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I have two boys. Yeah, I know, ALL of you know that. I live in a house that is strongly tipped in the favor of the Y chromosome. Even my Labrador is a boy. While, that in itself makes for some really interesting and hilarious experiences, it also exposes me so much to the male thinking. One complaint I hear very often from both my children these days is that many teachers show a distinct bias towards girls.
I heard that girls are allowed not to play in games periods. They are also allowed to not do the march past practice if they so want. The PT teachers who are generally monsters in the guise of humans are very gentle with them while being physical and verbally more colorful with the boys.
Boys are being subject to more physical and verbal abuse in schools
And, this is the strangest, there are girls who cry at the drop of the hat so that the teacher will increase half mark that they lost due to their silly mistakes. Seriously, I’ve heard men complain about women using their tears as weapons, but this truly is stretching it too far. It is also an established fact by research that better behavior in class often gets rewarded with better grades even when the performance of two children (irrespective of gender) has been academically similar.
A teacher must be seen as fair and unbiased in evaluation
I am a proud member of my tribe who takes up for the girls instantly. But the fair-minded me finds it very hard to justify this behavior. Is it just some rattled boys making random observations to bring down girls or is there some truth to it? When I look back at my own memories of school days, I don’t remember us getting any respite from any PT or games. What the boys did, the girls did as well. I remember the march past practice used to be so harsh in the hot, humid Mumbai sun that some girl or the other would invariably faint. Yet, there was no letting up for girls.
Do teachers actively discriminate between boys and girls?
Yes, the teachers would not hit girls. This was back in those days when teachers did use force on children. I guess that is simply because one treats the female gender more gently. But my son questioned why should girls be respected, and it be accepted by teachers that boys can be shoved around and hit? I really had no answer to that. That is certainly not right!
In a way, are we reinforcing the rough and tough, machismo image for boys and advocating that violence is okay.
Things like chivalry and allowing another person concessions once in a while just because they are of another gender is a concept very difficult to grasp for boys. It only hits them when they get older and start dating. Even then most liberal girls don’t want to be treated any differently and prefer paying their own bills too. Since girls (at least in the schools my sons go to) are in every way similar to them, come from similar affluence and are perhaps even more competitive, boys are very confused when girls are treated with kids’ gloves, and they are given preferential treatment . As a matter of fact, I was surprised to hear that in one of the class debates, the girls had accused boys (and their ilk) of being selfish, mean and anti-women. Clearly, that does still happen in society. But blanket statements like these only achieve in annoying an entire gender which may not be at fault.
Are we alienating boys or stereotyping them due to the attitude of their predecessors?
Finally, studies have proven that boys at younger ages have the problem of inattention and of being less organized and focused. With co-education, often this problem is not addressed. Assignments catering to their strengths are not given very often, as those topics are considered geeky and obtuse. What is with such a skewed emphasis on Arts and Crafts assignments in school anyway? I can tell you that both my boys are equally bad at them. And the onus of doing their projects falls on me not that I dig craft.
There is a dearth of male focused methodology of teaching and assignments.
These last lines by Christina Hoff Sommers sum up my feelings aptly.
“I became a feminist in the 1970s because I did not appreciate male chauvinism. I still don’t. But the proper corrective to chauvinism is not to reverse it and practice it against males, but rather basic fairness. And fairness today requires us to address the serious educational deficits of boys and young men. The rise of women, however long overdue, does not require the fall of men.”
This is a not a boys vs girls debate. The intent of this post is to highlight challenges boys currently face in our education system as well as in the attitude of educators that may often not be noticed.
I agree that discrimination on any grounds is bad! Definitely at the school level, it is uncalled for. We are bringing up human beings. TIme to behave that way instead of partial treatment being meted out. I hope the powers that be are listening. I would not want my child favoured at any point of time. I am all for just and equal treatment.
