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This is a true and rather unfortunate incident that unfolded in my son’s class. My son had a tiff with a girl who sits with him. Both of them scratched each other’s notebook. He maintained that she did it first and he retaliated. Her page was torn off. The teacher called both of them and for some reason inferred that it was only the boy’s fault. She made him sit on the floor for the entire day to teach him a lesson; yes, even for the lunch break and for the test that he had that day. I was very upset when I heard this. In my opinion, the punishment was clearly incongruous with the action. And, hurting and humiliating someone is hardly a method of teaching anything except resentment.
When I took it up with the teacher, she felt that this was hardly a punishment. After all, she hadn’t laid a finger on him. And she felt that it is perfectly normal to sit on the floor. Though, I didn’t mention it to her, I wondered if she would be this understanding if she was made to sit on the floor in front of a social gathering when everyone else was seated where they were meant to. She started telling me about negative reinforcement for which I had a few tips of my own to offer her but I resisted. Clearly, her understanding of negative reinforcement was wrong, but I did not feel like launching into a psychology lesson with her. As much as I believe that knowing the difference between negative reinforcement and punishment is important for a teacher, I also believe that each individual has an inherent sensitivity or humaneness that instinctively guides them when they are doling out punishments. As a teacher, the responsibility is even more. But, I digress!
On further conversation with me, she said she was upset when the incident unfolded and had he apologized on his own, she may have let him go. In my son’s eyes, he felt that the punishment was unfair because his action was in retaliation to someone else’s action who got away scot free. And, so why would he apologize if the girl didn’t? For this, I am to blame because I have drilled it in him that he must not apologize unless the apology comes from within him. I am completely against, “Sorry bolo, beta!” philosophy. That teaches the child to wheedle out of a sticky situation without ever learning from the mistake or feeling contrite.
Well, the issue was sorted out amicably. The teacher was gracious enough to listen and acknowledge the hurt of the parents. She promised not to use this method of punishment again. I did have a chat with my son about being less explosive to inconsequential situations. What I did appreciate was his honesty in telling me the truth and not trying to make himself seem holier than thou or lying. Yes, I know that he is on the verge of teenage and mood swings are slowly creeping into the picture. And, no I am not the one who says that my laadla can do no wrong.
As a parent, I am conscious of the fact that I must not defend my child’s mistakes and rob him of an opportunity to become a better person. But, I will speak up for him whenever he has been wronged!
What are your views on this method of punishing children?
Great post Rachna…well not great for your son, but you get the gist – I’m talking about the topic. Yes, the word “Sorry” is now being wheeled everywhere and anywhere without the person saying the word, actually feeling so. And I’ve been guilty of it too – Sorry seems to be an easy way out of anything, and people seem to use if freely. So now everytime someone says sorry in our household, the other person asks – “Are you really Sorry?” As for standing up for your son, yes, when the situation calls for it, you definitely should. But then like you put it, he needs to apologise only if he feels that he did something wrong. As for the teacher, well, if only she had a little bit of sense.
I am sure this post is going to get some heated responses as you can see from the comment below yours :). And when was parenting about following one path? But yes, like you I feel that there are times when you need to stand up for your child and there are times when you need them to handle it. I never interfere in a teacher’s method of handling kids. After all they have the tough task of dealing with a boisterous bunch of kids. And, they replace parents in school. But yes, if something seems to go overboard, then it is my responsibility to step in as a parent. Thanks for reading!
Somehow, i cannot see the girl starting this. The girl did good standing up to your son, who appears to be a bully. We need Indian girls to stand up for themselves, and give back a strong response. Your son knows he is physically stronger, and that may have led to his arrogance. He would not try this against another boy who is clearly bigger and stronger. The teacher appears to have used her best judgement, and she is authorized to do so, and made the right call. Teach your son to stop being a bully. Hopefully, he has learnt his lesson.
