Interestingly one of the new blogger friends asked me some tips about how to talk less, as I had written in my profile introduction that I talk a lot and I am trying to curb that. First of all, I am not at all sure that I have succeeded a lot in talking less :), so I wonder if I can actually offer some tips. But, as usual, I can offer some advice. No, not advice, but as a wise friend says information, you can use anything that you feel is of value here.
I have realized that sometimes when one talks a lot when the other one is relatively quiet, the talkative one tends to give out some information which was not required but which if picked up by the attentive one could actually be detrimental to the talkative one. Did you follow what I just wrote? I meant that be careful in social situations, social forums, gatherings that you do not speak unnecessary things. They could be misinterpreted or worse used against you at a later stage. How to curb this habit? Listen! Very crucial — listen to what the other one is saying and analyze in your head.
Seek your recognition elsewhere. When someone is saying something, do not cut in rudely and start narrating how wonderful you have been in a similar situation. Those who talk more always have something to boast of :).
Remember that words said wrongly can cause a lot of hurt. There is a very thin line between being blunt and frank. Most people in the garb of being frank actually say cutting stuff. I am thankful to a friend of mine from my MBA days who walked up to me one day and said “Rachna, it is really quite nice that you can express yourself so nicely. But, you really can be rude at times. You can be a much better person if you work on that.” Who wouldn’t cherish such friends? That really made me sit up and take notice, and believe me, I have worked very hard to cut out the caustic from my talk.
But, one saving grace is that I am great at communication. I don’t believe in talking behind someone’s back. You can tell me to my face that you don’t like something about me, and I can take it pretty well. I also have no qualms in talking and sorting out my issues — No egos come in the way there.
Hey, and blogging helps. All that would come out of my mouth is sort of getting diverted in my writing. That satisfies my urge of talking non-stop :). Feel free to add your two cents to what I wrote whether you agree or disagree.
I have a sister that often uses up all the time in your voicemail box just telling you that she’ll call back later! We all love her dearly but know that if she phones write off the next hour. She is a nurse and I suppose got into the habit when trying to put people at their ease.
I learnt a long time ago to sit and listen, those blabber mouths who talk endlessly about themselves, their achievements, how clever their kids are etc … run like heck!
I am quite your opposite I see. I don’t talk much but i listen to others… But your friend is right.. it annoys me that sometimes I try too state a fact to my mom – the talkative person and she just blows me off and starts her own story..I mean come on!! give me 5 mins! So my new aim- learn to talk a little more and stand up for myself so people will quit ignoring me.
Liked this post a lot. I express myself better when I write but when I talk I tend to be sharp which I notice hurts other people. OS learning to keep the caustic out. But then I do notice that some ppl keep a one sided conversation and don’t bother to listen me out, to them; I will show ur post 🙂
its always good to be a good listener….and yaa blogging does help a lot to satisfy the urge….good post.
WEll I use to think i talk a lot but i have been told i need to talk more.
I am defintely a good listener maybe cause of my work It works better to talk less and listen in that ..
But i do beleive that one should be careful what htey say cause sometimes words said hurt a lot ..
Bikram’s
yeah, I totally agree with you. And, for the very same purpose God gave us 2 ears and just 1 mouth so that we can talk less but listen more.
I believe in the saying, “If you have nothing good to say about anyone, please come and sit next to me” 🙂
Nice to see tips on the gift of the gab… I always end up cutting people in their speech to drop in my bright idea… n i so wanna stop doing it… but I do find it difficult 2 stop doin so.
Nice read, Rachna 🙂
@Jane As long as you know that she is a nice person and are willing to give her one hour, it is fine. Sometimes, it is polite to say that you are really busy with something and cut the conversation short. It especially helps when certain people are just interested in gossiping. The last breed you mentioned is getting sort of very common these days, and sometimes it is so difficult to run away :).
@Emmy That’s nice that you sit and listen. And, tell your mom that I need you to sit quietly and listen to me without talking for 10 minutes. Sometimes, plain talking without getting worked up in a calm tone works really well :). Try it. And, right, you have to stand up for yourself. Good going.
@Bhagyashree 🙂 Yeah sure, those who don’t take hints have to be told. What I have noticed is that because we are pissed we become rude and then we become just like them. So, getting a handle on one’s emotions is very important. When you say things calmly, you tend to get heard more often than not. You might say the wisest things in the world but in a wrong tone and it has no impact.
@Irfanuddin Thank you. Indeed, blogging is good for people like us.
@bikram All of us know that words can cause a lot of hurt. Yet, most of us end up hurting others with our harsh words. That’s the irony of life
@Rachit Good reasoning :). So, what is the purpose of numerous hair and 20 nails? :).
@R-A-J And then you must try harder because so many including yourself would not like to be cut off rudely. Thanks for the nice words.
You can find me talkative mainly on two occasions, one, when I talk about cinema, two when i talk about blogging 🙂 SO no harm, I suppose..
I never used to talk much before marriage, but after marriage I found myself talking a lot, because of having a husband who would not open his mouth,he would just listen. I feel he thinks pearls of wisdom will fall off if he opened his mouth, or being a consultant he would need to be paid to open his mouth.
But when he says something he would tell it such a way that people would listen and do it his way.
In fact I am also to blame, for when i start talking I easily lose my train of thought and bring all unconnected history, geography into the issue.
Even i know that being a listener is much better than being a talker, but one thing if everybody starts to listen, then who will do the talking for them to listen?
Point to ponder…..
@Tomz That’s quite harmless, I suppose.
@rama My husband talks less too and so we complement each other :). You are right, the tone of talking is important. some people talk so calmly and with such authority that one actually listens. Those like you and me need to cut down on talking irrelevant things or drowning out others, in that sense I meant listening. But, of course it is easier to connect and open up to people who talk and share easily and make you comfortable.
I am not a very good listener but a good chirp.So these tips ma help me too:)And regarding your ability to accept even the negative comments openly,I really appreciate that!I usually get offended even though i try not to show that externally:)
@raji sometimes, I get offended with some insensitive comments too though I may choose to ignore them at the face of it. It also depends upon who gives the criticism and what is the motive behind it.
Great advice on listening to people. My question on being silent wasn’t just because I was hurting people but because I wasn’t giving myself enough time to energy to think about what I really wanted. My mind was starting to use conversations as a way to run away thinking really hard about problems and dealing with them. The ‘really listen’ advice really helps. Other than that I’m also trying to get a few books on this topic. Will provide updates on my blog when I find them and finish reading them. Thanks for this post.
@yodaonlife Of course, that is a very valid point that you make. When one strikes down all conversation in one’s path then one is not really thinking and that is so important.
just lemme talk n u ll never be able to stop me..i better learn meditation..:)
@Ramesh hehe We are in the same boat then :).