I have been noticing of late that every time there is a specific Day like Valentine’s Day or Mother’s Day, there is the mandatory change of status updates on social media. Pictures are automatically modified. Bloggers come up with blogposts, some mundane, some unusual, and many interesting. All in all, the virtual world is agog with activity. You can’t escape the same in newspapers and TV. Akshaya Tritiya just went by yesterday. No one could have ignored those large adverts with goddess-like women dripping in gold jewelry. I wonder if that made some women depressed and most men very nervous :).
Now the same display of emotions may seem irksome to some. Sure, we all have opinions, why not? But, what I fail to understand is why it triggers depression in some others? Is it because one person’s show of fervor is distasteful or unabashed to another? Well, that is what social media is all about anyway. My personal impression is that if I celebrate an occasion, it is just my mark of respect for that special person/s – in remembering or appreciating them. Now you may say that love for someone is not meant to be shown for a day only. Totally agree, but putting a day aside for someone important and being grateful for their presence in your life is good. After all gratitude is heartening and fills one with positive vibes.
If possible, I would want to tell each important person in my life every single day, how much they mean to me. But, that doesn’t happen. So I appreciate these occasions when I remember, cherish and enjoy the presence of these thoughtful souls in my life. Now for me, the occasion has nothing to do with gifts. I have never expected to get one except of the intangible kind. But, I loved it when my son gave me a handwritten letter on this Mother’s Day, I won’t deny it. I loved remembering both my mother and mother-in-law with love and pride and enjoyed sharing the camaraderie with all others who were celebrating mothers. I sent personalized emails to friends last Friendship Day. So yes, it is fun and positive to celebrate the good that you are blessed with in your life. Do it and you will see a difference in your own life.
In no way is this gesture or celebration meant to offend or poke fingers at others or belittle another. I personally hate the hue and cry around Valentine’s Day especially the commercialization. But doing something special for the significant other on that day is completely within the territory. Just today, I was penning an article on letting go and practicing gratitude.
I really feel that it is within the power of each individual to treat each such celebration, each event in our lives as an occasion of their own. Who says one needs to be a mother or father to celebrate Mother’s Day or Father’s Day? Is there no mentor, teacher, guide, colleague, boss, sister, brother, or friend who fits that bill if your own parents do not or if you yourself are not a parent? Are you not a nurturer of many other souls without actually being a parent? Do you really need to have a girlfriend/boyfriend in your life to celebrate love? It is all a matter of nazariya or approach. And, do you think that doing away with an occasion will actually ease or erase the void that you feel inside if you feel one? It really won’t. Because the problem is not with the occasion but with what you associate with it. And, I am not saying that you don’t have a right to express your disgust or negative feelings for the occasion. You do and you must and it is cathartic too, but don’t let these days make you depressed. Poke fun, be sarcastic, kick a riot with anti-day people or whatever suits you and have your own anti-day camaraderie.
Don’t be mistaken that I am in favor of commercialization of emotions or feelings. I am not! But I am not cynical about life, and sometimes feeling happy for someone else is enriching too. Yes, gratitude is nice and uplifting. And for that sole reason, I appreciate these occasions.
Cynicism is easy; hatred is even easier! God knows we need more reasons to celebrate in our heart and mind what we already have.
He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has. – Epictetus
What do you think of these special Days? Do you celebrate them and if so in what way?
Pic courtesy: freedigitalphotos.net
I seriously wonder how much idle time such people have. To each his own, I guess. I am not a big fan of days but that’s my opinion, it doesn’t mean I judge or shun those who celebrate it. A letter from Sid, that’s such a meaningful present.
Even if you judge it is perfectly fine :). I find roses, red balloons and pillows vomit inducing but who am I to say if it appeals to some. My only point is that we feel down because either our expectations from the occasion are not fulfilled or because we have sad memories that come to the fore. If we address those, we can take these in our stride. Absolutely, that letter was a surprise and a lovely gift to get.