Rakesh, your comment amuses me. Your views are extremely prejudiced. I can see that you clearly have very little understanding of bullying or about methods of punishment. I am so glad that we don’t have teachers like you. Imagine the biases you will feed the children. Thank you for the uncalled for and unsolicited advice for my son. I will take care of my kids. I wish you luck in raising your own children if you have them.
Rakesh, HUH????? I think it is THIS mentality that leads to disparity when the kids grow older. No one knows who started the ‘fight’. In that case, either both are guilty or both are not. To be able to be judged fair, they need to be on the same yardstick.
I find the behaviour of the teacher questionable out here. Just coz she did not ‘raise her hand’ does not make her ‘righteous’. And please don’t play this ‘Indian’ card….it’s been done to death. You want equality, make sure it begins in your head first. Girls do this and Boys do that is from the Ice Age. Men are the best MasterChefs and Women have conquered planets. Jaago Grahak Jaago!
Were you in the class ?
Indian girls need to stand up for themselves, ha? Boy, you still have a long way to go, you haven’t met the right kind yet!
Dear Rakesh
I am a mother to a girl. And at school, she stands up to herself. However, this belief that a girl cannot start ‘stuff’ is utterly biased. Its never the case. Both genders are equally responsible for starting and stopping fights/arguments/friendships etc. Its this mentality of ours, that girls don’t do this and boys don’t do this, which leads to so many problems. This is also a patriarchal mentality. My daughter is equally capable of starting ‘this’ as much as the guy she sits next to. There is no gender bias there. And trust me, girls are not as physically ‘softer’ as you think they are. They are equally robust and equally rowdy.
Yours
R’s Mom
@Rachna – Thanks for this post. I am a silent reader most times, but just wanted to tell you that I learnt an important lesson in parenting. That saying ‘sorry’ is good but it can have a negative impact as well. Much respect to your parenting style!
R’s Mom That you read me fills my heart with joy. And, that your thoughts resonate with mine make me even happier. Thank you for reading!
Are you for real? You think you can call a child a bully without knowing the first thing about him? I am sure it has escaped your notice but you are a hair’s breath away from being a cyber bully yourself!
Jeez!
Why can’t a girl start this? It is just scribbling on a notebook, which I am perfectly sure any human being can manage. Infact that is all my 2 year old girl manages!
In fact the more I read this comment, I think it has been written just to incite comments and a discussion, or maybe it is my naivety in thinking someone can actually pass such a judgement without knowing anything about the situation!
Rachna: I was putting myself in the teacher’s shoes and wondering… do you think it would have been better if she had asked both of them to sit on the ground?
Aathira, I am against this entire sit on the ground punishment. And, I have nothing against the girl. Children fight all the time. But, I found the behavior of the teacher completely ridiculous. I think, she could have just called them together, made them face each other and say what each wanted to say and then asked them to apologize to each other. I do it often with both my kids. What was the big lesson that she was trying to teach?
Its a never ending discussion and dilemma. You are never sure what the right stand is.
As they grow up, these are the kind of experiences they need, in my opinion. Life is never fair ,tomorrow it would be in his work environment that he gets treated not so equitably. Make them prepared as you are rightly doing and let them handle it in their own way, Step in when and only if it is absolutely needed.
That’s my take 🙂
True, Bindu! You are very right there. I am also all for the ‘hands off, handle it yourself’ approach. Like you pointed around, these experiences show them that life isn’t always fair.But, when I saw that the child was deeply affected, I felt that I needed to convey it to the teacher who was blissfully unaware of the emotional damage she can inflict upon children. Step in only if it is absolutely needed is the advice I follow personally. Thanks for sharing your views!
This is a tough age when they do not want to be treated as kids and they are not adults yet.If only there was some mandatory teen psychology classes for teachers
Exactly! At this age, kids are no longer children. They expect to be treated with basic dignity. They themselves are undoing hormonal changes and are confused with everything. I wish the teachers would handle the conflicts with some respect and sensitivity.
You handled it the right way. Most teachers are so overwhelmed and so overworked that they neglect nurturing the sensitive side of kids. When they punish a child physically, more often than not, they hurt something intangible. Something that they cannot see. Boys, I feel are unable to express the way girls do and sometimes suffer on this account.
