Today I have the pleasure of hosting C.Suresh of Life is Like This fame on my space. A self-professed bachelor who excels at self-deprecating humor, Suresh can make the most mundane of happenings seem fun and interesting. He is a versatile blogger who can pen sensitive stories, innovative contest posts and his trademark posts with equal elan. An immensely popular blogger and a published author, Suresh’s blog has something for everyone. Let’s see what he pulls out of his hat for us today!
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In defense of men!
“They come to temples on purpose to rub themselves against women”, said a caustic voice to me in the crowded confines of the Minakshi temple in Madurai. Looking at the 70-year-old crone who was accusing me, I was torn between anger at the slur on my character and anger at the slur on my taste. Before I could find my tongue, she had eeled forward into the crowd, and I heard her voice saying the same thing again at someone else.
Quite probably she used it all the way to get near the sanctum sanctorum. That reminded me of my bus journeys where women had the least compunction about occupying one entire seat each to themselves in the reserved sections while men stood around cheek-by-jowl in Tamil Nadu buses.
“Aha!” you say to yourselves. One more male chauvinist spouting tired old arguments about women falsely accusing men. Now, that was not the point of the exercise here. The point is simply that, whatever planetary differences exist between men and women, there is no difference when it comes to milking the privileges that the social order gives them. If you truly believe that, if Society were matriarchal, women would treat men any better than the bees and ants treat their males, I would advise a hasty retreat from here to avoid serious damage to your circulatory system.
“That’s fine. But the social order grants almost all the privileges to men” is probably what those of you who are still around – if any – are saying. Really? I am afraid that such is not the case. This patriarchal system of ours is not entirely a bed of roses for men either. I am here to personally shed anguished tears at how this system is unjust to men.
The sheer injustice of the social order was drilled into me at school. I was interested in learning music but the budget apparently extended only to one person indulging in the arts. Needless to say it was considered unnecessary for a boy to be learning music whereas the girl needed it. So, my sister got allotted the budget. I still blame the social order for the cacophony that emits from my mouth every time I raise my voice in song.
Ever seen the movies of the eighties and checked on the stock figures of fun? One of the more prominent of them is the man who does the household work – and, somehow, the depiction is always around his washing his wife’s sari. Just imagine the men of those days – with working wives – who had chosen to help out their spouses around the home. Instead of lolling around in the sofa reading the newspaper and waiting for his wife to get him his coffee and get started on making dinner, the chap opts to do some work around the home …. and earns the contempt of Society at large. The woman may also have earned the contempt at the same time but, at least, she got some surcease from her labors. Tell me – don’t these guys who sacrificed their society-granted privileges (unjust, yes, but still) and still earned only social contempt deserve the applause of all womankind? (Do you say that they did it only because they were unable to refuse their wives or because they needed the wife’s salary? There you go dubbing these men as weaklings much like Society did!)
Take this thing about chastity being applied exclusively to women. Men have a gala time chasing skirts and women are perforce in a sort of purdah – so, all roses for the men, right? When a husband is a known Casanova, all the women cluster around the wronged wife with consolation and sympathy. What if it were a man whose wife cheated on him? Do his folks – men or women – give him a shoulder to cry on and drip sympathy all over his shirt? Not that I can notice. The poor man is a figure of fun – that is all – with some even casting aspersions about his manhood. (And, pray, will someone let me know why this one thing is called manhood?) No wonder men start obsessing about the chastity of their wives. Were it a mere matter of the woman sleeping around it would be one thing but the poor chap has to also become a sort of social pariah or the butt of all jokes.
That, of course, is a mere hypothetical problem for me. What affected me the most was that I could not opt to avoid work. You have no idea how I burned at the injustice of the fact that women could choose not to work while a man who so chooses is labeled a wastrel and treated with contempt. I am single, unemployed and self-sufficient. The people in my life may view it with mild surprise and some may even have contempt for me. Were I to marry a working woman today almost overnight I would be another stock figure of fun – the man who lives off his wife’s earnings – and the object of almost universal contempt. And I am supposed to feel a part of the privileged sex in the current Social order?