I agree. I know you wouldn’t. The problem is that most educators don’t think that there is a problem. I have taken it many times to the teachers, some of whom just treat boys with disdain labeling them troublemakers or mischievous (most times as a general stereotype). This is damaging to the psyche of boys. It is most unfortunate that this is happening and no one even notices it.
gender bias is there across globe,when you ask women to support fair treatment,most of girls/women think that you are bad.they ask for fair treatment only for situations/circumstances that suits them.women never evolved psychologically with the same pace as men so the mindsets of both genders remain unbalanced.
when it comes to my school days,i studied at one of best cbse schools with 28 acre campus inspired by tagore’s santiniketan,there were teachers who did favour to girls,there were teachers who treated students according to merit.you will find same personalities that exist in society in school too.some are ideal,some are flirts and discriminatory.you will find all kinds of discrimination at school,my school was day cum residential ,so they never wanted a dayscholar as cricket team captain and all the hosteler guys used to underperform under dayscholar captaincy.its not about skill,lot of politics.a guy who is brilliant in maths gets more marks in viva-voce science practical exam though he is not good at science subject coz the external invigilator during board practical exams is principal of my school who has got major in maths.physical directors are really tyrants,they behave like isis militants in the name of discipline. i was never subjected to punishment by pd coz i had good image from my kindergarten days.
in the end, there were some teachers who are inspiring and encouraging without any bias. i still remember thomas varghees ,my english cum class teacher who revolutionised concept of learning and team work.social sciences teacher was so committed,he always made me feel million bucks coz i scored 100/100 in social sciences. i had science teacher selma james and a guy from navodaya, pune,they taught us understanding and self-learning as core motive of education.they never believed in mugging up lessons and producing same during semester exams.in the end,my telugu teacher,this guy had tears in his eyes when he punished me for the first time.i told truth when everyone was escaping by lying about an assignment.he had tears coz he did punish me for misunderstanding me and due to communication lapse. i had lots of teachers from lkg to 10nth grade,these five to six teachers were genuine so i thought of sharing to tell that there are teachers who are ideal.
Yes, schools are like the society. There are all kinds of people. Here I am trying to point out that perhaps without realizing a lot of biases against boys have creeped in.
Is reverse sexism on the rise because we have so many women these days who play the victim card? I don’t think it’s not going get better once they are in college and start working. The guilt factor will always be used to extract leverage.
Yes, it is possible, Purba. It is putting an entire generation of boys through angst and even altering the sensitive and generous streaks in some of them as they are forced to be aggressive and violent to blend in with the stereotypes.
Your questions are all perfectly framed but I liked the last one about stereotyping boys based on the behaviour of their gender to be the most pertinent. Because society is doing it all the time. And as Purba has pointed out, it is not going to get better in college and will get worse in later life. It is simply prejudice that gets out of control, because if it is a female teacher, she is trying on an individual level to right some wrong done by the male species (in the most misguided manner) and if it is a male teacher, he is trying to prove that he is being good to the girls vis-a-vis boys. I began asking this question a long time ago and am glad that someone of your generation has begun doing it. And, let me emphasise that stereotyping of any kind is bad. Period.
It bothers me a lot. Often kids come to us with these instances, and they are growing exponentially. I do discuss it with the teachers at the PTI but they seem quite unconcerned about it. It is as if the opinion of the boys don’t matter. And this is when the elder one has a great reputation in class and teachers adore him. Yet, these instances are brushed aside as being minor. It is so confusing to the kids because on one hand, we want them to treat women equally and on the other, they are supposed to just ignore these unfair behaviors. Yes, perhaps your assessment of the male and female teachers is correct. Whatever it is, I don’t think the education system in India is even taking cognizance of this fact, let alone do something about it.
The teachers need to be unbiased so that the students, both male & female, can be raised in an environment which is not skewed due to gender…And then of-course , there certainly are some girls who play the victim card…And like a few rotten eggs from the fraternity of males leads to blanket statements against males as a whole, a few rotten eggs on our side too lead to such beliefs that women have it easy..It’s sad to see that teachers are discriminating…and what do I say about our curriculum, sometimes I think it needs a major overhaul…And I agree rise of women doesn’t have to be fall of men, I just hope the teachers atleast understood this…After all they are responsible for the future generation of our society
I hope so too, Naba. What our schools lack is regular teacher training. You will be shocked to hear how many teachers lament that they are no longer allowed to hit kids. Yet, I know of PT teachers who punch, hit and twist ears (all for boys). It is ridiculous how ill-equipped emotionally some of our educators are.
Be it boys or girls, discrimination is bad! The case rests there. I remember my NCC days when we girls used to fight it out with the sun to complete our march past parade. There was no bias but then why has the bias come in now? Has the definition of feminism been so skewed that it has actually started progressing in the reverse direction? When boys at such a young age are shown the gender discrimination, the ideas that we plant in their minds is clearly not about equality.
I completely agree, Keirthana. The thing is that sometimes when you know that you can get away by not doing something, you may take that route. Earlier while I don’t remember girls bullying boys or cussing, it is fairly common now. In every which way, girls have become similar to boys in behavior yet many expect to be given special privileges by the virtue of being a girl. This is quite disturbing.