Thanks Alka! You are right about the overwhelmed bit. I know kids can be a handful. But, their larger responsibility is in molding them. I think, the teacher must not inculcate these stereotypes that boys can do this or girls can’t do that! Or that by default all boys are guilty until proven innocent and vice versa. Why are we pitting them against each other? A teacher must also seem fair in her own behavior. And, a punishment that is so humiliating bothers me. More so, because the teacher did not see anything wrong with it. That stumped me.
The teacher (mistakenly) leans towards favoring girls unfairly. As you said, the only thing she will accomplish is that she will help plant seeds of resentment in your son’s heart. He will not only resent the teacher (a female) for being an unfair adult but also his class mate (another female) for being a nasty peer. Not good at all. For them and for him.
Good that you stood up for him. Parenting is such a 24×7 engagement, isn’t it? If you take it as seriously as you ought to that is.
And, you’ve hit the nail on the head, Dagny! You said exactly what I felt but did not put down in the post. As a matter of fact, my son had voiced it by saying, “she favours the girls!” Now that can be so harmful. And, I had to sit and disengage him of the notion that all girls are out to take advantage of the softer approach of teachers towards them. Parenting is tough, so tough! And taking a call when to step in and when to take a step back is often so very difficult. I function from a gut instinct and hope that what I am doing is right! And then, when I read the views of other parents, it provided me great perspective to fine tune my own approach. <3
I agree that knowing when to take a call and when to back down is very tough. You neither want to molly- coddle your child nor throw him to the wolves without adequate skills. As long as you go with intuition Rachna, you can’t go wrong.
Hugs to you for your innate sense of balance and fairness. Your boys are lucky to have you as their mom.
A very thought provoking post. It is saddening to know that teachers these days do not know how to be fair and just .. and that their definitions of punishments and teaching the child the right thing differ so much. One of my Aunt’s is a Kendriya Vidyalaya teacher, she has narrated a lot of such incidents which happen.. a very crucial point she keeps telling us is that the EQ level of kids today is very different from what it used to be earlier. Teachers need to understand this and behave accordingly.
True that, Seeta! And teachers have to be more conscious of tweens and teens. And, they surely must know about emotional damage and harm done by such mindless punishments. How can a teacher become so harsh is beyond me?
I think a lesson is more important than punishments because the latter can actually backfire!
This incident reminds me of something that happened to my sister when she shifted to a new school… For some reason, I don’t quite remember what she was punished by the teacher of the new school.. But I do remember that she was bullied not only by the students but by the teacher as well…She was made to sit alone in a seat separated from the rest of the class….My sis is not very vocal when it comes to emotions, she was disturbed… She was only in the 6th standard…It was affecting her but she didn’t share..One night I woke up to find her seated at her study table and that’s when I got to know what had happened..I don’t remember what I told her then, I was only in the 10th standard… But after that she studied very hard and only when she stood 2nd or 3rd in class did the teacher’s attitude change towards her…Now whatever happens she first comes and tells me to help her deal with it better…
Naba, the strange part is that this son of mine is exceptionally good at studies and has a great reputation in both his class and school. He has won laurels for the school on many occasions. I am not saying that bad behaviour from a very good child is justified. And, I am all for punishing when children misbehave or physically hit. But, I felt that this incident was very small. And the punishment given is way disproportionate and even cruel. At least, I am glad he came and told me. What if he had bottled it up? I know he is pretty sensitive. Incidentally, he is in 6th standard too. My heart goes out to what your sister must have gone through. How can teachers behave so cruelly, I wonder?