I do think it is always sweet to celebrate special days–at least ensuring we remember people in our lives and thank them. And people should continue to do that. At the same time, special days are also painful for many, in more ways than you know. If they find it distasteful and find old wounds open up, they should be granted that space to vent/grieve as their own way. All these special days have been noted by psychologists as triggers for severe depression–in USA, the rates of depression/suicidal tendencies increase during Christmas holidays. For example, last year my colleague who was recently killed in a road accident wrote this about his mother: http://randomsnideness.blogspot.ae/2012/05/sweet-deranged-mother-of-mine.html?m=1 He has a right to say it too. I remember my 16yr old son from whom I cannot receive a mother’s day card in spite of having almost single-handedly brought him up as a single mother for many years. And it hurts to see displays on other folks statuses. We need to learn to allow space for everyone and let them be.
Bhavana, I read your friend’s post. It is thought provoking. First of all, hugs and apologies to you if I’ve upset you in anyway. Perhaps, I didn’t convey what I wnated to correctly. So, I’ve updated the post. No, I am not saying that the space is for a few to hijack or that everyone needs to conform. And I understand that certain events can trigger depression. I remember feeling a twinge of regret even now when women proudly run off to their maayka for holidays or for their deliveries, and I have no mother to go to. But, I try to celebrate her happy memories instead of dwelling on the loss and the “why me” question. And, I hope others can too. Because the world does not stop doing what they want to do because we don’t like it or because it affects us, but we have to devise our own ways to cope. In my limited understanding, I am not saying don’t have negative feelings, just that find a positive way to channelize them. Hope that makes sense. And about the letter, I never gave one to my mom either. And I may write posts about her but is she reading them?
I understand that Rachna and I accept your points. But healing takes its own time…for my friend, his relationship with his mother was so brutal, that he could not just “move on”…I move on in my own ways but have no intention of showing gratitude to anyone unless it comes to me naturally. Positiveness is overrated. Those who walk too much in muck know how overrated it is and what a pressure it is to keep a “positive” face always. Let everyone be–those who vent, those who are bitter, those who celebrate, those heal and move on–all are part of the garden where flowers of all kinds and weeds of all kinds co-exist in a mutually beneficial way.
To me positivity is not overrated. It is definitely worth striving for. To you it may not be. To a third party it may mean something else. And to each our own as long as we are happy in doing what our heart dictates :).
As for me, all days pass by equally mundanely – triggering neither depression nor ecstasy 🙂 But then I am not too much of a one to nurse regrets or grievances or, indeed, to envy the presence of something in someone else’s life which is absent in mine – so depression is unlikely.
And you have already attained nirvana, Suresh :-P. Is it the annual Himalayan treks that help?
I agree. I dislike those days myself but what right have I to protest another person’s enjoyment of them?! I don’t know why a lot of people cannot adopt a neutral stance!
I know exactly what you are saying. I dislike so many of them myself especially the crazy stuff that people do and expect but like you who am I to say if another person likes celebrating them?
Loved the line that on akshya tritya women depressed and most men very nervous ..wowww 😉
Poor men, I feel for them. Every occasion and the load of expectations on their shoulders is tremendous :). Thank you for reading and liking, Ingeniousmrs!
Thank you Rachna for penning such a thought provoking post. I never thought about these special days in particular. Of course I feel elated when my children wish me on Mothers’ Day.I only hate huge posters/advertisements in the Press and on important market places on Akshaya Trithya. These are nothing but advertisements from Jewellers for enhancing their business.
Thank you Ushaji. Exactly how I feel. I love exchanging the wishes and warmth and hate the associated commercialization of gifting. Like you pointed out, these are occasions hyped by card companies, jewelers etc. to increase their sales.
I posted my comments here but they are not visible.
So sorry. It had gone into spam. I just retrieved it Ushaji.
As long as I’m not hurting someone’s sentiments, private space, I am free to celebrate anything. And if some insist on being cynical let them be. It’s just another opinion, isn’t it?
Aptly put, Purba!
Rachna it is the crass commercialisation which hurts not the sentiments behind these occassions. In India, as it is there are seven days and eight festivals each week:)
I agree with the irritating commercialization bit. But tell me frankly, doesn’t your heart melt when you kids express their love on Father’s Day? For me, it does! Celebrating feelings is definitely welcome :).
Another very thoughtful post which inspired me to think and reflect on some of the issues that you have raised. Let me share my own examples: When I was with my mother, I would scream my lungs out about how these days are commercialised and all that jazz but now after getting married, I impulsivley sent a gift to my mom purchased via online shopping. I wanted to surprise her and let her know that she means a lot to me. On hindsight, I realise that I was a hypocrite who changed accordingly. Now, I’m able to see things clearly. I have ceased being a cynic and now and then do indulge on these days. I, of course despise the commercial aspect attached to these days but the thoughtfulness and joy is definitely welcome.
