. And this card, I had bought after ages and took equally long time to show my love through words on it. And guess what, when I come back and was sorting the ‘mess’ at home, my labour of love and affection lay unopened and unread on the dressing table. He removed the gift and the card, used the gift and forgot all about the card even when it was lying in front of his eyes since 5 days!!

    • hehe He really did that? These days, it is best to thrust a card in their hands and stand till they read it :). The fun things we do as the relationship ages always make me smile. Thanks for reading, Shilpa!

  37. Chai a cup of life on February 19, 2014 at 6:04 pm said:

    Really great tips. I especially agree that a way to a mans heart is his stomach! And also complimenting each other..funnily enough I just wrote a post about accepting a compliment! Nice to connect with you via bloggers network 🙂

  38. hahahahahah…well you busted it all real well!!!!
    But in my case I cannot go to bed angry, I need to end things up or atleast make it even worse 😛

  39. Belated Valentine’s Day to you! It’s a tad too late but I am glad I did not miss out on the gyaan. 😀 I have come across how to keep your this and that life alive articles and found it quite silly to be frank. Thanks again! 🙂

  40. Superb.
    What I liked is about giving compliments to each other.
    In my terminology…..this is an excellent excuse to flirt with one’s wife.
    I do

  41. Deepankar on May 11, 2014 at 12:33 pm said:

    Excellent Work,

    Besides these i think trying to live a day probably in a month without any technology… watches, no mobiles, no TV, no internet, no e life just plain life ..not bounded by time of tide of e way life a good way to bounce back …..with energy n will…nature, sports n some quality time together will pay much richer dividends..

  42. Pingback: Rachna says - 2014 a recap - Rachna Says

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