Yes that’s true Rachna.. The teacher could have handled it in a better way.. it’s good that Sid talks to you and shared this…what if it was with a child who found it hard to share.. what if it would have made the child unnecessarily angry at his classmate… I don’t have much experience with children..but what you must feel for your kids, I think I feel that way for my sis even if there’s only 4 years difference between us…And what I realized after seeing her grow is that children are volatile and if teachers don’t understand that it could have adverse effects in them… You know my sis was take out of a school dance because she had ‘darker complexion’ … I think it’s good Sid shares with you because I have seen sharing with me has helped my sister a lot in fact it’s also true the other way round…
Oh, you are so wonderful! My elder sister was just like you; she still is extremely protective. It is a blessing to have elder siblings like both of you. Of course, you must have done wonders for her self esteem. And how horrid that she was singled out due to her skin colour. What kind of disgusting society it is. You are absolutely right about the fact that it helps both of us all this communication. He knows he has someone who is there for him. And, I know that he will be truthful to me and will tell me without reservation his fears and sorrows! You are also right that teachers seem to slot all kids together when each has such distinct personalities.
Rachna,
I am so numb after reading your post. So glad you wrote about it. My daughter is just 3.5 right now and we have so far brought her up in the most amicable, peaceful and loving atmosphere. (Life in Andamans is like that :D) Now that I am moving to Delhi in some months, getting my kid to school is a nightmare. I can’t stand the thought someone punishing my baby in such an insensitive manner.
What you did was great as a parent. Infact I feel you should’ve brought it up with the principal as well. Tearing a page off is certainly not a wrongdoing that attracts severe punishment for the whole day.
Thank you, Surabhi! Oh, you are moving to Delhi! Just encourage your daughter to freely tell you everything. Thank for for your warm comment. I felt similarly that the wrongdoing was minor and could have been handled better. I could have escalated the issue but felt that since the teacher was pretty receptive to feedback, it was better to let it go. A lesson for all of us, I guess!
Hmm…this reminds me of one of my English teachers whose method of punishment was very weird. Once she collected handkerchiefs from all the students of the class and pinned it on a boy’s trousers so that it looked like a skirt and made him stand in front of the class. On other occasions it was a fool’s cap and sometimes keeping the small plastic dustbin on the wrong-doers head. She was very good as a teacher but I think the punishment method was quite humiliating for the child.
Oh, that’s so ridiculous! How did she even think of some outlandish punishments. Sadly, they are entrusted with the task of moulding the kids, and they do their job very shoddily.
How petty of the teacher!. More and more teachers are needing counselling skills before they handle kids, teenagers . This aspect is not looked into when they are assigned to teach. Our system.. Bah!
I completely agree, Pattu! Teachers need to be sensitized to these issues. To me, it felt so outrageous! To her, it was absolutely normal.
Oh good gosh! This is not a boy vs girl issue … this is the issue of a teacher dishing out judgement on a school fight. Since they are not trained at it, often the punishments doled out can be rather wrong.
Girls do start fights, I was one of those girls. Honestly I benefited enormously from the bias we have in clubbing all girls into the “abla naari” slot, and the poor boys got the heavy handed punishments.
Exactly, Ritu! It is absolutely not a gender issue at all. It is all about how the teacher wrongly handled the entire issue choosing to listen to one and ignore the other. And then doling out a punishment that was clearly incongruous with the action. Trust you to be absolutely honest. Of course, we girls can start fights! Only nimwits can think otherwise.
I don’t know Rachna. I mean there was no need for the teacher to enforce that he sat for the entire remaining hours on the floor, she could have let him go after say 10 min. But who can really judge what happened unless one sees by her own eyes. The best thing would have been to punish both since both were at fault.
Personally I feel this punishment is tolerable for KG students, not for children above 6 but then it is my personal opinion.
Yes, the punishment was way excessive. I think the issue was really minor. A scolding may have sufficed. Of course, we don’t know what exactly transpired. But the teacher also confirmed that it was all about scratching in the notebook. I think punishments are always unnecessary especially with older children. It can have quite the opposite effect.
Good Lord! If after practically handling so many kids, God knows for how many years, if the teacher still believes that such things are about ‘a boy thing’ or ‘a girl’s thing’, she seriously needs counselling!
I found it very silly as well. This was a small incident that was blown way out of proportion, I feel.
