Aruna Shanbaug case is in the headlines, and the Supreme Court has upheld her right to live; there is a lot of happiness and celebration from her former colleagues and nurses at KEM hospital. The tragic rape of this nurse at KEM hospital 36 years ago when she was strangled with a dog collar left her in permanent vegetative state since then. She has been confined to a bed since 36 years and has been dutifully attended to by nurses at KEM when her own family could not afford to take care of her. I am not going to talk about euthanasia or whether she should be allowed to die with dignity. I just feel for this vibrant, then-young woman (as seen in her earlier photographs), whose dignity and right to a happy life was snuffed out in an instance. She is breathing but is this life? And, the ward boy who did this to her just got a 7-year imprisonment! As a woman, I feel upset and angry every time I read about such things. Growing up in India, God knows, all of us have suffered smaller forms of these indignities. Isn’t it easy for a man to whistle, pass a lewd comment, grope you, or brush against you and give you a vile smile. It leaves you feeling so dirty , disgusted, and helpless.
I remember an incident while I was doing my graduation. There was this girl in college who came one day to college in tears. Girls, as we instinctively do, surrounded her and asked her what the matter was. She said that she was in a bus with a man seated next to her. As his stop neared and the bus slowed down, he rose up, brutally cupped her breast and got down. It happened in a matter of seconds, and she could not react. But, it affected her so deeply that she cried her way to college and was in trauma for a few days. I am sure that each of us has a trick to ward off unwanted touch in public places especially in crowds but sometimes these horrible creatures are just so quick and demented. Groping, molesting, raping, abuse, brutality — violence against women exists in so many forms.
As a woman, the worst crime that can be inflicted upon her is raping her. This act of cruelty violates a woman and shakes her in a manner, which leaves her emotionally scarred for life. Every single day, we read of women being brutally raped in our country. Most of the times, it is a crime of power not passion. A man at his worst assaults a woman’s dignity to make her pay. The other day, I read of a road-rage incident in Bangalore that happened in broad daylight, where a woman, a mother of a little girl, was abducted along with her male friend by 4 men in a car. They had a quarrel over the amount they had to pay to the car owners for a dent in their car. The man somehow got away, but the woman was gang-raped. For what? A minor bump on their car was paid for by the woman who was not even driving the car, which caused the incident in question.
Yes, women in cities in India enjoy a larger freedom and independence as compared to women of the previous generation. But, are they safe? Why are so many brutal crimes committed against women? When will we walk the streets in this country, even at night, dressed the way we like, with no fear of getting molested or raped? Why must we pay for a man’s crudeness and his flaws?
Women of this country continue to await that day!
A thought provoking post Rachna.
I dont know what to say .. sorry but yeah this post makes you think.
Bikram’s
Have you ‘Aruna’s Story’ by Pinki Virani? It is a brutal account of the events leading upto the rape and some after it. It really shook me up.
On a different note – a friend on FB had put on a jubilant status msg about Right to Life and it got me thinking – is this really life? Living as a vegetable, totally dependent on others for even basic bodily functions? What is the dignity in such a life? I’m ambivalent on euthanasia – but this cant be called ‘LIFE’!
We take pride in our culture but this is what our menfolk are like ! Somewhere I blame our women as mothers for this. We price our sons so very much that we do not inculcate good values in them particularly respect for women. I know women who treat their daughters shabbily in terms of giving them toys, choice of food, education, love and attention. At the same time are doting mother to their sons. These sons learn that women are not worthy of love and respect from their own family and then how do you expect them to exhibit such behaviour outside ! And ofcourse our law n order and Govt apathy ccontributes to this escalation of violence against women and girl child. A very depressing scenario !
Thought provoking!!
I had thought that it happens only in India but no Rachna, wherever you go you will find that very rarely a woman gets respect what is due to her.
Such men are omnipresent. Its time we teach our women to be on their guard and protect themselves. The incident that you mentioned has happened to me too when I was just about 12-13 and then on I have seen to it that I protect myself. you can read abt my experiences in http://bbsearchingself.wordpress.com/2009/12/13/on-eve-teasing-and-other-idle-chat/
And I agree with Renus comment
@Jane Thank you. I am sure it will strike a cord with women. I wonder if it does the same with men.
