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When they are really tiny, you swaddle them in blankets so that their hands and feet are kept away from scratching their own faces. You protect them as you must, tiny, fragile things that they are. When they are a little older and start crawling, you are always keeping an eye on them to prevent them from falls and bumps. It is another matter that they find just the right moment when you were doing something else to get hurt. And then they grow older and discover the telly. You try and keep their TV time restricted substituting with play in the park , stories and fun activities. You want them to continue believing in fairy tales for as long as possible.
And then they join school, sometimes as early as 3 years. And then no matter what you do, your warm blanket of protection is just too small. They are exposed to children and world outside at large. They now start picking up the songs that you watch on TV, in movies or on radio. Thus, we find innocent 3 or 4 year olds gyrating to vulgar (bachkana) steps on stage in school or in your apartment complex. The blasted Bollywood ditties especially of the sickening vulgar kinds are everywhere. Whenever I have attended a school day or any other function, I feel disturbed that teachers these days use Bollywood dance and jhatka matka on innocent children. When I go back to my childhood, I remember dancing to the tunes of traditional Maharashtrian Koli or folk songs. My music teacher taught us classics from Sounds of Music and other age appropriate songs.
Then, your children grow older. They watch news and read newspapers. They browse the net. They play on the play fields with other older children. Their horizons widen. Their curiosities peak. You are no longer their frame of reference. They want to be in with the crowd and to speak cool lingo peppered with abuses. They are exposed to issues and topics that they should not have been at such a tender age. I have faced this confusion, this bewilderment and sometimes shock when I hear something really terrible from my younger son’s mouth. That he tags along with big brother who often plays with older kids explains it.
My elder son is very open in his communication. There is no topic on earth that he cannot discuss with me, and I hope it always stays that way. But sometimes, I am dumbfounded how to approach certain adult topics with him. I can’t go too much in depth because he is still young, yet I wish to be as open with him as possible. That striking of balance is a constant struggle that each parent who has kids growing up faces.
As a society, we are terribly insensitive and not in tune with what the children must be exposed to. So we find that programs with adult content are aired late at night as a precaution but then the same stuff get re-aired during day time. Many grandparents sit and watch regressive soaps and serials with grandchildren, unknowingly filling the children’s minds with rubbish. Then there are the terrible reality shows that show high drama, crying and breaking apart if a silly show is not won. The participants keep getting younger. And don’t think that cartoon channels are any better. Have you seen the ads that get aired there? And the programs have so much violence. I had to ban a couple of shows for my kids as they used offensive language and openly ridiculed parents. Sit with your child sometimes and watch what he/she watches and you will know. We hardly have a genre of good children’s movies in India. And the other Hindi movies frankly, I don’t take my kids to. Even those that are U rated they have excessive violence, raunchy songs and concepts that a child’s mind must not be exposed to.
And all those Bollywood classes that parents take their kids to with pride teach them steps and lyrics that are too crude. Maybe I am way too sensitive or this society of ours is desensitized completely.
You will be surprised to know the topics of conversation of children these days. Even computer labs in school that have internet have no privacy settings. So, you can see what the internet savvy kids of today may do with that. Teachers have no training to handle the children of today who are brighter and definitely have more exposure to information and inappropriate information.
As a parent, I try to be honest while also watching my children’s backs. I openly share with them stories of child abuse or anything pertinent to them. They don’t live in a rosy society and it is important to tell them to be vigilant. But as a parent, I am still hanging onto the last threads to keep their innocence intact for as long as possible.
After all, childhood will not last forever!
It’s not easy being a parent is it? And in these days especially…scares me… I don’t know if I can be so open…I’m so bad at it…But we have to be, there’s no other option right?…It’s better that children learn about everything, well almost everything, from parents…Parenting is such a hard job! How do you do it Rachna!
It is not easy at all, Naba. There are so many times when you struggle for answers. You read and experiment and figure out your own way of handling issues. There is not much in my childhood that can help me here. I guess there is no choice, once you are a parent, you’ve to handle the responsibility in the best possible manner :).
A price has to be paid for everything! The technology boom which has widespread merits has demerits of the kind expressed rightly by you! Modern day parenting is a challenge and the vitiated environment makes it even tougher!