School Teachers are mostly failures in their lives who experience a sense of importance by acting God with innocent children. I dread at the thought of having to leave my son at the mercy of these incompetent nincompoops.
Not all teachers are this way. I have come across some really fantastic teachers as well, some of them take as much pride in my children as if they were their own. Aberrations are there everywhere. I guess we just need to be more vigilant and should know when to speak up. As a matter of fact, school managements are now more tuned into such issues.
You know my son goes to KV and the kind of crazy experiences we’ve had over the past few years is not funny. The incident you narrated reminded me of a time, when he was in Class V. The class was moving from one classroom to another and in the last trickle of students, there was a rowdy lot. Vidur was asked to bring something from the class by his teacher and he went back to get it, and caught up with the rest of them … a few feet away from these boys. The principal happened to be on rounds – and decided to punish these boys. They are never allowed to explain, you know? So – Vidur and four other boys were asked to kneel down outside the class – through that period, then lunch and the rest of the day. Except Vidur, the others ran off. But our boy is like Casabianca and stayed there. When Sury went to pick him up he was shocked at this drastic punishment. When he asked the teacher, she laughed and said she had “forgotten”. How cruel.
Well, that wasn’t all. In the days that followed, she never stopped taunting Vidur over the fact that his father and come and asked her about this.
That’s not the only incident – but i seriously feel that teachers must have a course in handling young minds and emotions.
My blood boils when i think of my own … and read others’ experiences.
I understand how you feel, Rachna. Hugs!
Ugh That is so awful! I can imagine how it must have been for Vidur and then to be taunted later. What kind of people become teachers these days? Thanks for sharing and for your hugs! I was so disturbed when this incident unfolded. It sort of makes you so mad as a parent. Thanks for reading, Vidya!
I’m glad that it all sorted amicably Rachna. The teacher’s method of handling the situation was quite unfair IMO. Teenage can be such a vulnerable age to tackle, no! But I’m sure this was a learning curve for your son too. What was heartening though was how he came and told you the truth. I’m sure it must have helped you in addressing the situation with the teacher in a better way.
You know your posts on bringing up your children are going to be a great reference material for me when I will be faced with similar situations with my child. So thank you for writing and sharing all that you do 🙂
Yes, it was a learning experience for both him and me. Frankly, I was very upset when it unfolded but had cooled down relatively when I went to speak to her the next day. Yes, I was happy that he told me the truth and I corroborated the events with the teacher. Thank you for your warm words, Deeps! I am equally grateful to all the parent bloggers I read. After all, we learn and improve from each other’s experiences! Thanks so much for reading, Deepti!
To be very honest I am shocked at the attitude of the teacher blindly blaming the boy for all the trouble without even bothering to find out if the girl was equally at fault or more. Agreed, that kids are smart enough to figure out how to lie to their teachers, but then the teachers need to realize that there always is another side to an issue, an argument or a fight and that it takes two hands to clap. If she had to ‘punish’ the kids (which I anyways have an issue with in the first place), she should have gone ahead and punished both of them.
Good for you that you intervened in the issue as it had all the possibility of turning your son against girls forever. As it is, I am sure this has left a reasonably bad impression on him and he will surely not be able to view this teacher or her ‘teachings’ with an open, unbiased mind anymore. I suffered due to one such teacher due to which I never really liked, understood or was good at math starting in my 7th standard.
Shock was my reaction too, Jairam! In my opinion, she could have asked the kids to speak in front of each other and perhaps let them off with a stern warning or made them accept their mistakes and apologize to each other. But her entire handling of the situation was extremely ridiculous and has the danger of taking on other slants as you and some other commenters have mentioned like bad impression of the other gender and resentment against the teacher. I am very sorry about your bad experience with the teacher. Yes, I don’t want him to start hating the subject or the girls. He seems to have handled the entire issue well and so has the teacher. Hopefully, she has learned something here as we all have. Thanks for reading!
Hi Rachna, I think where there are two kids fighting there is a lot more happening than can be conveyed properly by them. I am glad the situation got resolved amicably in the end. It is important to be aware of what’s happening in our kid’s lives and also let others be aware of this fact.