@Bikram I hope that it makes a man think that somewhere it is dignity and respect that every woman desires and deserves.
@Deepa No, I haven’t. But, I will try to get a hold of the book. I feel the same way. What kind of life is this? Just breathing, yet not living. Her life is so tragic, and the worst part is that she can not say anything to anyone. No one knows what she feels.
@Renu Very rightly said, our culture puts men on a pedestal. They are brought up like kings not lifting their hands to do anything, made to feel special, and, in general ill-treating first the womenfolk in their house and then later their wives and daughters. Women are taught to compromise; men are taught to throw their weight around. Often times, as you rightly pointed, it is the mother and the grandmother who pampers and gives wrong values to the male children. When not taught since early on in life, how would they show sensitive behavior later? Our obsession with the male children is a problem. Another problem is a woman not standing for another woman, whether it be a mother for a daughter, a mom-in-law for her daughter-in-law, a sister for her sister. Life would be much better if women looked after each other’s wellbeing as well.
@bbsearchingself Yes, it happens everywhere, but more often in the subcontinent. One way would be to teach our girls ways to defend themselves, keep communication channels open with them, teach our sons to be sensitive towards girls and chip in around the house chores. We, as women and mothers have the responsibility to raise our sons so that they are more respectful to women later on in their life. Mindset change is what is required, and the will to support a woman who fights back!
It happens everywhere, it is basically, that a woman allows herself to be treated like doormat: she is then treated as one. How many time sin the bus itself you must have seen men sitting in seats marked as women, and see the women standing silently without asking them to leave the place and go and stand at the back and give more to the area that belongs to them. If such simple rightful things they cannot claim for themselves how can we expect them to better their situation. It is very easy to put the blame on others and wait patiently to expect some miracle.
If we want something badly we have to fight for that, we have to start educating men, we have to fight our own battles. I somehow feel we have made it easier for men to get away with all kinds of atrocities.
I feel ashamed of being a human being..are we humans bestial to act like in these cases..?Even animals won’t behave like this..
Its really traumatic experience for women. While this type of disgusting behavior is everywhere including Pakistan. At least here women have separate seats in local buses.
Wow I am shocked by this, I am going to india soon and this is scaring me… i think somen need to be resepected more
@Tomz I know, it is a terrible feeling. We need more women to stand up and more men to come forward and show their humane side.
@Talha Well, in general, traveling is relatively safe in India. I have traveled alone umpteen times in trains, buses and planes and no harm has come to me. Yes, there are reserved seats for women in buses too. Do you see the difference? You are saying segregate women because men assault them. Instead of saying, punish such men. This is the thinking I take objection to. If men do not know how to behave, they deserve to be punished strictly, severely and every time.
@Rama Very valid point, we have to teach our women to be more demanding of their rights. But, what about those times when they are ill-treated at home, do not have support from their parents, are treated sub-par as compared to their male siblings. Do you think, they will have the confidence to fight an abusive husband? I don’t think so. Also, men are known to control and show power. And, women grovel and bear it sometimes due to societal pressure, sometimes lack of financial independence or lack of moral support from others. It is easier for me to raise my voice because I have my father’s support. I have a good mother-in-law and a decent husband. What happens to those who have no support, they rely on a man’s goodness to treat them well. How many men actually display that goodness towards the vulnerable and the weak?
@Emmy Trust me, I live here and it is very safe. Much safer than most countries you know. Yet, these incidents do happen. What is best is that you avoid going alone to very secluded areas especially when you are a foreigner. It is always better to be cautious. It is not like rape and molestation do not happen in your countries.
True…unfortunate reality.The guy who raped her is out and living a normal life.
So much has been written about it,but so little has changed.
I think there is no place in the world to call safe.May be little more or less,thats all. We hear stories of rapes and molestations from acorss the world.But as you rightly said, we are people who talk so much about morality, and so ,must behave more responsibly. It is the opposite what happens.