You are right, Rahul! Technology has its pros and cons and spiraling effects on everything around us.
Well, it is scary! The kind of things my 2 year old nephew sometimes says is shocking. I wonder where he picks these things up. Has to be TV and the soaps watched with grandparents. Kids are too smart these days with so much info freely available to them. Parenting, I am sure, is a tough job!
Kids are watching way too much TV these days. And with exposure of all kinds and a mind of their own, it is getting increasingly difficult to discipline them. Parenting is tough as I am sure being a child is too.
I have seen a lot of parents struggle with this Rachna and always wondered if it is that tough a matter to handle. And I have always thought, if our parents knew how to bring us up, why cannot our generation of parents? My mum often says that what our generations lacks today as far as parenting goes is patience. Patience in spending time with the child to understand where s/he is coming from and to use the right method to teach them the difference between right and wrong. Nowadays parents opt for easier ways (keeping them busy with handheld devices , or switching on the TV because they have other things to do or losing their temper if the child pesters too much etc.) to handle the child because of the lack of patience.
It is tough to handle, Seeta. Maybe, some of us are less patient but I don’t see as the reason behind this. The TV channels, movie songs, bawdy lyrics, information overload, porn are all very much a reality today. They are available at a click. We just didn’t have this kind of technology when we were growing up. Our parents didn’t need to tell us to play outside because there was nothing better coming on TV or gadgets with games. As a matter of fact, parents are much more involved today escorting them to games, parks and activities. But one cannot fight with peer influence and in general technology that has grown by leaps and bounds. As they grow older, these influences can suck them in and worriedly expose them to issues they should not have been exposed to this soon.
We cannot prevent children knowing at school many things that you wouldn’t wish them to know .But telling them gently what is acceptable and what is not as you said in your last para is the best we can do
It is scary that we cannot shut out many sources of unwanted information
Agree, KP Sir! That is what I am trying to do and I am sure many other parents like me as well. We have no control on the external parameters or just about limited control. Thank you for your wise advice as always.
That last line hit me. But knowing that for my parents I would forever be a child, consoles me somehow. How my lover would treat me like a child, consoles me somehow.
I am glad you are so open with your kids, telling them about child abuse and everything you think they should be aware of.
Childhood shall be lost, but they will still be your children 🙂
Oh, I don’t want to treat my kids like children when they are grown up, Red. Just want them to grow up as per the right age not too soon and definitely not get exposed to things that they should not be. Seriously, you want your lover to treat you like a child? 🙂 Yes they will always be my children no matter how old they are. Hopefully they will transition into responsible, mature adults.
You do echo my emotions to some extent Rachna. I agree in the world today it is indeed a challenge to hold on to their innocence and that is why the tweens are the new teens these days. I am just hoping that as long as I keep the lines of communication open with my child I would be able to help her through safely . Keeping fingers crossed 🙂
Amen, Kajal! That is the exact approach I am using. That is all we can do as parents. Keeping fingers crossed too :-).
You reminded me of the recent ad…where the baby jumps out of the mom’s tummy taking pics of the surprised look on everyone around. I so dislike the ad. It is gross…but it is reality too. Kids grow up with half-fed knowledge which is frightening. Guess we all are doing our best as parents. Maybe they too will turn out like us…or even better version of us 🙂
Yep, that ad is so idiotic. Yes, we all are trying to do our best. It does feel overwhelming at times :).
Do I have to say more? I can relate to everything you said. That is the reason there is no T.V at home. However, he is still on the computer. I know what he is watching as his computer is in the living room. But what happens when he is at a friend’s place…there is only so much you can watch them or control. what they learn at school or from friends/peers is totally out of our control. And my daughter speaks big things….I keep telling my mom not to watch serials when she is around.
Yep, we don’t have control on the environment which may be extremely harmful for them these days. I guess just keeping them talking to us is the step in the right direction.
Rachna , you have raised a very important issue which affects all parents. You are absolutely correct that you can discuss any thing with your children. But many parents do not consider this fact. When the child goes wrong they will immediately proclaim,”My child cannot do this”. Such parents are ignorant about the activities of their children. This attitude is wrong. Peer pressure plus easy approach to adult material can take the child to any extent.