True, Poornima! I think the issue here is not with the kids at all. Children have tiffs all the time. But, the entire way of handling the situation was faulty in my opinion. Thanks for reading!
The teacher over reacted for a minor incident without listening carefully to both sides.You handled the situation well by talking to her.Hopefully the teacher would have learnt from this.It is nice to note that you have instilled good values in your son.
Thank you KP Sir! Agree with what you say. Thanks for your warm words.
Since the time the teachers have been legally tried for punishing students, many have found this new technique of punishment, humiliating the child in front of others by making them sit on the floor or stand outside of the classroom/principal’s room or on the bench. I feel the teacher should have taken the pain to understand the situation properly and judge who was wrong or whether both were wrong. Even then the mistake doesn’t seem so huge to call for such a long time sitting on the floor as punishment. Such rudeness will only make the child have no respect for the teacher. I appreciate your son for telling you the truth that both of them did make the mistake. Most kids don’t do that.
You were right on your part to have stood up for him. I would have done the same if I were in your position. There are many parents who maintain that their kids can never do anything wrong. Have seen mom handle quite a few varieties.
We as elders need to correct ourselves before expecting the children to learn their lessons.
Absolutely agree with what you have written. Kids make mistakes and of course, they must be suitably reprimanded. But this was way too harsh and biased. If only, she had taken a more balanced view.
As Bindu says this is a tough situation…I don’t know how I would have reacted…but I liked the way you handled the situation….Like RM says a parenting lesson for us…
Thank you, Smita! I guess all of us are learning with each experience.
How insane… She needs some serious counselling man.. Good that you brought this up with her, but do you think anything would change in future.
At least, she says that she won’t give this punishment to my son as well as other children. I hope she has understood the harm it can wreak. As a parent, I guess we have to be watchful.
I am appalled that a teacher can be so partial in her reaction to a minor quarrel between children. One of the ways would be to talk to both the kids and reprimand them — one for starting and the other for escalating the fight, never mind who did which. The other would be to go into who started the fight and then tick off the child. Just because corporal punishment is disallowed these days, teachers should not find round about ways to enforce ‘discipline.’ I am proud of both you and Sid. Hugs.
So delighted to see a comment from you, and your sound advice always calms me. Also knowing that somewhere what I did was right! Yes, I completely agree with what you say. It is never about the girl or boy or who did what. But, it is about being fair in our assessment and reprimand. By all means, she has a right to pull up children when they misbehave. But a punishment of this kind which is given half-heartedly does so much more damage than good! Thanks for reading and hugs back!
I don’t know what to say here, Rachna. The mistake could be Sid’s. The mistake could be the other girl’s too. You were not at the scene, so you cannot say. Even the teacher didn’t see it with her eyes. She had to depend on the kids’ explanations. So, she cannot be biased and give the punishment to Sid alone; that too making him sit separately for an entire day. He would nothing but develop more negative impression. If I was the teacher and if making them sit alone is the only option, I would make both of them sit in the corner for an hour or so and then end the matter. And as for saying sorry or not, each parent’s parenting style is different. No better judge than you 🙂
Exactly Latha! I just say listen to both of them in a fair manner and then give a punishment in tune with the crime. A few minutes should have sufficed.
Okay, time for me to jump in too! I read most of the comments and I have to say the teacher was unfair in meting out punishment (quite humiliating, I might add) to your son.
When I was in a certain co-educational school in Bombay, many moons ago, I was wrongfully accused of stealing a girl’s eyeglasses. I never wore glasses so what would have been the point for me to do that? Anyway, another theme enters now.
I was Indian, a girl, and my accusers were two Anglo-Indian kids, brother and sister, the teacher was Anglo-Indian and the victim was also Anglo-Indian. I need not say more. My punishment the next day was being locked in the classroom with my lunch and prohibited from playing with my friends. I just cried my eyes out and was hurt and devastated at the thought that my mother would be so sad hearing this about me.