It is precisely incidents like these and attitudes of school teachers and others like these that end up in men having a particularly nasty disposition towards girls and women in general, and which, in the worst of cases ends up in boys developing a male chauvinistic attitude without too much conscious effort from their side.
Quite sad to see that educated ‘educators’ like these themselves allow such discriminatory behavior to take root within themselves and their students which invariably leads to skewed social behavior and at times deviant behavior as well on the part of these young minds.
You make some very valid points, Jairam. I am afraid that this discrimination could strengthen the gender divide and even create animosity among the genders.
The points raised in your post are all very valid. And in a way I think what you say here is precisely why any progressive social reform movement can go only so far before it begins to reverse itself and bring out a counter-regressive tendency on the forefront. Maybe it has to do with the imperfection of our mental understanding of what true equality means in society. Maybe it has to do with the divisive nature of our minds and behaviour — this vs that, boys vs girls, men vs women. We seem to have forgotten how to bring “AND” into our patterns of thinking, doing and being. Maybe we never really learnt it. The quote you share at the end is very appropriate.
I can totally imagine how frustrating and prejudicial it must feel to the boys in situations like this. Hope there is a way parents can talk to the teachers and administrators in the school about some of these observations.
I was waiting for your comments on this, Beloo, considering your teaching experience. Yes, this vs attitude is sure taking a toll. When I hear my kids speak about girls being this or that, I feel very perplexed because it should not be that way. Why should they be made to react and think en bloc?
I have time and again, brought the issues to the notice of the teachers and the Principal. Most times, they just feel that the parent is overreacting. Some of them feel that the boys should ‘man’ up. One does hit a wall sometimes with deep-seated prejudices and stereotypes.
I think it is in our DNA and we all do this gender bias, and the one who says they dont is a liar. simple things like of let the boy do that or go on give hand to your sis over this .. I find that bias .. one would not say it the other way round.
boys are supposed to be touch WHY.. they are human too nad have a heart and have emotions .. but we try to block that a lot of times
good points as always mam 🙂
Bikram’s
Thanks, Bikram. Luckily, our children are asking the Why. We, in our generation, just tolerated it. It is really sad though. Yes, I have a problem too with that thinking.
Valid points and I agree. Boys find it tough, even the boys toilets are not clean enough. It is as if you have to ‘man’ it up for everything.
Thanks, Janu. Pretty weird how we start treating our men shoddily right from school onwards and yet expect them to be sensitive and generous.
Hi Madam,
Very unique article you have chosen understanding the real problems face by the of boys in the schools, actually this types of discrimination boys not only faces only in the school but also in every where in the society.
Thanks, Sanjay.
Great article. It echoes the similar sentiment that was in Emma Watson’s speech at the UN. The society does interpret feminism as being anti-men.
As far as schools are concerned, with no personal experience in parenting, I find it wrong. But I think the reason is the underlying misinterpretation of feminism. May be the parents of the girl children pressurize the teachers and the management to be so soft with them. Or , even worse, may be the management punishes the teachers more severely if a complaint like this comes from a girl child.
It’s a vicious cycle !
What I think is that over the years, teachers have gone soft on girls considering that girls have been considered to be lesser and under privileged than boys. That is the reason why we still need initiatives like “Beti bachao beti padhao’. But the years of conditioning and stereotyping of boys in now leading to set methods of teaching, curriculum and attitudes of the teachers. Girls these days are pretty much equal to the boys in ambition, verbal aggression or whatever else. Also, we can’t really promote equality when we see girls getting special favors. Yes, it is a multi-dimensional issue that involves parents, teachers and society. Nice to have you here. Prateek.
-ism, schism…
discord of bias/prejudice … on our psyche. The middle path though demanding, is soothing…
Yes, indeed.
Example, chauvinism can be sensed as missing / uncalledfor.
Equal versus Same.
In urban nuclear family, Do kids see parents as equal at home? what is the sameness they see? Answers to these can help understand kids and develop a fair viewpoint in them, no?
Fair point. But here I am not talking about kids’ perceptions or what they think about genders. I am speaking about a system in school that systematically alienates boys from girls and tips them towards forming a bias towards each other. I can try and correct situations at home, but I can do nothing about what the education system teaches them.
