I was sitting peacefully waiting for the kids to arrive from school. They come in like a force of energy. Limbs flying everywhere, hugging Coco who jumps up and down, with huge smiles on their faces. Before they start keeping their things, they begin chatting nine to a dozen. I smile and try to keep up with their day’s happenings. Possibly this is my favourite part of the day when I am in a good mood, having finished my own work for the day, and looking forward to meeting the kids.

Half an hour into the evening and they are changed and fed. Then they speed off to do their own thing. Chances are that they are either fooling around with each other or arguing over the silliest things on earth. I hear their voices increase in decibel. I promise myself, I will keep calm. I can feel an urge to yell.

There was a time when I was an extremely patient person. I really was. I was an obedient child and except with my brother, I hardly sparred with anyone. Few years into marriage and with two kids, I seem to have gone low on that reservoir of patience. I do love my kids. But they can be so testing at times. I try to keep out of their petty squabbles, but what I don’t tolerate is them yelling. You know how kids have a way of not ‘hearing’ you especially when you are calling them.

So even when I call them for dinner, the younger boy always manages to come few minutes late. I mean, if someone was serving me hot, delicious food, why wouldn’t I eat when called? But every single day, he has to find some pressing matter right around dinner time. What maddens me more, is that as I call out his name, no response at all. No grunts or even yes. Once, twice, thrice, I call out each time with my tone getting shriller. Finally, he shouts back that he heard me and why am I getting so worked up? 🙂

yelling at kids

I tell you, becoming a mother really is a huge test of patience. From telling them very gently every day to pick the things that they have thrown or to keep their bed tidy, it is a losing battle. And to add to it, I am trying to teach them not to be short tempered! Now since I have to be a good role model, I can’t even shout. Such travesty I tell you.

So yes, I try not to yell. I hate when someone yells at me, so obviously I wouldn’t want to yell at a person for no reason. But kids can often get under your skin and make you yell despite your best efforts. But yes, I never really insult or pull them down in a derogatory manner.

I am not proud of the times when I yell even if I feel that they brought it on. Because it is a failing. People who constantly shout make for very bad company and one would rather just move out of earshot than put up with tirades at the drop of a hat. As parents, we have to do our best to not yell. So I try really hard. And I think I am doing a pretty decent job.

My younger son has even told me many times that just because I speak to him in a kind and gentle tone even when he is worked up, he feels like talking back in a gentler tone. That was a huge shot in the arm for me. All I can say is that I know that there are triggers that make me yell. If I am sick, overwhelmed, low on energy, haven’t slept well—I tend to be low on patience. Recognising these, I often tell the people close to me how I am feeling so that they would know and perhaps be less testing. About the problem of them not listening and me reacting, I try to take it in my stride. Also I go back to reiterating how sterling my kids are. They are so non-fussy, conscientious and generally good kids. So what if they give me a tough time once in a while?

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yelling at kids

Do share with me if you yell at your kids? And how does that make you feel?

8 Thoughts on “Why Yelling at Kids is Not Nice

  1. I have been a yelling maniac in the past since anger was my constant emotion. Over the last couple of years, I have deliberately worked on bringing down my anger levels and keep the stability to not yell. I am a work-in-progress which gets to closely getting derailed in a situation exactly the same as you have mentioned. It is the meal times. Whether the call goes unheard or he keeps dreaming or chatting forgetting the meal kept in front of him, I tend to get worked up in such situations. The only time I struggle with him is meal times. Whenever I yell out I remind myself to avoid doing it the next time the situation surfaces which would be in the next 4-5 hours. Constant practice, it is.

    • Oh you are absolutely right there, Anamika. This is something one needs to work at constantly and then slowly you start getting better at it. I thought it would be way easier when they were older. But can you imagine that they are teens and still the struggle continues. 🙂

  2. I usually don’t need to yell at my nephew as he is a “good boy” around me. But, there are times when he moves in slo-mo especially when there are things to be done. Like when getting ready for school on days when he stays over at our place. It’s at such times that my patience is at an all-time low as I watch him move at a glacial pace, packing his bag, getting ready for school and the clock moving faster than usual. But, reading your and Shailaja’s posts remind me to be calm and not yell and try and speak gently and kindly. At times, I succeed, at times, I lose it! 😛

  3. I am always working on it, Rachna. Some days I lose it completely and feel very guilty but I realise that particular day I might be very tired and that’s probably why I snap! But, the teen does test my patience at times and it is the slo-mo approach to things that gets to me. A very timely and thought-provoking post, Rachna. I guess it is a reminder for everyone who works with children, parents or not.

  4. Not a parent yet, but can so relate to it. I used to be a really short tempered person. After marrying another short tempered one, patience has become one of my virtues now. I did not try too hard, it just came naturally.

    I do get annoyed when I see other kids make noise or throw tantrums for no reason. I do agree that it is not right to yell at kids, but one must find a way to discipline them.

    I remember this incident that happened at commercial street a few months ago. A kid was throwing a huge tantrum in the middle of the road regarding something. The mother was trying her best to pacify her daughter but she wouldn’t listen. She slept on the road and started rolling around. The mother rushed around buying chocolates and toys to placate the kid, but she refused to get up! In such cases, parents can be a little tough, in my honest opinion.

  5. Oh, I yell! I have very low patience but it’s not for the lack of trying. M tests my patience the most when she refuses to eat. Believe me, I try but sometimes I end up yelling. Then she cries, then I cry and then we both cry but still, no one eats. Sigh! There are times when I manage to not yell for a week or so and then I yell again bringing me back to square one!

  6. I’ve read this post. Wonder why I didn’t leave a comment. This actually sounds like my story. I was such a quiet non-confrontational easy going person. And now I’ve turned into something else. I too hate it when I yell no matter how justified it is. So the struggle to keep it quiet is on. And It’s much much better from what it used to be. Of course the children are growing up and that helps too.

Do not leave without commenting. I love a good conversation :).

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