That evening when I returned home, I told my mother. Yes, we had an open line of communication and we knew that she was our champion. She was mad as hell and came to school the next day and first wanted to speak to the victim, then the two siblings, and lastly the teacher. The victim had misplaced the eyeglasses in her desk-drawer and had found them but kept quiet. The siblings had made up a story about seeing me steal the eyeglasses from the victim’s desk. They got scared when confronted and confessed they had lied. The teacher had clearly not investigated the allegation nor had she bothered to talk to the accusers but was willing to believe the worst about me. I was a very quiet, shy girl but excelled in academics, had two very special friends and hung around with them.
The teacher had messed with me and my mother went all out!! Yes, we respect teachers but when they step out of line they need to be spoken to. You did the right thing by intervening because the punishment of sitting on the ground was unfair and demeaning.
Thank you for sharing your experience, Aban! It is an eye opener. I did a part of my schooling in Mumbai as well. Kudos to your mother for doing what she did. Teachers are not Gods. And if they make a mistake, they must be made to realize that as well. Or, they will continue to harass innocent kids. I hope that your teacher and this teacher learned their lessons as well. What bothers me is the cruelty with which such punishments are meted out never taking into account the child’s hurt even for a moment. I hope that parents stay connected with their children and take up for them when wronged no matter who the authority figure! Thanks for reading and welcome to my blog, Aban!
Thank you Rachna for following my blog too. Your posts are always thought-provoking, judging by the numerous comments they elicit from other bloggers! I enjoy them thoroughly.
Thank you, Aban, for your kind words!
Teachers should have better sense than to humiliate children,that is no way of punishing them.Whether or not the child is guilty is a separate issue.
I agree, Indu!
I admire that you recognise and acknowledge the innate sensitivity that every person doling out punishments has. Even though you digressed, as you say, when you said that. It stuck to me. I have always believed that no one can remain angry beyond a few minutes. And certainly the rage is not equal in magnitude, a little while later, to when the deed happened. We all have our times when we steam off.
However, there are some care-givers who are not supposed to. And that includes teachers. My mother has been one for nearly 25 years now. She says that apart from so many other things, the profession has taught her to be patient, kind, and to manage and channelise her anger such that children learn their mistake without being doled out punishments of any kind. Why, she has even invited “warring” groups home for a tea party. As of now, she is fighting a few court cases on some parents’ behalf whose wards were meted out corporal punishment, by her fellow colleagues.
Being a teacher is not easy. Comes with so much responsibility. I wish all teachers understood their children, starting inside out. Wonderful read, Rachna.
Thank you for your insightful observations, Sakshi! I agree that when rage hits, and we know how kids can drive us up the wall, we may react very angrily. I also know that teachers can be under a lot of stress especially now when many conventional methods of punishment are not available to them. But, it is my belief that at the end of the day, for a human being and especially for a teacher, it is very important to be unprejudiced and fair in their approach. Frankly, I had no problem with the girl. Kids will quarrel! And ideally there ought to be no punishments. But even if there is a punishment, it must be with the intent to reform not humiliate or insult or break down someone’s self esteem. That is what I believe in both as a parent and also as a former teacher.
Whoa, serious stuff, Yes it started off on a lighter note, when i started reading school, kids, but punishment is indeed debatable.
Teachers at times act on instance, without realizing what may be the consequences of their action
I m sure, the teacher in this case too…would not have thought, you as a parent will react so strongly to it. She will more careful, for sure next time.
( I m neither a teacher nor supporting the teacher here. Just wondering what the tutor might have felt after the whole episode)
I am sure, she had not thought of it, Viyoma! As a matter of fact, like I mentioned, she saw nothing wrong with the punishment. That part stumped me quite a lot! Yes, she said that she will be more careful in the future and will not give this punishment to anyone. Thanks for reading!
In all this,more important is this boy’s approach and attitude.
You as parents need to be credited with good upbringing.
Thank you, Chowlaji!
