Mother’s Day just went by. It wasn’t even a day when we were kids. I remember my olden son was born on Mother’s Day weekend in the US. The nurse there told me when I was in labor, and I cared nothing for it.
I mean, here I was suffering labor pains because the stupid me did not want epidural. I wanted to suffer. Looking back I want to hit that younger me. 🙂
Anyway, when after the entire day of labor I wasn’t dilating any more, they opined that I had to go for C-section. At that point, all I wanted was them to take the baby out.
I remember when I got the epidural, all the pain and suffering magically vanished. I still remember how everyone was so nice and kind to me. The doctor, anaesthesiologist and the nurses were all smiling and friendly. They knew how to calm the nerves of to-be first-time parents.
My husband sat holding my hand while they put a large cloth kind of thing in front of me. I was conscious with only a local anaesthesia administered. My son was born just a few minutes later. I remember when they handed him to me after cleaning up, his big eyes were wide open looking at me.
I don’t really recall what emotions I felt. Nothing dramatic like the movies. 🙂 Only one thought was there in my mind: Oh my God! How tiny is he! That day began the journey of motherhood that has been spectacular.
Not because I achieved anything earthshaking. God knows I have made so many mistakes. I have been impatient and angry, frustrated and bemused. But doing it all, enriched my life in so many ways.
Another child later and then becoming a pet parent, I have realised that becoming a mother honestly has made me a better person. Motherhood revealed to me that I could be resourceful, patient, selfless, deeply caring and loving, capable of high temper, enforcer of discipline and able to resolve crises. I also have two wonderful cheerleaders for life.
Mums are universally so similar. We second guess the parenting decisions we have taken. We stand by our kids steadfastly while also giving them a tough time when needed. Teenage kids and how to handle them baffles the best of us. Mums are ever optimistic that things do fall in place eventually.
Last year, when my older son left for college, it took me weeks and months to get used to his physical absence. But, it was also an exciting time because isn’t this the day for which we raise our kids? We want to imbibe our best in them and then set them free. It is glorious to then wait and see what they do with their upbringing.
The core that is shaped by childhood often holds us in good stead through life. Hence, it is important that as parents we recognise how important our roles are in shaping the future selves of our children. How often have we seen children becoming copies of their parents including their worst behaviours?
When it comes to being a mother, my mother is someone I imbibe the most from. That she passed away when I was in my 20s left a vacuum in terms of sharing my own motherhood journey with her. But her extraordinary simplicity, selfless nature and love guides me even today.
Not to mention her love for cooking and her family and how meticulous she was in doing things from scratch. We do take our moms for granted. Of course, no one can predict when life snatches someone away so unexpectedly. Despite not being physically present, her memories have guided me on my journey as a mother.
That is not to say that relationships don’t have a trajectory. The lows and highs require a lot of navigation. But the understanding that people mean so much more than their annoying habits often lays the path to resolution and reconciliation.
I have held on to this. Raising boys I am also conscious of the fact that they be feminist, fair and gender neutral. I hope having a strong, independent mother will make the path easier for other strong women in their lives.
Ah well! Twenty years after I became a mother for the first time, it really feels like a blink of the eye. Looking back, the struggles seem so dim and inconsequential. All those sleepless nights and worries feel faded in my memories. All I cherish is how adorable they were when they were babies.
I can see how the next phase would be even more wonderful as a parent. I will move from being the anxious mom who constantly worried over every single detail to one that can allow herself to relax a bit. My sons will now move from being my boys to being adults. A phase of life every mother waits for when they begin the journey.
I would look forward to having an equal and friendlier relationship with them. I wouldn’t mind if they would pamper me too. 😉
How has your perspective on being a mother changed or has it remained the same?
It’s great to see you back here Rachna.
Being a mother is such an eventful journey. I love how you’ve summed it up. Of course, we change and grow along with the children. I used to be so unsure of myself, still am. Like you said we’re perpetually second-guessing ourselves wondering if we did it right, regretting some things too. But then, one has to believe that whatever we did, we had the best interest of our children at heart and in the end, that’s what counts.
Thanks Tulika. It’s so nice to write on this blog again. I guess food blogging is consuming so much of my time or perhaps it was the lack of community. I totally agree that we try to do our best for our kids. I wish I had the detachment that my parents had when they were raising me. 🙂
This is such a beautiful post, Rachna. I’m not a mother yet, nor do I share a great connection with mine, but I’m sure it is a beautiful journey. Children are from the parents, not for the parents, more people need to understand that and let the child live their life the way they want. That’s where my life went horribly wrong. But, if I were to have kids tomorrow, I’ll make sure I try my best to get it right.