No woman escapes pawing if they happen to travel by our public transport.Everyone escapes on the loop holes of our law.We need to rewrite the laws with extreme punishments for such crimes.
The man who did that crime deserves no sentence less than death. Silly seven years ! He should have been behind bars, at least till that woman breathed her last.I read about her story recently,and it was shameful.
very valid points you have raised at the end of the write up…. i think laws have to made much more strict so that ppl doing all such act must get punished…
A lot of thoughts have been penned about Aruna’s story, the barbarous incidents women confront and the not-so-stern laws.
Much to my dismay, no one amongst these thought-process-instigators/bloggers have conjured up an idea of a peaceful mass demonstration in a city like Mumbai,crowded with rampant lewd souls, against such attrocities.
After the pandemonium in an Egyptian politico’s life triggerd by mass demonstrations, one of which was in effect at the tahrir square, the aftermath of such demonstrations cannot be underreckoned.
I couldn’t agree with you more
You showed only one side of the coin.
@Alka Yes, sad indeed. She was so unfortunate in life.
@dr.antony Totally agree. Only a stringent and swift punishment would act as a deterrent for such acts in the future.
@Irfanuddin Thank you. I agree with you.
@Rahul Yes, perhaps a peaceful protest could be done. But, to bring about a change in mindset, to bring about stringent laws, we need to first educate the people that what is happening is wrong. Many people are of the view that women must be careful, they must not invite undue attention. I’d say a woman deserves to be treated with dignity and not as an object for perverse deeds.
@BKChowla Thanks so much!
@sushant Which other side are you talking about? It would have been nice had you elaborated.
I am really surprised that all the papers are worked up about thecout decision etc etc , but none are trying to rake up the person responsible for this and make his life miserable.
Yes social boycott is one way of punishment that can be given if the law gives only 7 yrs !!!!
What a tragedy.
@Haddock That’s true! That is the important aspect lacking in all punishment.
@Agnes Yes it is.
thoughtful article
When will we walk the streets in this country, even at night, dressed the way we like, with no fear of getting molested or raped?
do not agree are you saying Sari wearing,fully clothed girls are not raped?
@sm Thank you. No, I didn’t mean short clothes or revealing clothes. I meant anything the heart desires, and whoever said that a sari or a salwar kameez is not sexy. That is a misconception alongwith the one that women dressed in Indian attire are not harassed or molested.
Strange. Sad. Every now n then, we hear a case on similar lines where a lady has been taken advantage of and when it becomes news, we all have a 101 resolutions on what was wrong and what needs 2 change. And then in a while, we forget about it all, till the next similar news headline comes. And we go about with the same rants again.
I just did a google search on this lady and it’s heart wrenching to see her current state. 36 years at the mercy of a few kind souls.. 36 years in bed as a vegetable, very, very sad……
My immediate reaction is to say that the government has to strengthen rules on crimes against women, but I remember saying the same for the last headline and the one before that too…not sure if anything has happened on that front. I’m quite speechless right now. I really wish there was a solution to all this soon.
A very, very thought provoking read, Rachna. Feelin kinda disturbed actually….
@R-A-J Welcome to my blog. Yes, it is a very disturbing incident, and as rightly pointed out, we make noises when an incident like this happens and then forget about it in a few days. Then, we make the same noises again. I guess we all are trying to generate awareness and eventually enforce the passing of some stringent laws and swifter and more severe punishments.
i really believe rachna that the day will definitely come when men will be afraid to even think about it,things cannot remain same forever,this point is avoided yet but some day someone will create the way to get out of it cant say what it will be but have a faith it will be dear.
god bless
There are three dimensions to this brutal and tragic incident. The first is Aruna’s trauma. Words will never adequately express the shattering of the hopes and dreams of a lovely young girl’s life. We pray for her.
The second issue is euthanasia. The care giving staffs are eloquent witness to the love and satisfaction they get in their noble mission.
The third and main issue is the everlasting search to the answer of When does Life begin, and when does Life end?
Shiamak Daver communes daily with the Spirit World. In the book, The Bhavnagiris, the issue of life before is partly explained.
We need to take a closer look at Abortion which also affects the mother’s health.