Forget about avoiding work totally. A man married to a woman who is around the same level as his in the corporate hierarchy gets involved simultaneously in two rat races. Every time his wife comes home joyously announcing a promotion his heart sinks like a stone instead of sharing her joy. What if her salary had gone beyond his? Even if she does not offer helpful comments like, “You need to network better in office “ and the like, he still has to face a world where even people earning a tenth of what he does somehow feel he is a loser. Thus, in addition to the rat race he runs in office, he also needs to run a race to keep at least marginally ahead of his wife. That is like having a foot each on two treadmills running at different speeds and still keeping your balance.
So, then, these chaps who are willing to put themselves up for social contempt in the cause of a just treatment to women should be, at least, getting applause from women, right? I cannot see evidence of it. I mean, where is the piece where any woman says, “You men – except Ashok who cooks dinner daily and Salim who looks after the kids – have been maltreating women all this while…?” How does it feel to Vishal, who knocks on the door before he enters his wife’s bedroom, to read, “You rape us, you molest us….?” Were it said of any other class of people by any other class of people – under similar circumstances – it would have been called racism or some such thing – but is acceptable when it comes to the ‘Battle of the sexes.’
Now that I have conclusively proved – to my satisfaction – that men suffer as much as women in the current social order, am I suggesting that the social order may as well continue as it is? Not at all! I am only expressing my worry that, as and when women win their point and get their injustices redressed, the injustices against men perpetrated by this same social order may still continue. No man can get an audience to put forth these points – except as a stand-up comedian.
So, will the women please add these injustices against men also to their agenda while they are fighting their cause? I know I have not been extremely diplomatic in putting up my plea but please do not take it out on all males!
Pic courtesy: Freedigitalphotos.net
Priceless!
Though, for your own protection, how I wish you had let you wife vet the essay before releasing it for publishing. Oh wait…
No wife to hear – but sister…shucks, I forgot about her 🙂
Suresh I think Rickie has a valid point here 😛
I AM single Vinita! No wife to fear 🙂
Thank you Rachna for inviting Mr.Suresh to give his opinion about how men feel that they are the ‘poor souls’ as compared to women. Suresh, dont worry, I am in full agreement with you. I have expressed similar views in my post ‘Why not mens’ day? posted in Jan.2013. I do agree that men must get some ‘breathing space’.Kindly go through my blog, when you are free.
Yeah! We need a Men’s day so that all us men can get together and write anguished posts bashing women for all the injustices they heap on men 🙂 Where is the person in the world who does not feel that he is ill-done by others 🙂
But, seriously, the issue is that the behavior of men is also conditioned by Society and when a man does things that lose him social respect in a quest to make his behavior more just to women, he is a rara avis. A man who does not may not necessarily be reveling in his power over women but may only be finding it difficult to fly in the face of Society.
If you think Women shall find it easier to give up privileges, just check the behavior of the average mother-in-law. She has reached the stage where this unjust patriarchal Society grants her more privileges and her quest for equality for women does not extend to her daughter-in-laws.
Now I know you don’t think so, Usha! Could have saved my words for someone else 🙂
I agree. I am a woman who thinks that women have had a bad deal, mostly. But I do think that this men-bashing has gone way out of line. Most men I have met are decent human beings, and quite confused and on the defensive in the face of this rabid feminism. It takes guts to write this … kudos to you
I agree about that fact – that women have had a bad deal, Ritu! But the fact that seems ignored is that both sexes are prisoners of stereotypes set by Society. And, crimes like rape and molestation are committed by criminals and all of law-abiding society should be against such crimes. To say a rape can only be committed by a man is one thing – to say if you are a man you are a rapist is another. That is what irritated me about the posts that came around this time.
You know what you’d be toured around and shown when you go to Israel? Holocaust memorials and sagas of people who have always been ill-treated; noever the triumphs of the race. I would say no more otherwise you know what would happen… 🙂 Nice read Suresh.
Quite! For me it was one thing to feel anguished that women in this country were being treated so badly but quite another to take the onus of that crime on my head merely because I am a man.
The battle of the sexes is pretty much turning out to be like the reservation system. Either ways, one party is favoured. What we need is a world without bias or reservations, whether it is based on creed, colour, religion, caste or gender, and that would perhaps take some sort of miracle to make it happen!