The churnings they undergo, and where will their psyche end up, is your concern. Yes, the grim possibility of a bias getting seeded, and your eagerness to prevent that, is obvious Rachna ji. May you succeed. A child that shuns the urge to develop a bias, is an asset, if that motivates you to keep trying against the odds in the system!
I recollect reading some articles by parents , who were in situations similar to yours, but am unable to find it. (addresses the “I really had no answer to that.” in your post).
Prevalent practices in school – All I can say is that Schools are factories, which stems(stops) most , most often!
Most teachers themselves are hapless and helpless. Also I recollect from school days, each teacher is different. Am sure by now you would have raised your concern about the ineffectiveness of methods due to lack of fairness in Parent Teacher Interactions. And, I hope you did not get a we know better than you response from teachers/school!
One thing that I did notice in preschool is that girls were encouraged to play dress up and with dolls while the teachers specifically pointed out the Legos to boys during that time. Gender bias definitely exists consciously or unconsciously. I can see how easy it is to be rougher with boys and then tell them to ‘man up’ if they show signs of tears! How unfair!!
Exactly, Rosh. I guess all of us are endorsing the pre-conceived biases towards gender. But when it becomes unfair at school and boys feel that they are not even being heard, it leads to devastating results. This ‘man up’ thing is tossed so often at boys. It makes me wonder if we have all decided that they don’t need to feel hurt and not even express dissent.
Hi Rachna,Like the topic ,have a girl & boy ,now both starting office life.The issue today, is that in my younger days ,it was male role to protect & female to be homemaker,so one had kind view ,offering seats,opening doors & ladies first concepts.
Now my kids are each others competitors in career,often most diff at home on holiday as all want to relax,and in day to day why my son asks should he give a seat in metro to another same age girl,both are doing the same job,same in office.My daughter faces reverse prob,boys don’t listen just because I am a girl.
How does patronizing and good behavior translate in highly competitive career or education is the dilemma.Today I feel that women tears and looks work as men are still in older mindset,and in senior positions,but as women gain seniority the issues will be more pronounced.
Some serious thought is needed in visualizing unisex lifestyle for future ,that takes into account the basic gender differnces.
Yes, it must have started out that way. Also, back in those days, women had to be treated differently because so few of them got the opportunities to study and work. They had to be protected from any biases. But now the situation has changes. Thank you for sharing the experiences of both your boy and girl. I agree, there needs to be an overhaul of our teaching methodology, syllabus and attitudes in order to allow both genders to thrive.
Apart from teachers, it’s important for parents to regularly speak to boys and make them comfortable about sharing their thoughts…
We boys are taught not to display our emotions much. Also, family members believe that we will be okay. I remember a particular instance when our family was going through a tough phase when I was a child and my parents only took care of my sister thinking I would be okay. People only lectured me on how I should be strong for everyone without asking how I was feeling. Hell, they still believe I was okay when it actually changed my life completely.
I believe that not encouraging boys to speak their minds and addressing their fears or misconceptions is a major cause of men turning out to be criminals. We need a paradigm shift not just in the environment around us, but the environment within us.
Vishal, I agree. As a matter of fact, in my home, my sons speak very openly with me. It is encouraged that they share their tales, emotions and fears. They are also initiated into housework and just about any work that is there in the house. But, I remember there were relatives who would baulk at my elder son crying or being too sensitive according to them. They constantly commented that he needed to man up which got my goat. Yes, the society can be so cruel, really. Thanks for sharing your experience. Indeed, how terrible for a little boy that no one addressed his loss. I wonder when this thinking would evolve. Girls are thought of to be needing more care. And when this translates into repetitive behavior where boys are neglected, it forces them to clam up and become aggressive. Yes, it could lead to deviant behavior as well. I really wish the educators would understand it and also the parents.
Yes, yes and yes again 🙂 Any differential treatment, the whys of which cannot be readily understood, perpetuates a ‘We vs Them’ attitude and freezes the gender divide in place. In my infrequent posts on the subject of gender bias, I have tried to highlight the very fact that Feminism should not and need not mean a reversing of the inequality that currently exists AND that painting the entire gender black because of the misdeeds of a few OR historical misdeeds is not merely unfair but counter-productive. I have always known that you were even-handed in your views and, in this post, you have outlined the same points very well indeed. Kudos, Rachna!
Very aptly summed up, Suresh. Thanks a lot for your appreciation. I don’t know why so many adults also make it is a vs issue. Men and women complement each other. And no society can progress by suppressing or invalidating any one of them. It is tragic how this reverse discrimination is playing out today. And, no one really seems too bothered about it either.