Thanks for this post, dear Rachna.
Thank you for this lovely, honest comment. To tell you the truth, I used to hate these days when younger. But now I love doing sentimental things for all those close to me. The commercialization may be irksome but the emotions are real. And how sweet of you to do that for your mom. I regret that I lost mine too soon. I couldn’t do these lovely things in her honor. I write posts about her, but she is not there to read them or to see my love for her. In a way, I have ceased being a cynic too. I am happy to concede space to people to celebrate their emotions in the way they deem suitable without taking offense. Thank you for reading, Susan!
I think celebrations of any kind by anyone are not an issue, so long as there is no exhibitionism or commercialization to it. That puts off those who are not involved or not celebrating for whatever reasons. I have a post on the same lines, will put it up in a few days.
Agree Chatty Wren. Send me a link when you put up your post :).
My problem is not with the celebrations as such (though I am not a fan of all these this-‘n-that days). What I find irritating is the way people put celebrations second and displays on Facebook first. It’s as if the whole thing was being done for letting the world know – that really kills a celebration. Imagine uploading the pic of a cake before you even eat it with the text: Tastes yumm!
Interesting post and very interesting comments too. I love the conversations happening on your space. 🙂
hehe Tastes yumm before eating, now that is funny. Thank you. I enjoy the conversations too.
I think we forget to ‘live and let live’… If someone likes it, he or she should have the freedom to say it and if someone doesn’t, they should have the freedom to say it too. may be those who don’t like such things and say it out aloud are not doing that for cynicism but just to vent their feelings out.
Well that is an interesting thought! I don’t think anyone has a problem with venting or ranting, that is what all bloggers do :). But, I was wondering why seeing someone else have fun makes someone else feel small? For eg. if we see someone excitedly sharing news of winning of contest, do we participate and share the joy of the moment or start feeling depressed that we did not win ourselves? Imagine how many such depressing moments we will then have on social media. Live and let live exactly.
That I agree on. It happens and probably that’s part of some people’s nature. They can’t really enjoy happiness of others.
I am all for celebrations but the show of it on social media is what puts me off. The small little cards,sweet words, thoughtful gifts, never fail to add that extra smile or a sparkle in your life and form a part of some beautiful memories later on. I remember, a few years ago, Aaryan packed a small key chain which we never used (a freebie) in a wrapping paper with ribbons and coloured tape for father’s day… it made KG happy and he immediately changed his car key chain. I still smile at the memory of “You are WORD’S best mom!” 🙂
Me too, Shilpa. Sometimes the show can put off 🙂 . But these tiny moments and sweet words will stay with us forever. So sweet, word’s best mom 😉 . Even my sons had wrapped an old cellphone in flowers and all kinds of paraphernalia as a birthday gift 🙂 . And once they gave us anniversary wishes on a post it 🙂 . That post it is still stuck.
Personally, I don’t like the commercialization of these days and the fact that one is almost made to feel guilty when you don’t choose to celebrate them. This year I found it amusing that when a few people put up Mother’s Day reminders on their Facebook pages and I wished them, they wished me back – which in some ways went to show how meaningless it can all become!
I agree with the irritating commercialization and a feeling of being forced. Personally I love the small gestures and exchange of love.
The gestures are great, Rachna. But why would anyone want to wish me back for Mother’s Day? Hence my remark of how meaningless things can become on social media!
No doubt about that Corinne; it is beyond stupid that someone actually did that to you. You are right, some people do it rather mechanically without even thinking about what they are doing.
My sons just wished me! My two nieces gave me flowers! I like any form of showing love to others. Yes, we always love our near and dear ones. But it is a nice feeling when they express it and these particular days help them/us do it! If people don’t want to spend money, they need not spend but do it with flowers or just hugs! Business people are business people…nobody compels us to buy anything!
Akshaya tritia has gone into selling gadgets and sarees too, here! We just laugh at it!
Just like you mostly we wish each other. We show affection in simple ways. There is no need to spend money or fall for silly gimmicks. But showing love to each other is always welcome.
