Living in – is it good?

Live in lovers have an unhealthy marriage. I read this article and it set me thinking. In the Indian context, living in is not very common. A country which still has a large chunk of marriages by the “arranged” route, love marriages are still not very common. Live-ins must be the rarest and happen in the topmost strata of society where people live by their own morality and rules. Most of us would not dare do that in smaller cities where everyone is concerned with what everyone else is doing. Personally, I think living in with someone you love is a great idea. You get to live together as a real couple and get the time to check your compatibility. There is nothing which tests our love more than when we have to put up with every single idiosyncrasy of the other, every single habit – good or bad and we get a good idea as to whether a whole life can be spent with each other.

Compatibility and adjustments are words used in every marriage and a live in give one a fair idea of give and take. The sad part is that the moral police in India would not let the couple do so peacefully. Besides given the compulsion a girl faces to get married, she might feel pressured to press for marriage. Marriage truly is still a very need-based institution in India. No girl or boy could go on forever in a live-in setup. The only negative I can think of is the pressure which builds up in a live in. This is almost like a marriage where you do everything like a married couple but do not have the legal sanction or a sanctity of marriage attached to your names. It might lead to tensions between the couple where one person is in no hurry to commit and the other feels it is time to go the marriage route. The other day when I was watching “He’s just not that into you”, there is Jennifer Aniston’s character who always feels pressured that since all her friends are getting married and she is in a relationship since 7 years, she needs to take this step too but her boyfriend (Ben Affleck) feels that he is not yet ready. Of course, toward the end of the movie, they conveniently make him amenable to the idea of the marriage :). But in real life, these kinds of pressures could sour the best of relationships.

Besides, some people might say that you can’t test a relationship (by a live-in route) because people and relationships evolve with time and circumstances. This is true too. Relationships and marriages are always a gamble. There is no right formula to success and everything is customized to individuals. Go seek your own mantra for happiness. One thing is clear, one needs a partner to share one’s life. Everything else builds around that idea.