That is the one constant in the world. Any under-privileged class only wants to exchange places – not strive for equality 🙂 And that cuts across all types of social stratification. 🙂
Good one Suresh. Well spoken on behalf of all men. And that is till the tip of the iceberg, to say nothing of other things stereotypes men are expected to adhere to – to drive, to be good at making investments, have interest in sports etc. etc.
Ah! TF! When I conceived of this piece I had so many ideas jostling for space. Thing is I was sure that Rachna did not want to carry a PhD thesis on her blog 🙂
You are nominated for Shauryavir Chakra and several other bravery awards.
It has become a taboo to point any shortcoming when it comes to minorities, SC/ ST or women.Ask Nandy. As you rightly say, we know how to milk the system for our one advantage. After all we are humans. Delightful read.
Alka! While I modestly accept that award, how about one for Rachna as well for carrying this piece on her blog? 🙂 And, all of you who have courageously chosen to express your appreciation of the piece?
I need to finish my post before more brilliant posts on this topic come out. First Giribala and now you! I too have one lying in my drafts about the disadvantages of being a guy.
I completely agree with you. It is not easy for us. How I would give anything to be a house-husband but the stigma my family will carry will be too big a burden.
How I wish I had known you were about to write on this topic, Amit! I’d have shifted to writing about my travails in knotting up my shoe-laces or something and avoided being shown up 🙂
Haha! And you would have done a wonderful job at that as well. 🙂
Loved this one and alredy waiting for Amit’s post! Let me see if I can persuade Rickie to write as well 😛
haha Suresh. First, it is a pleasure to have you here in my space. Thank you for such a nice and bold write up. And the point you are making is so valid. We all are hurt by stereotypes. Though women have had it bad more often, that does not make any man’s agony any less. Rabidity and intolerance is hurting us bad. This is a befitting post that follows the one I wrote on men and their importance in our lives :). *Runs away and hides before the brickbats come your way*
It is an honor and a pleasure to be here Rachna! I am only making the point that while women are trying to break out of the stereotype in order to gain the privileges unjustly withheld by Society, the men who are breaking the stereotype are doing so in order to surrender privileges given to them in the interest of fairness. While both face social opposition, women have much to gain whereas men have much to lose – so, the ones who nonetheless act fair need more appreciation than I can see in evidence.
I agree and I hope each one of us makes that extra effort to acknowledge it.
Three of you writing on this would complete the Trilogy!
Hmm! I will wait for Amit to complete then 🙂
I agree that stereotyping is very harmful but again Suresh..men have been the privileged lot for many centuries and I would say it is very recently that men have to bear such atyachar.
I am not with people who stereotype men into slots, my husband’s uncle has been a house husband for decades now and our whole family is very supportive. We do not find anything odd or weird about it. Rather it never ever struck me before, till I read your post.
I believe that the man who helps his wife is stereotyped by both men and women in the society, it is just not the women. The society as a whole needs to change its mindset about both men and women.
I am afraid that I have failed to communicate what I intended to do -at least to you if not to everyone. My first point is that – Society being the way it is – quite a few attitudes that men have they find difficult to change not always because they are reluctant to accept the logic that women postulate but because adopting the changed attitudes would lose them Social respect – which may result in estrangement from family and friends. Thus, at the individual level, a man who actually adopts the change needs to show more courage than women seem to give men credit for.
The atyachar I talk of is not recent, any more than the atyachar on women was non-existent for as long as it was not being talked about. Men always needed to worry about losing social respect if their wives were seen to be unchaste; always had no choice about going to work; always were looked down upon if they wanted to take up dance, say. Your family may be an exception but it most certainly does not count as the rule – any more than the existence of a Sarojini Naidu proved women equality of her times.
When did I ever say that the stereotyping was by women? I was only pointing out that Society looked down upon the men who tried to provide a more equitable space to their women and that sets up resistance in men far more than just the additional burden of responsibility would. What I was pointing out was that Women who fight for their rights do not seem to acknowledge the fact that such men do exist despite those difficulties in their way.