I am sure you would. How’s your dog doing? Parenting is walking such a tightrope between disciplining and letting go. God knows we have seen too many brats around. And teenagers are the most mindbogging species. But since the older one is 20, I know that there is light at the end of the tunnel. 🙂 Hope they will have mostly happy memories when they look back at their mum.
Hey Rachna, it’s so good to visit your blog after so long!
This is such a sweet post. Although I don’t have kids, I can imagine what an experience it must be. Mothers, I believe, are superhuman beings, full of overwhelming love and warmth that we can never find in any other person in our lives.
Hi Shilpa, So lovely to have you here. Yes, I have been guilty of neglecting this blog for so long. Busy with food blogging but I guess that’s just an excuse. I hope to be more regular here *fingers crossed*.
Oh, we are no superhumans, Shilpa. We just try our best. It is the most nervewracking yet satisfying job in the world.
Oh boy… Becoming a mom has been a completely roller coaster ride for me. I have had many an emotional upheavals. But amidst all this, the process of caring and nurturing as a parent takes priority and ensures I push my limits to give it my all. And now with a teen girl, I realize its a totally different ball game. Thought he years have taught me that I need to be patient and this too shall pass. Agree that moms are universally all similar, our ways may vary but we all seek out the same.
It’s so nice to connect with other mums and realise that it isn’t only happening to me. Makes the ride easier and less judgmental.
I’m smiling as I read your post, Rachna. So many things that we moms go through in the course of our journeys which are the same and yet, when doubts assail us and we face challenges, we feel we are alone and lost! I think motherhood is one beautiful yet challenging emotional roller-coaster ride of a lifetime that changes us completely inside out. Your words echo my own experiences as the mom of a teen who’s turning 18 next week. It’s a tight rope walk and you’re constantly challenged by every new situation you face with the kids but at the end of the day, when everything gets resolved by a warm hug one feels all that effort hasn’t gone in vain after all. Loved reading your post, Rachna. So much to share and talk about wrt parenting, if we ever get to meet some day. 🙂
Awww this is a beautiful post. I know that feeling of epidural washing away all the pain. Phew such a relief right. Motherhood is a journey that has its own ups and downs. The learning never stops. And every stage brings its own challenges. We are in for life 😁 Your kids are growing into such wonderful human beings. I wish them a lot of success.
The difficult part is “to imbibe our best in them and then set them free.”
It is difficult, for sure. But it is the only right way to go, in my opinion.
This is such a wholesome post 🙂 It’s lovely to see you evolve, as motherhood shapes you.
Thanks so much, Damyanti
What a beautiful post this is! Motherhood changed me as a person. When you know a tiny life is depending on you to survive and thrive, that changes you – literally and figuratively. Only one part of motherhood I don’t like in me and I am consciously taking steps to change that. That is making me a secondary or tertiary priority. I didn’t notice that for a long time. But now that I know it’s happening and it’s affecting my sanity, I am watchful of that habit of mine.
Thank you for sharing this thoughtful read, Rachna. Motherhood is a mix of tears, worries, smiles, cuddles, and a thousand hugs and kisses. When they leave the nest it’s a bittersweet moment. Hugs to you. My elder one is 12 now. I always kid about how I can’t wait to get them away from my home. But when the time comes I will be a hopeless mess I know.
Thank you for such a warm comment, Vinitha. Hugs! I guess motherhood changes us like no other relationship does. It’s nice of you to recognise that sometimes moms put themselves on lower priority than others. I hope you are rectifying that now that you are aware. I totally get you about the empty nest thing. It is super difficult. But as I said, it gets better with time. One year down the line, I am in such a better headspace. Also since I love my professional work so much, it provided the best respite when I needed it. My younger one will turn 16 this year, and he has been a huge support in this last year. I guess, we will all survive and thrive too. 🙂
Hey Rachna, how are you? Visiting your blog after a long time. I must confess that it’s only after you become a mother, you learn to think about someone else other than yourself. I remember getting angry when I was starving in my childhood but as a mother I lost count of hours I have been starving because I was busy feeding my child first.
Well. growing up I am now excited to enjoy my free time when kids are busy in their own worlds provided that I can see them physically around them.
I have reached a stage in my life when being together with your loved ones makes you feel satisfied. Your husband may be on the phone while you are reading some book or even we both are watching something on our phones but we are together in the same room and that makes me feel happy. It gives a sense of independence along with being together. And the same goes for kids too. I know they are happy playing online games or chatting to their friends as long as they are around me.
Hi Geethica, All well. I have been very busy with food blogging and have neglected the space here. Hope all is well with you too. Good to hear about this perspective. Absolutely true about the companionship. Just being around each other feels nice while we get to do our own thing.