A pillar even with a tale fails to reach out and touch the heart of one who is sensitive very much like a clinical person. We sometimes need to show of the love we feel and that has given rise to the trend of exchanges meant for different occasions. Your post brings out with all honesty and in a lucid manner the fact that a reciprocal gesture is needed to celebrate the the joy of love that normally remains hidden in the deepest core of the heart. Keep blogging with such an ardent zeal.
thank you for reading and for your warm words, Kajal. Sometimes we need to express love and these days give a perfect opportunity that we may otherwise not grab.
I agree with you, Rachna. I don’t bother much about Valentine’s day as ‘S’ is not an expressive or PDA kinda person. But you know, Women’s day and Mother’s day make meaning to me. I do want to be pampered and treated special on those days. Rushi went and plucked a flower from the apartment complex and gave it to me and I felt so glad he did that. Good that schools in US make the kids do an art project and give something to moms. 🙂 I do get depressed at times because no one is doing anything for me on that special day…:P..
Yep even a simple flower or a card perks us up. And don’t be depressed if no one does anything. Go ahead and do something for yourself :).
I spent this Mother’s day with my mom after many long years. We shopped, dined and had fun. Just the two of us. Though it wasn’t exactly to celebrate the occasion, being together on that day definitely felt a little special! That said, I used to be this ‘anti-day’ person a few years back, but looking at the world today, I think we keep forgetting to give back love almost all the time. So, its okay to be reminded of that which makes us all human and these ‘days’ do just that! Special days sans expensive gifts work for me.
Thanks for the thought-provoking post, Rachna!
Thank you Malini for reading and connecting with the post. Exactly what I wanted to convey. It is fun reveling in the love and attention. Also who wouldn’t love a little affection?
I like letters and handmade cards. Heck for that matter even a Kiss would do 🙂 i hate being showy when thee are no emotions. I mean why celebrate days when u dont love/respect ur mother/wife etc
Me too. Gestures count much more than anything else. And you are right, no point in doing something for the show alone too.
I think we have a tendency to be more sad to see others enjoy their lives. The fact that all of us are blessed in our own ways does not count. I agree that the displays have gone up after social media came into picture but we should always take that with a pinch of salt.
True Amit. Like you pointed out everything must be taken with a pinch of salt. But why get depressed? Enjoy or ignore and move on. You’ve made a valid point about not seeing happiness in one’s own life but getting upset with that of others.
We usually get to celebrate most of the occasions with our friends. We have a lively bunch of friends 🙂
That is super cool :).
People here in India have this tendency to be negative to anything that is from the west. They grumble, during Mother’s day/ FD, Valentine’s day etc, as they cannot go with the flow.And why shout, at the commercial part of these celebration, for some it is business to be tapped, and make money while they can, why can’t we understand that and just move on?
Yes we already have too many festivals,on top of that these celebration too, and just as we are forced to remember to celebrate these occasions pertaining to various Gods ( whether we believe in them or not), we are reminded to think of real people in our lives during these so called MD/ FD,etc. The west has such days as Thanks giving, so why crib about their celebrations, and why crib if people all over the world like to follow it.
If you don’t like don’t celebrate, but writing such negative blogs about it year after year is kind of boring, I would say, go get yourself some life people.
When we were young we had never heard of these special days to honor these special people who meant a great deal for us, although such days were always celebrated all throughout the west.
However as we were made aware of these days we also felt like honoring those special people, what is wrong in that I cannot understand.
My children never wish me on these days, that does not mean that they don’t love me, perhaps they too feel that it is too much, but who knows they might change, and might be doing things differently later on.
I really feel in India there will always be some spoil sports, and all we can do is to let them be.
I guess everyone has a right to their opinion, Rama. And that is perfectly fine — the cynicism or the abstinence. But if it is causing serious health issues like depression; it is perhaps time to think about the actual reasons behind that instead of decrying others possibly the cause lies within. Like you said, we never had such days in our childhood. But these days, I enjoy wishing my father or mil on such occasions. And the happiness I sense in them gives me joy.
I think those who change their status on social media sites depending upon the day are heavily complexed set of people.
The day commercialising of these events stops,small gestures expressing care,love,emotions will say much more than what c social media can..