The fact that you mention that ‘it never struck you before’ is precisely the reason why I felt the need to voice all this. In fact, I still see that the very women who want an equitable sharing of their responsibilities do not seem to even recognize the need for equality in what is seen as a man’s responsibilities. Like, I have seen women get terribly worked up when even a helpful husband ends up acting as though the final responsibility of household work is hers but, comes a financial crisis and even if she is coeval at work, it appears perfectly all right to try her best and then throw up her hands and leave the final responsibility on him. And where she does have to field it all, it is because the ‘poor’ girl is saddled with this ‘incompetent’ husband.
While for Society at large the primary battle is for more rights and safety to women, at the individual level a lot more empathy is needed for the deserving male!
My bad Suresh…I mistook the tone of your post. Thanks for clarifying.
Not at all Vinita! It is for the writer to be clear in what he is saying and if he has failed he ought to thank the reader for giving him an opportunity to clarify.
Suresh said in humor-it sounds great;but these are small pin-pricks compared to women’s woes.
Indu! The idea was to communicate why men also find it difficult to change. But let me please ask you to consider one thing. I said that the onus of making a living is on the man. Now consider a poor rural household finding it difficult to have one square meal a day. Which is the more difficult task there – the bringing of the foodstuff home or the converting of the food-stuff to edible food on the table?
The prism through which women view the issue is that of relative lack of power and the consequent control over their lives exercised by others. It must be remembered that the higher privileges were, at least in theory, balanced by higher responsibility too. And, the burden of the responsibility falls differently in different strata of Society. It is easy to see our own woes as far higher than the other person’s but value judgments always rest on shifty grounds.
Am I arguing that the current Society or Society in the past was fair and just to women? NO! But you, of all people, ought to know that underestimating the problems of the other offers no way forward for a solution. When you seek to redress the balance of power – as indeed you should – seek also to balance the responsibilities. When you seek men to break out of their stereotypes, know exactly the consequences to them of what you are asking so that you can understand why some things are difficult for them and some easy. When you see the men around you change do not be dismissive of their efforts as being ‘only what is natural’.
Now that you explain in detail, it does make sense. But don’t you see that the stereotypes also allow the man to take the easier way out many times. Let me explain. Let us take the case of our maids or helpers. Most of these women earn as much as they can to contribute equally and sometimes more to put the bacon on the table. Yet they get no respite from household chores or other womanly activities of running the household. A man will not chip in there because those are tedious monotonous chores that no one likes to do. And, even among our strata, if a man and woman work equally and earn equally (hypothetically), it is still a woman’s prerogative to do household chores and run the house and raise the kids. Most men will not chip substantially or will do very little because it is a woman’s job. Also, a woman though she may not want to, has to take sabbaticals to have kids and raise them. What choice does she have unless she has a partner who says that he is willing to help equally with every chore in the house. I am yet to come across a single man who works that way. In all likelihood, he and society will say, give up your job if you cannot handle all the responsibilities. About relative power sharing I do agree with what you say.
Actually Rachna, you did not need to explain at all 🙂 I was starting from the basic premise that women were being treated unjustly and was only trying to highlight where the injustice was being seen as darker than it really was 🙂
I beg to differ with you Suresh for these views as no matter what the fair sex are , they are more rationale, less judgemental and full of empathy. Women deserve to be offered seats, allowed to eat first at least in parties , and all basic courtesies extended no matter how hard you may have been rubbed by some of them!
I’d love to see a smiley if you mean this in fun. I am dumb that way 🙂
Hahaha….on who ever you have written it, it brought many smiles 🙂 However, your voice speaks for all the men out there 🙂 Kudos to you!! I agree, men have their share of woes too..As Rachna said, your posts fits in right after her’s. 🙂
Thanks, Latha! I thought this had become too serious – the discussion after the post certainly has. Good to know I have not entirely lost my reputation as a humorist! 🙂
Loved reading this. It is indeed a toss up, and as a woman, I have to admit, that I’ve been quick to blame men in the past myself. R
Not exactly a toss-up! Society denies more choices and power to women than men. I only intended pointing out that the resistance to change in men is not entirely internal. Plus, of course, that those men who do change undergo more trouble than they are credited with.
Suresh jee , what a write up. Bang on. I think it is the first post, I read in defense of men. Great Work Sir.
And I think you should start this trend and continue to write on this.
Ahem! I would entirely lose my reputation as a humorist then!