A very penetrating and inclusive post Rachna.The teachers seem to be forgetting that boys too are sensitive.They can also perceive differential treatment and be hurt by it.
Thanks, Indu. It is very sad.
Of course there is gender bias and its there all around us.
It’s not about educational institutions.If you notice, it is obvious even at home,hence parents must also be more practical and objective.
This is a gender bias of a different type, Chowlaji. It is aimed at boys and no one seems to care.
I wish his teachers read this post more than any one of us. I truly wish so. I can completely understand and empathise with you. May be it happens here too…R doesn’t inform me much about it. But, he hates it when they tell him”Be a genteleman”..”Ladies first” and stuff like that. I don’t know a nicer way to explain things to him. I don’t understand why special privileges to girls..I mean you are sick or something, that’s fine. Other wise, why? And again people scream for gender equality…all BS. When I grew up, I don’t remember any teacher doing any favors to me. Our principal always made sure students who weren’t in proper uniforms or talking in class kneel down outside the class. (I was one among them). or may be I didn’t know how to get things done my way with sympathy.
Yes, same here, Latha. Don’t remember any special favors that were doled out to girls when we were in schools. Maybe, teachers have been too mild with them. And some of them end up taking advantage. Of course, it must be a few who spoil the name of others.
Hi Rachna
Your article is truly thought provoking.
I am experienced myself similar situation, not in school but at my previous workplace.
Being the only female employee (at a sugar manufacturing plant), i was taken lightly, considered lesser in all aspects in comparison to my male colleagues.
Everyone had a soft corner for me as i was a female, given special care and attention, at times my petty mistakes were overlooked.
It all irritated me. I wanted equal authority to my work. Equal responsibility to my task. but every time i was made to believe, girls are for lighter chores.
Hopefully this mindset of our society changes for good.
Regards
Swati
Thanks for sharing, Swati. You showed another side of this unfair treatment. I hope this mindset changes.
From what I know, there is no such discrimination between boys and girls.May be there is an odd teacher who might practice it.It is possible girls are exempted from strenuous sports activities.
Girls in fact outshine boys in schools and yet in higher schools of learning,they are a smaller percentage.The dice is loaded in favour of boys is my view.
Sorry I could not comment on your posts for long as the update for your blog is not showing in my blog
No, KP Sir. This is the prevalent attitude among teachers these days.
Sadly we live in an imperfect world and such bias exist. I too have a son and wonder how difficult it would be for him to adjust to the double standards he sees everywhere.
Well written Rachna and it needed to be shared.
Thanks.
Thanks, Inderpreet, for reading and the share.
Makes sense. Always a historic evil will cause reversal of roles and cycle goes on. I personally have not experienced much preferential treatment of girls in school. In college, have heard instances of lecherous professors or teaching assisstants favoring girls – I am sure girls themselves do not want that kind of attention.
I guess you will experience it first hand when your son joins school. There is an aggression in girls and educators towards boys and their perceived traits. It is damaging and counter productive.
From my school experience I agree that girls who played the victim card got it easy, but there were tougher girls who competed with boys at equal levels, be it games, studies or science projects. In their innocence, they wanted to be as strong as guys. I believe it all depends on teachers on how they diminish this gender biasing.
Yes, it does depend on teachers and unfortunately some of them are not so neutral in their thinking.
Completely agree Rachna. When we talk about equal rights, I am also concerned about the treatment given to the boys. And yes, I completely agree on the ‘art & craft’ bit.My son sucks at it big time and it all comes down to me 🙁
I hear you, sister. I wonder why it is happening on such a large scale these days.
Visiting your blog for the first time Rachna. I must say you have outlined the gender issue in a wonderful manner. You have carefully carved out the essential without falling into the trap of girls vs boys debate.
I really love your point on incorporating a violent image in boys to portray a macho image. You are right that when girls form a general opinion about all the boys in the beginning, it creates a loophole. We need to strip off all traditional images and allow everybody to look things from their point of view.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Thank you so much, Yatin. Glad you found the post relevant and valid.
Rachna I am so glad I read it. It is just so confusing, I was questioning myself if I am reading too much into everything. My son has started questioning things and he gets so much contradictory responses from everywhere. It gets difficult to explain things to him. Atleast I know I am not wrong. Thanks Rachna!
I can understand, Sfurti. Somehow, in our motivation to do better for the girl child we are leaving the boys confused and alienated.