Yes, Ushaji! When they are younger, monitoring and vigilance by parents is important. In the name of giving freedom, we cannot turn a blind eye to what they may be seeing, reading or doing.
Keeping lines of communication open is an essential aspect of parenting, as is the willingness to share of yourself, warts and all, especially with preteens and teens. I worry about the TV shows, ads and bollywood messages, but I know that the kids will learn things by watching us and speaking us that they can use to understand and interpret those messages wisely. One danger is to blanket all new generation influence as bad; I often find myself feeling that way about new media, technology, and entertainment. The skills needed for tomorrow’s world are so different that we might not be the best judges of what to discourage, but we can surely encourage them on timeless human values – which will stand them in good stead in times of transition and doubt.
I have no issues with the advances in technology. I welcome them. I only have problem with the insensitivity that our society displays towards children and their needs. They are unnecessarily exposed to so much stuff that is age inappropriate and frankly should not be like this. Of course, we hope they imbibe the right values to help them deal with knowledge and experiences much beyond the scope of their years.
Very difficult as a parent. I agree, we were so innocent singing those group songs and dancing to folk songs. Information is too easily available and that too without restriction.
True, Saru! And it is futile stopping them because the forbidden fruit is always more appealing.
You know Rachna, once when I told my then teenaged daughter that she should be careful on internet, she replied that it’s me (mom) that should be more careful because she had started using the computer before I had.
hehe The smart ones that they are, they have a ready retort for everything.
I completely understand and so fear the coming years for my little one too. Sigh…the pros and cons of this IT era.
Good luck, Ghata! We all are trying to figure out the right path with trial and error.
Even though I am yet to have a child.. these thoughts scare me. How does one make sure they are doing a good job at parenting?
Its getting harder and harder to maintain that innocence..
I think its a good move by some of my friends who have banned regular TV watching in their homes.. it seems better than letting the child watch soaps or stupid songs!
I hope when the time comes, I do a decent enough job as a parent esp in an era where nothing much seems to be child-appropriate
Even if you ban or restrict TV at home, they go to friends’ homes. They have internet access in school. They hear songs over radio or watch songs when they come on TV with parents. So, hardly anything is in our control now. And the peer influence is so strong. I hope you will figure out your way just like I am trying to do now. Thanks for reading!
Like they say, technology is becoming a bane instead of a boon these days. I met a group of youngsters in a popular cafe in Bangalore, no more than sixteen years of age, doing atrocious things. I wrote about it here.
http://soumya-hintofme.blogspot.in/2014/02/search-for-innocence.html
Its scary to have a child these days. You never know when they will start asking questions, you have no answers to.
So true, Soumya! First of all, the teenagers look and behave like adults. 13 — 14 year olds have girlfriends and boyfriends and behave like older adults. It makes me very sad how they just grow up so quickly. Yes, it is a difficult prospect raising kids these days. Thanks for reading!
I remember when I was a child there used to be excellent children’s movies. Don’t know why there aren’t there any more. Even children’s books you can never trust. Though at my age, I may like, I find many way too dark and violent for children.
Completely agree, TF. The stuff which is being made for them is either very stupid or way over their years. There is too much violence in everything now for kids.
Quite a problem. I can remember Adult movies of my time which were far safer for children than some cartoons of today.
Exactly, Suresh! Everything seems way too crass these days.
Amen to your parenting thoughts, Rachna. Though Rishi is young, I’ve come to learn, mostly from observation of other parents (and grandparents) that the only way forward is to establish clear cut lines of communication and help guide them on what is generally right and wrong. After all, our version of right may not be their version of right. With technology providing access to everything these days, we already know that they’ll be a more “worldly-savvy” generation that we were. After all, we were the same with our parents too. After all, I say, These are no perfect parents. Just real ones 🙂
Yes, those are the two mantras that guide me as well, Sid. Teach them what is right and wrong and continue to keep the lines of communications open. But I must tell you that some of the frightening stories I hear from your namesake makes me so scared. Why are the poor things growing up so quickly? Why are they exposed to such unwanted stuff so early? Well, I have no answers except to try and prepare him in the best way possible as a parent. Thanks for reading!