Suresh ji, thanks so much for this post!! Indeed, it’s the equilvant of what white people may be feeling in the US nowadays!!:D They are very careful and paranoid about anything they say regarding color, and are blacklisted even if they were actually talking about something quite out of context! So, I can now imagine men treading very carefully and thinking twice about saying anything about the female gender!! LOL!!
And they say Fools rush in where Angels fear to tread 🙂 Which is why I seem to have rushed in 🙂
Loved it Suresh ! Part serious and part funny, more due to the language. This is something I have often heard from my husband on the injustices meted out to men by our societal strictures. In the whole gender stereotyping thing, for every woman who gets stereotyped there is also a man who might have different interests than what the society expects him to have.
Lovely piece of writing !
Thanks Ash! Up to now I have only one lone reader who – unless he was joking – seems to have read the first couple of paragraphs and decided to inform the fairer sex that not all men were depraved male chauvinists like this C. Suresh, whom Rachna Parmar has somehow allowed to play havoc in her blog 🙂
Great to know that I have struck a chord with the ladies and can now dispense with my plans for a bomb shelter 🙂
A wonderful read Suresh.. The men everywhere must be thanking you for taking up the cause 🙂
Thanks, Jas! Truth be told I think both sexes should be thanking me for serving this noble cause of bringing better understanding between Mars and Venus 🙂
I am almost afraid to comment here. My status update on this woman’s day, was that ” I don’t want to be treated special today, I want to be treated like a normal person everyday”. This is exactly the same thing you are saying. No SPECIAL treatment with eyes and hands needed at all! I wouldn’t mind standing in a bus then. 🙂
I liked your update. Resonates with me completely.. in fact was planning to write a post on the same 🙂
Thank you themoonstone. I would love to read the post soon then. 🙂
Correct! My opening was only intended to point out that both sexes try to maximize the benefits of the privileges and what equality for women means is a surrender of some privileges by men – and surrendering any privilege is difficult for both sexes. I do realize that the privileges that are being extended, specifically in public transport, are because there are still a lot of men who do molest women in public. Which is why even my initial write-up was not about why they had the reserved seats but how they used it 🙂
Ok Suresh, you had your say. Agree men suffer from prejudice and from the way social systems order them and that masculinity is as much under the grips of patriarchy as femininity is. It was good to hear it–as blunt as you have put it and I acknowledge the same.
But you left a bitter-after taste by jumping into the conclusion–men suffer “as much as” women do. Nope, for all the truth that you have laid out, I am not letting you escape with that phrase. Sexism is a system of domination by which a certain gender has access to power and resources and deprives the other from an easy access in a similar manner. What you talk of is prejudice and I heartily agree. But thats where it ends.
The problem is that you seem to put your sense of humor to sleep when it comes to this issue, Bhavana 🙂 I preceded that statement about ‘…as much as…’ with ‘ – to my satisfaction – ‘ specifically to indicate that this was meant in fun. I had no intention of ‘getting away with it’ 🙂 Maybe the taste would be less bitter if you consider it a parody of what a self-centered man would say – which is how I intended it – as a parody.
When it comes to the phrases that resonate of social knowledge I can come nowhere near you and I shall not even try 🙂 All i can say is that when you talk of ‘..a certain gender has access to power and resources..’ etc. it seems like all men have equal access to all resources and feel powerful. When Marx says the same about the upper vs. lower classes it sounds like all the Upper class – men and women – have access to resources and power and the lower class does not. So, when I hear you I lean to thinking that even the upper class woman has lesser resources and power than the lower class man and, if I hear Marx, she is more powerful and, as far as Marx is concerned, as powerful as the upper class male. That is the problem with all rhetoric.
That is not to say that it is not true that women have been shabbily treated all along and there is serious need for redressing that imbalance. The problem with blinding rhetoric that places all men as powerful is that there is no attempt to empathize with them in their problems dealing with Society. Since when have those who saw the others as powerful consider even the possibility that the others may have problems?
This piece was intended only to indicate that men, too, feel powerless in the hands of societal stereotypes and, thus, if they resist change it may not be purely because they like the idea of lording it over the women. When you say all those rolling phrases about the power of gender it obscures the fact that most of the ‘mango people’ do not feel powerful at all and are – at least to an extent – victims of social stereotypes rather than necessarily the ones who actively cement them in place.
