Today, I have the pleasure of hosting Karthik aka The Fool as he is popularly known as in the blog world. He blogs at Lucifer House Inc. and Three Realms of the Mind. I don’t exactly remember how I chanced upon his blog, but I’ve been reading him for years now. His Bride Hunt series is one of my favorites. His contest posts are refreshing to read as he does a great twist on any brand endorsements that need to be done. He also leaves honest and insightful comments on your blog.
He specializes in fantasy fiction and has been published in several anthologies. A Corporate slave by the day, a newly-minted father and a quiet, shy person in real life, he lets his writing do the talking. His writing is candid, varied and engaging. Here’s over to him…
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I never imagined I would ever write a post on parenting – I am just not parenting material. But then here I am, invited by one of India’s foremost bloggers on the topic of parenting to write a guest post on her blog on this very topic. Let me see where do I get started – this is one topic where I have the luxury to start like Oliver Twist – where it all began. It all happened one fine September morning on the eve of Ganesh Chaturthi. Wife complained of pains and we rushed to the hospital. Nowadays in modern hospitals however fathers do not wait anxiously outside for nurses to come out and announce whether it is a boy or girl. They take you right in where you can watch the doctor pulling out a lizard like creature from your wife’s womb like a magician pulling a rabbit out of a hat, chatting away casually all the time. I was so stupefied by the enormity of the moment that I did not even use basic common sense to figure the gender of the child and had to be told the same.
So here he was! What next? Well, I am not much of a baby person. All the babies I have dealt with before this one grew up to be cousins. I have tended to consider them a general nuisance till they grew up enough to share my views regarding the following one. And on the way to that stage, I also had this habit of making myself a nuisance to the parents of the respective kid. For instance, my aunt had painstakingly trained her daughter to answer questions properly during her interview for kindergarten admission. And I ended up throwing water over all her efforts by teaching the kid to say ‘dirty goose’ when asked for her name and other similar responses. When my teaching prevailed over hers during the interview the next day and the admission did not come through, my aunt no longer felt so fond of me. So all my uncles and aunts were curious how I would be when I had a kid of my own. And so was I.
So far I would say I have done reasonably well given my checkered track record with babies. I am yet to feel irritated with his frequent bawling or tantrums. I have come to view with a sense of marvel some of the milestones such as his turning over, his crawling, his walking, and his first words – things I might have hitherto considered mundane and unworthy of my attention. Then there are few small activities over which we have established a kind of connect – one of them being practicing how to precisely insert a tiny key into a cupboard lock. So clearly I am not finding him a nuisance. Now he is nearing the age where I can begin to make myself a nuisance – I sense the dormant urge to play the old pranks awakening – something unbecoming of fathers.
We have this old stereotype of a father as a distant and strict person who hides his love and tenderness for his children. Modernity with increasing degenderizing tendencies is trying to break these stereotypes. We have fathers openly expressing feelings and actively participating in the upbringing of children from a much earlier age. I do not know if I will fit either stereotype. To be honest I find it really difficult to see myself as a parent. I have often felt I am a kind of Peter Pan still mentally stuck in my early teens finding it difficult to come to terms with life as an adult. I feel this will have a great impact on how I relate to my son as he grows up.
Parents tend to be guiding figures teaching their children of right and wrong, dreaming of their future and setting expectations for them to meet. I remember my own childhood – struggling most of the time to meet my parent’s lofty expectations. On the other hand, I find myself back in the familiar role, struggling to please in the hopes of winning my son’s approval. I am not sure if I myself know enough of right and wrong to teach someone else. As far as deciding his future is concerned, far from that I am still figuring what I want to do.
So from the way things stand as of today, only thing I can say is I hope he will have me as friend when he is old enough and we have a good time together. I hope I can once again vicariously live through the childhood I have grown out of. I understand the times are different and his childhood will not be same as mine. But isn’t that part of the fun – what is the point doing the same things all over again? As far as growing up and becoming somebody or something is concerned – he will have to do that on his own. From my side he can hope to draw upon two things – access to financial resources and life experiences – the inevitable consequences of my forced ejection into adulthood.
Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Thanks a lot for hosting and the lovely introduction, Rachna.
My pleasure, Karthik. Glad to have you here with such a lovely post.
Hey Karthik … Good to see you here… all the best with parenting…..some good nuggets from a first time parent here….also some good ideas about school admission preparation…. 🙂
Thanks Prasad.
I’m far from having blessed the world with a progeny of my own (yet), but I imagine parenthood is made easier with a sense of humour to fall back upon. 🙂 A wonderfully refreshing read on parenting!
Thanks, Ami. True.
It is always cute to hear a new father narrate his experience with the little one. To think of it, how mundane would this post be if it was written by a mother. Just goes on to say how we are evolving as a society where fathers atleast talk about these things.