The level of exposure to the children is a realty we must accept.
We normally blame the school should a child goes astray.But,it is actually,the parents who do and have to take care of the children.
We are not blaming anyone, Chowlaji. No one factor is solely responsible. We cannot deny the influence that society has on our kids no matter what the best intentions of parents are.
Very true, Rachna.
In this e-world where Media & entertainment reigns, it is so tough to ‘protect’ our kids. They know so much!
Shielding is required, but then over-protection is bad as it can shatter confidence.
Open relationship is a must as we can’t afford not being their best-friend.
Phew!
Tough-balancing act as parents.
The balance is the challenge, Anita, as you rightly pointed out. Yes, we have to be their friends but not at the cost of not being their parents. Thanks for reading!
Oh God Rachna! I wonder if you wrote this post or I did! This world of today that takes away the innocence of a child too soon., freaks me out!. I hate the dance shows featuring little ones. I can’t bear to see 7-8 yr old making those vulgar moves and perfectly mirroring the licentious looks that must have been shown in the movie from which the song was picked.
It makes me sad that our kids are growing up too soon.
As always, you had to speak for me. Thank you.
As always, you listen with my heart, Dagny! Thank you!
Rachna, I thought that I am only the odd one out who think like this..I try to keep my daughter away from all those daily soaps, vulgar cartoon shows, reality shows where the little ones do vulgar moves and the channels can go to any extent for TRPs..always keep an eye on what she is browsing in the net..but than I ask myself how long..Really time moves so fast and its so frightening..
I know what you are saying, Ranita! Though we want to keep a watchful eye, we don’t want to compromise their own freedom. It can be so overwhelming at times. Thanks for reading!
Nice post Rachna. Sometimes its tough explaining. Its a very thin thread and one needs to make prudent decision s
True Jaish!
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I guess each parent takes pride in the way they were raised by their own parents. But then, times have changed… We have to somehow accept the good and bad. My parents never spoke to me about abuse, sex or anything that was even slightly sensitive. That was not the best idea. Because of technology and media, we can make our children more aware. Maybe you think they are losing their innocence too soon. But by the time they realise they lost it too soon, they will be dealing with their own kids who maybe far, far ahead of them!
So, obviously don’t give up. But don’t over-stress as well 🙂
I know Nisha. I agree. That is why I said that if anything parents in my generation are extremely involved with their kids. I know what you are saying. We have to just make do with the best of what is available to us. I just am horrified when I hear words like porn etc. mouthed by 10-12 year olds. That is when I feel how and why did childhood rush past them? Yes, we have to adapt to whatever is thrown at us. Thanks for reading!
A pertinent topic Rachna and ofcourse well written. There is so much exposure and so much abuse of media. With each day it is getting more and more difficult I guess. And with time it will be much more difficult. I do keep thinking of my childhood, how things were easier and uncomplicated (may be simply because of lack of options). There is only “this much” a young mind can comprehend. A simple thing like a kiss being played again and again on TV will lead to questions at my home. And he is just 5 years old,I want him to remain oblivious of these things just for a little while more, I don’t want him to think about kisses, boys vs. girls etc. How I wish he would have unadulterated friendships for many more years to come. But I guess that may not happen. I am trying my best to keep the communication going but still make their life a little less exposed and more in my control. Let’s see what the future holds for us 🙂
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A nightmare for every parent, I know! But are we also to be blamed somewhere? I have seen so many parents feeding their child while watching TV to distract them from eating tantrums. There are other ways to do it. so many times we have given them these gadgets to keep them occupied so we could get on with the hustle and bustle of daily life. Homes, society and establishments, everywhere, priority for children is yet to be seen as far as their over all development is concerned. Taking them to malls and buying expensive stuff is Not giving priority. I related to your post Rachna like many of us here.
I agree with your view, Ilakshee. Of course, we can’t just shove the blame away to technology alone. We are also responsible in some way for technology taking roots in our lives and especially in our kids’ lives. Thanks for relating and for your comment, Ilakshee.