My argument has NOT been against the idea that women have always been less privileged nor the need for a change towards a more just Society. My argument is against the idea that all men have the power to change the situation and are unwilling to do so.
Humour is a dangerous thing Suresh. We use it in interesting ways-sometimes to make certain things palatable and acceptable and ok and part of common discourse. Which is why I always watch out.
Nope, I still stand my ground. You do not quote Marx without reading how he understood women. As far as he was concerned, while critical consciousness of owning goods is concerned, women still had to be in charge of their families and children. In fact he explicitly states that women ought to take care of domesticity–and of course that according to him was never labour. It was the later feminists who fought this erasure–Bonnie Kreps for example and spoke about it as unpaid labour. As far as upper class women are concerned, unless they are fully independent–read that as not married and not living with family–they do not have “access”–access being the key word here. Women in upper classes have lesser mobilty, lesser protection, and in greater pain of self-security because of the demands of the class. In comparison, depressed classes of women in india have greater access to resources–they can go to work, throw their drunk husbands to the streets, take up a new lover, choose their new dwelling. But they pay the price too-of being violated, of being abused, of being exploited, of the constant fear of next day and the responsibility of the kids.
I do not disagree with you one bit on what men go through. In fact I could write a fantastic piece on exactly how men are deprived of freedom and am planning to. I watch guys very carefully.
I only disagree with the “equating of suffering” part.
Agreed humor is a dangerous thing – and nowhere as dangerous as when used in India which most humorists have reason to know. Thankfully, it has not endangered me thus far here till you came on the scene :). I, however, would have thought at least the reply to your and other comments would have clarified that there was no ‘equating the suffering’ intended – so, why belabor the point?
When I talk of Marx, I use him only as the symbol of class struggle and the rhetoric associated with it. His individual opinions are not at issue here. The rhetoric of class struggle would put upper class women to par with upper class men – it does not differentiate on gender – and the sexist rhetoric puts men above women and does not differentiate on class. Which effectively means – to use a reductio ad absurdum – it puts a Nita Ambani below her driver on how powerful she feels.
Paraphrasing your definition of sexism, I’d say that it is one gender intending to retains the power and resources it had cornered and deprive it to the other. By the same token, you can only dub someone as sexist if he acts the way he acts BECAUSE he wants to corner or hold on to that power and resources and deprive it to the other and NOT when he acts the way he acts because he is afraid of social calumny.
I have no difference of opinion about the fact that Sexism is rampant in this world and this country. What I am arguing against is the dubbing of people as sexist on the basis of their actions without going into motives. Why, Men are even called sexist without even differentiating them based on their actions.
One of the major points that women pride themselves on is their higher EQ – which, inter alia, should include empathy. That is what I am invoking when I say that when men find some things difficult to change, understand that the motive is not always sexist. And, in similar circumstances, when some men do change, it actually requires a higher degree of moral character – to stand up to Society – than women give credit for, at least publicly.
Good to know that you intend writing a fantastic piece on the travails of men. I shall look forward to that.
Agree with you Bhavana.
Suresh, men might have their own problems from the society and deep down those who blames men knows this as well!
The problem is with that of the percentage between how much women in India suffer compared to men.(sorry for ignoring my funny bone in here)
I personally feel people will be much happier when they start living for themselves than living to please society. I feel this is good both for men and women. Now considering this option, tell me how easily women in India can live like that and how easliy men can?
Ah! Well! This is probably the twentieth time or so that I am repeating in this very post that I have not being saying that men and women have been treated equally. And this is the last time I am going to reiterate this point that all I am saying is that DO NOT THINK THAT MEN DO NOT CHANGE ONLY BECAUSE THEY LIKE LORDING IT OVER WOMEN. ALSO PLEASE UNDERSTAND THAT A MAN WHO IS WILLING TO FACE SOCIAL CONTEMPT IN ORDER TO ACT FAIRLY WITH WOMEN DESERVES A BIT OF CREDIT.