Indeed society is evolving. Many are more hands on compared to me but hopefully I would be more hands on in the coming days.
For a minute , I was wondering if I had misread the post. Having been a great fan of Lucifer House, I was wondering how he would be writing a post on parenting 🙂
It was really nice to read about the experiences with kids in the family. I should say, I’ve helped a few people by teaching them a few tricks/pranks which their parents would surely not have approved of :-). It is really nice to see that these days parents do not want to be the stereotype person, but more of a friend. Believe me, it would definitely make a lot of difference to the kids.
Very nicely written 🙂
Thanks for the kind words about my blog, Ashwini. Glad you liked my post.
Very candid and entertaining post-refreshing like a whiff of fresh air.
Thanks a lot, Indu.
Congrats to the new parents- Karthik & his wife.
Wish you both the very best.
This is such an honest post. Can identify. Especially the last two paras.
May the kids be the best-friends of their parents & vice-versa 🙂
Thanks, Anita.
Well, only ‘The Fool’ could have written such an honest take…I like the fact that you are still figuring things out and that you know what you need to do or rather what you want to do, the bigger picture… I think it’s okay to not know and be a, if I may say so, ‘quirky parent’ .. I know I will be one! All the best TF
Thanks a lot, Naba.
Ah! AND soon I shall be the only unspoiled Peter Pan in our circles 🙂 Superb post TF!
Suresh – Peter Pan? You?
Really a very honest post. Good to read the feelings of a father.
Thanks a lot, Swati.
Kids! They change us all the way. Congrats Karthik, on being appointed as the father 🙂 Don’t try your ‘dirty goose’ teaching with your son, we wives are meaner than the aunts 😀
Really enjoyed the post, especially the ‘dirty goose’ part… 😛
Ha Ha. True. I know – if I do some mean trick with son wife will hunt me down to the other end of this earth.
Hey Karthik – congratulations !! i am sure you will do real good .. hope you have learned to change the diaper 😀
Cheers
Er! Diapers? I was hoping no one would ask that – now I need to ruin all the image I created with my post by confessing that I haven’t learnt. Only excuse is my being away from home on work all the time since son was born and blame it on wife’s tendency to pamper me when i come home on weekends.
Such a sweet post.
It’s kind of strange what your own baby can do to you, right? I know a few people who have never been baby/kid-persons but turned out to be CRAZY about little ones after having their own.
Happy Parenting. There are lots of surprises in store for you, I’m sure. 🙂
Oh, and Congratulations!!
Thanks a lot, DNambiar.
Hello Peter pan dad ,
One thing I tell myself is that it’s perfectly ok to be not perfect parents … We also learn as they grow …
Lol, Jaish. True. Hopeful my son also learns to put up with me the way my wife has .
This is such a good post on parenting in this day and age. I have a 3 year old, and recently we were having a discussion along the same lines, as to how our kids will experience a very different childhood than ours. But I agree, where would be the fun in doing the same things all over again. In the end, like you said, my real hope is to earn a friendship with my son. That is more important than being the perfect parent- if anything like that even exists.
-Shantala
Thanks Shantala.Good to know you agree with my view.
I loved this post!! 🙂
my dad and I are best of friends and though he was strict while I was growing up – he is more of a friend in recent times 🙂
Guess that’s how most dads were in our time – strict and distant when children are young and friendly when children are older.
A refreshing take on parenting and fatherhood! This is the first time I am reading you Karthik, and I enjoyed it very much. Congratulations on your new role!
Thanks Beloo. Must thank Rachna for giving me an opportunity to be read by new people.
A brilliant and practical parenting post. Enjoyed reading this one! Hope your kid finds a great friend in you.
Thanks a lot Keirthana.
Very nicely done, Karthik. And based on our interactions, I am pretty certain that you’ll be an amazing friend and good parent. And to ‘be able to access your financial resources’ – that helps too 🙂
Enjoy the journey. It’s pretty awesome.
Thanks Sid. You are the expert on this subject – I check out your blog much more than my frequency of comments would have you believe.
Congratulations on your journey to parenthood. By your post, I am sure you are going to live your child’s childhood and yours once again with all might 🙂 And wait for the day your aunt’s kid is gonna teach goose answers to your son 😛 . I am one of those parents who is still stuck in my teens..hehe..so you have company here. Good luck in the parenting journey.
The Found in Falsom. My aunt’s kid playing a prank is likely because she has grown up to be a complete prankster. Good to know others stuck in teens as well.
I’m sure he would rather have an understanding and fun dad than a stodgy parent of yesteryear! !
Thanks for introducing me to another great blogger, Rachna!
I hope so, Roshini. Thanks for your kind words about my writing.