A flower,a hug..PAIRII PONA are love bombs..
Koshish To Karo
Exactly, koshish toh karke dekho. Tiny gestures can be so enriching. And personally I like celebrating the people in my life. In my own small way, by penning a blog post or by sharing a special picture with them, I am conveying my love in a simple way.
I agree with Bhavana. I have never expressed on facebook how nauseating it becomes seeing almost everyone posting about a day, most of it is a display and initiates a competition of sorts many times (mostly around Valentine’s day) I personally never bash such display of love and relationships on social networking sites, but I don’t like it to be honest. BUT I have tolerance to let it be.
It affects all those who lost their loved ones or those who don’t have great relationships or are trying to heal from grief… almost the same way when someone displays wealth to poor.
And no..it’s not a why me question always…I am an incurable optimist and still there are painful days.
Agree that some things may trigger bad memories. My post was not about the compulsion to celebrate days or tom tom them. I think we all perceive things differently on social media. To me it could be sharing of happiness, to another it could seem like exhibitionism. And the fact of the matter is that celebrations like days and festivals are not going away. So why stress over something you can’t control? At least allow yourself not to be bothered by them. And I am not saying what you or anyone else should do. It is just my personal opinion. Imagine men getting stressed over celebrations of women’s day. Why can’t happiness of one person trigger happiness in another? And there are painful days and memories for all Sangeeta irrespective of whether there is a celebration or not. Don’t we all learn to cope anyway?
Yes Rachna I agree sharing happiness is a pure joy and is very infectious when it is a spontaneous thing. I do love seeing kids drawing cards for parents or teachers or for each other no matter what day it is. My objection is not on sharing happiness, it is on exhibitionism, why else a husband would be tempted to wish his wife happy woman’s day on fb or spouses wishing each other for their anniversary on fb. I am sure you have seen those too.
I personally don’t stress over it may be you realise but I have seen people getting affected as I have worked with some parents of special children and helped some people heal from grief along side my own healing.
I understand what you are saying. I really do. But sometimes, we are also ready to jump to conclusions. I remember there was a time when my husband was away on a project for almost a month. I was eight months pregnant and had a toddler to take care of and was missing him terribly. I remember once sharing a very romantic song on his FB wall. It was just a spur of moment thing as it was some occasion. To another person it may seem like exhibitionism. But it wasn’t. Many times we don’t really know the whole picture, do we? Social media is as much one person’s space as another. There are so many things that put me off too on social media and perhaps I may be guilty of judging as well. I feel sad that unintentionally one person may feel hurt because of what another is sharing on their own profile. Because after all that is not shared with one person or aimed at them. It is sort of a sharing with all. I think I am rambling now so will stop :).
There are those who feel happiness is an intensely private emotion. And there are those who feel that the very definition of happiness involves visible and public signs of it. And there are those of us who oscillate in between.. This is somewhat like how some like to celebrate Diwali or Ganesh Chathurthi on the streets and how some prefer a less public approach. Tough to draw the line on where one’s personal freedom ends and where it impinges on another’s in these matters, and near impossible to draw right/wrong conclusions about such behaviors. I guess we must let others do what they have to, and hope that they will afford us a similar luxury 🙂
Well said, Srini! I completely agree that happiness is a private emotion or not depending upon individual choice. And, whether someone celebrates or not is again for them to decide, but it is within our power to not let that affect our mental peace. If we just keep getting affected every time we see someone else celebrating, then there will be no end to our miseries. Personally, I respect everyone’s right to do as they wish.
I agree with you Rachna, these occasions are about taking that minute off to show your love and appreciation to the people who matter. What I find silly is a wife wishing her husband happy valentine’s on FB or similar such unnecessary posts.
Thank you Dipika. Well social media is crazy in many ways :).
This honest post from you has brought forth many views.I will only say that commercialization of these days just kills the spirit.
I agree with that part completely Indu :). But if we keep that apart, the emotions make it worth it. Thank you so much for reading.
While I think it’s important to celebrate such persons in our lives, be it mothers on mothers day etc, I think it’s silly that we only do it for one day yet go back to our bad habits and ignoring that person till the next year. I always appreciate your frank, honest blogs.
Thank you Emmy. I completely agree that if it just to brag on one day then the celebration is completely mindless. Long time! How have you been?