If suffering of women were to be weighed in terms of crimes, then yes, female gender has had it with such acts. However, as far as societal expectations and stereotypes go – I have to agree with Suresh. I hate it when some men defend the patriarchal setup. And I say that most men are victims too. How can they not see it? A man who’s raised by his mom as a child and continues to stay a child because he always has everything done for him – from his ironing to his laundry, food, everything is as much a victim because he was never taught to be independent. We fight for women to have the choice whether to work or not. I agree. But men should do. If it’s a couple or a family, let them work out how they manage their financials. Yet society frowns upon men who sit at home. But that being said, if the husband is a house husband then he/she should be expected to pick up the duties in and around the house. It has to be about equal division of labour. With married men, even if they wanted to, many men would think a hundred times before they quit and I find that sad. At the end of the day, the society needs to understand that a couple/family is their own unit, how they want to manage is entirely up to them! It’s either equality or reservations. We can’t have both.
Ah! Deepa! That echoes me so perfectly that I am thrilled. The only thing I’d wish to add is that, unfortunately, since we live in a connected world what Society thinks matters to us. Which is why changes in men’s behavior can happen more readily in the privacy of their homes – where only their own inclinations matter – but less readily when those changes will carry into the purview of Society.
This is a very interesting post! Good to hear the story from the other side too. Had read this somewhere, ‘Men are from Earth. Women are from Earth. Deal with It’ 😀
That’s a grand quote 🙂
You are absolutely spot on. The problem is patriarchy, not men or women, and men are just as trapped as women in the system. Yes, men on the whole, might find it slightly less suffocating and restraining, but it comes with it’s own issues for men as well. And both men and women are foot soldiers of patriarchy, those men and women for whom the system works.
Thanks! That exactly encapsulates what I had in mind.
Great Suresh – probably your courage arises from “I am single, unemployed and self-sufficient” .. But the fact is that you managed to be a flag bearer for men with similar sentiments (my own courage going up despite Sailaja watching from behind)..you have a large following .. at least, on this matter !
Hmm! So you make an appearance on my writing in a guest post first 🙂
LOL! This line stands out, ‘if Society were matriarchal, women would treat men any better than the bees and ants treat their males.’ Enjoyed reading your take.
Thanks Saru! That part of the piece had received next to no mention till now 🙂
Lovely write up Suresh and I agree, sometimes in ‘fights for causes’, causes get forgotten and just the fights remain and become ‘fights leading to new causes’ ! Hmm!! I do feel that this business of reserving seats for women in buses is not required at all. I loved your paragraph on the males assisting their working wives and the ridicule they are subjected to. A thoughtful post Suresh.
That was a wonderful phrase, Jaish – ’causes get forgotten and just the fights remain’ – and, sometimes, only the fight becomes the cause 🙂
The seats in buses part I am not too sure about, Jaish! With molesters still prevalent in our Society, I think there can be an argument for it too.
With a dash of humor a nice written blog.. unfortunately being in India, I am sympathizing with the women who have to bear the brunt of society and opposite sex to a great extent. At present, my heart bleeds for the fair sex of our society. From eve-teasing, rapes to domestic violence the scale is tilted unfavorably.
At least men can be in a bus with 5 women and get down safely without being raped and killed.
Agreed! But that does not mean that every man should be seen as a potential rapist!
Unfortunately, in this fight between the right and the wrong, it is men who end up bearing the brunt of our hate. And in this battle of the sexes, women fall prey to the same malaise they are fighting against- sexism.
Men are afraid to flaunt their masculinity because they fear being labelled as MCP’s. They are afraid to flaunt their feminine side for the fear of being dismissed as sissies.
Tch…I feel your pain, Suresh,
BTW, a brilliant post. It was a treat to read your outpourings.
How lovely to hear that Purba! You captured in a few words what I have been trying – probably in vain – to say all through that post 🙂
I, however, am in that role of disinterested observer 🙂 Old bachelors always are – observers, even if they may not exactly be disinterested 🙂
It’s interesting to know how you (men) feel about it all. I do believe that women have it harder but it seems the stereotypes we are constantly fed affect both the sexes equally. Enjoyed the read. 🙂
Thanks, Destiny’s child! May we work together towards a different destiny for our children (metaphorically only in my case 🙂 )
Haha! 😀