There are schools in India where still teachers resort to caning and hitting. Somehow many schools go by ‘spare the rod and spoil the child’ unfortunately. I think the teachers intention and actual interest in the welfare of the students and genuineness in their attempts to mould the child matters . Like there are those who use punishments only to terrorize the kids and keep them under so called control. Or do it just as a means of display of superiority or power . That’s horrible . I am glad she listened to you and I laud you for dealing it directly with her
Now corporal punishment is banned, Jaish! But the mindsets take a long time to transform. We still resort to punishments and teaching lessons to kids because the way of engagement and patience is a slow and difficult task.
@ Rakesh- Girls in schools are not physically weaker than boys. Girls can be bullies and get away easily with it, since teachers favor them. I was one hell of a school bully andI was a girl. The boys from my class can tell you few things about how girls torment boys. I can’t even imagine you said that about a child without knowing him.
I have worked very hard against punishments all my life. So far in my life, I have never felt a need to punish children neither my own kids nor the kids I teach. In all my 3 years experience as a teacher, and 20 years as a tuition teacher, I have shown respect to the children who I deal with. People told me that I would have spoiled brats because I don’t believe in punishments, but I have the most wonderful kids in the whole world. All my students were wonderful during the time they spent with me. I had made it very clear to school authorities that I do not want my kids punished. I ensured that they obeyed the rules properly. I tell both my kids never to retaliate to bullies but take the matter to teacher or inform me. So far both of them haven’t got into trouble even once.
As for the teacher, I am glad you showed patience Rachna. I do not hesitate to speak out my mind. Finally .. all is well that ends well.
You know you are a huge inspiration for me, Farida, in the way you have lived your life and brought up your children. Thank you for sharing your views. I am sure it will guide all of us.
Hmm… I always desisted from speaking on behalf of my daughter even though there were several instances when she had been wronged, bullied and faced the wrath of insensitive teachers. Life will never be fair, people will be nasty to you for no reason at all and you will be wronged. So youe ither accept it or learn to fight your own battles.
As a parent, we can teach our kids to differentiate between right and wrong and instill right values in them. What they absorb and how they use it is entirely up to them.
Though I agree that we have to teach our children right and wrong and also enable them to fight their own battles, I still feel that parents have to step in when they have been wronged. What if tomorrow my child is ragged in college? Will I ask him to put up with it or to sort it out on his own? I think, there are certain instances when the authorities need to be brought in the picture. And this to me felt like one such instance. Of course, each parent handles the situation differently.
This world will never be fair and learning the right values paves the way for future. Every human including teachers are not perfect and have their own failings!
True that, Rahul!
The situation is really weird at the moment. My wife is a teacher and believe me I hear crazy stories almost every day. There are children who completely disturb the class and teachers are not even allowed to raise their voice on them, which is all right but sometimes situations completely go out of hand. Then there are parents who land in the school on slight provocations where teacher has shouted on their child and he has apparently landed in a trauma(!). There are children with whom you cannot reason and the teachers are mostly at the receiving end.
Coming to what happened to your son, if that would have happened in my wife’s school, the concerned teacher would have hell to explain. Recently a teacher was forced to resign in her school because of similar situation. How could you make a child sit on the floor???
I completely empathize with the teachers, Amit. I have taught for a year as well. I know it is really tough handling a bunch of boisterous kids. Besides some parents are really crazy like you pointed out. I could have escalated the matter to the Principal and taken the teacher to task but did not wish to do that. All I wanted was for her to understand the gravity of this method of punishment. Hopefully, she has understood that.
Scatching each other books is a trivial matter. She could have warned both the kids, yes, both of them instead of making one child go through the punishment of sitting alone on the floor. Even making both of them sitting on the floor should be ok. These fights between children should not be tackled this seriously.
Yes, children should not be asked to blidly say ‘sorry’ without meaning them…unless they really feel that they made a mistake which was not right. You did the right thing by going and talking to the teacher without sitting at home and cribbing, Rachna. She might at least think twice before ‘punishing’ children without giving importance to their feelings.